Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Loru Valsharris
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Forest/ Jungle)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-12 11:53 AM
I have a great love for forest and sylvan creatures and this is a great one.

Very useful! Go to Comment
The Human Clock
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-28 07:23 AM
Interesting idea, but what Moonhunter said. Way too short. Go to Comment
30 Men of Nyir
NPCs  (Extras-Horde)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-28 07:27 AM
I like this 30 - In my mind it is 30 vikings :)

The individual descriptions are long enough to be useful and paint a compact but effective image.

Some of these guys are interesting enough to deserve specific writeups :) Go to Comment
Rod of Rod Control
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-22 09:21 PM
I like your revision! Great job!

"What the!"
Spurt Spurt...

:) Go to Comment
Rod of Rod Control
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-28 07:32 AM
Lacking in a lot of areas - give it a re-work.

I suggest listing 'two' histories - the one that is known by people, and then the real history.

The 'known' history can be evasive, incomplete and wrong, but the real history needs to be there. Go to Comment
The Shadow of Iron Hills
Items  (Transports)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-22 10:19 AM
I think is really cool - it may not be fleshed out (heh) but it paints the idea clear. It could be a mystery at first for PC's and perhaps later once they perhaps work for the group that has it, ends up being used by them.
Go to Comment
The Aasvogel Knitting Circle
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Area)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-30 09:35 AM
An excellent set of NPCs - I'd like to be able to see these NPCs stand on their own as well.

Nicely done! Go to Comment
Locations  (City)   (Mountains)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-02 10:10 AM
This is an excellent location with realistic (!) economy, assuming you accept Smaug sized dragons :)

I like it! Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-31 07:47 AM
Did not see it when it came in, but I think this is a really good first post and an interesting take on a rebel group.

The plot hooks are pretty good as well! Go to Comment
Woodland Tale
Plots  (Travel)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-06 02:52 PM
Love the anecdotes attached to this one. A good solid adventure, with just the right level of detail to spark it.

Go to Comment
Tales of the Road
Plots  (Travel)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-25 06:31 PM
Excellent Codex! Go to Comment
Tales of the Road
Plots  (Travel)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-25 07:36 PM
Seems a little unfinished, but its pretty good! Go to Comment
Englbert's Home
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-25 07:35 PM
Nickol Nacker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Travelers)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-24 07:31 PM
Well done:)

Another take on ol' Saint Nick! Go to Comment
The Followers of Thurgul
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-26 08:10 AM
The writing in the letters is excellent! Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-23 01:27 PM
A most interesting piece. Go to Comment
Divine Gifts
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-23 01:28 PM
Trigu bless us everyone..... :) Go to Comment
Tomb Trilosydes
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-22 08:45 PM
I like it!

Mmm Liquor Cerebrospinalis.. Wonder what mixes well with it? Go to Comment
The House of Sand
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (World Wide)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-22 11:10 AM
I think this is quite an interesting take on an Assassin's guild - the means of recruiting is excellent.

From the perspective of presentation, there are some odd phrasings and some of the sentences seem rather clipped.

Not sure to what level to comment, but one suggestion presented many a time on this site is read your submission to yourself and see if it makes sense. Interestingly the lead in story told by the new recruit has better structure to me then the rest of the sub.

If I may present one example:

"They believe that there is an afterlife of paradise for them and over the next six years they learn everything about Amirah the Prophet, the House of Sand, and the Queen of Sand. Along with learning of their new found religion. "

"Along with learning of their new found religion." does not sound like a correct sentence to me, more of an afterthought.

I would break up this into two sentences, one indicating their belief, and the other included what they trained in.

Again this is my opinion, and I'm just a computer geek.

Nit-picking aside, I think this is a really good post. Overall, a 4/5 from me. Go to Comment
The Highwayman's Vials
Plots  (Discovery)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-21 07:20 PM
Neat format - not as developed as most of your other subs, but excellent nonetheless! Go to Comment
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