The writing is excellent, but I am having a bit of trouble sorting out the details.
What is provided is good for use as legends to provide to PCs, etc when researching the item, but the real details of the item would be useful. At some point we need a little more then pure narration. Some of the other formatting tools - Bold, Italics, BlockQuotes, in moderation, would help as well.
Where did it really come from and what are it's abilities?
That said, for a 1st submission, it is really good. Go to Comment
Thanks - that is some food for thought. You think it should be impossible to obtain demon blood?
A lot of spells, rituals and such seem to call for the stuff, so I figured it was a commonly(???) accessable material. Go to Comment
Can't add to what Moonhunter has said on this one. This needs to be put into the 'in work' section.
There is a small glint of a good idea here, but the execution is abysmal. The history is a string of cliches.
"Aard had a crush on a princess, and he did magic things for her, but she didnt notice him and instead married a valiant knight. later the knight treated her badly, and again Aard tried to help her, but she cursed at him for being a fool and weak and this made Aard really sad. " Go to Comment
There are a large number of grammatical and spelling problems in this post. The intent and ideas are there, but the presentation needs work.
Just looking at the summary yields:
Humans call them Freaks of Nature others would prefer them to dis belivers of god but what they are really about is the Abyss.
You need a 'while' between Nature and 'others' to join the sentance, and it is not clear what you mean by 'what they are really about is the Abyss'.
Spelling/Grammar aside, there are a lot of places where cliche's are used, and further clarification is needed.
I would suggest moving this sub to in work (advice requested) and ask for some frank recommendations from the others on this site. I believe that with a fair amount of work, a good sub can be made from this initial idea.
You may also consider linking your other subs together (such as Lady Shayla).
I'm always torn by how much information to provide! :) Sometimes I go overboard.
Q. How much does it cost. Are the ingredients hard to find. Does it take a lot of time to prepare.
I'd leave that to individual game masters, as ingrediants usually vary on the creatures present in the world, and cost is similarly variable. Personally I consider the Venoms very expensive as they affect both Necromancy and Time.
Q. One month? Are there any side effects to a raised person afterwards? Any side effects to a dead corpse, or the venom in a slain monster?
The effects of death are stopped for 1 month(with Staying), and resume normally afterwards. I'd leave it to the individual GM towards making the effects retroactive.
Q. Do the two venoms counteract each other?
I would say so. One accelerates, the other stops. Or the only the first one administered could be the one that works. Again, I'd leave that ruling for the GM
Q. Ages ten years? Are there any side effects to things in contact with the body? Could it possibly cause it to be more pestilant than normal, or acidic to the touch?
The effects are limited to the body of the victem. Generally corpses 10 years old are just skeletons so little pestilance would be left. The process is too fast for normal chemical/biological processes to produce the normal side effects of a rotted body.
Q. Can either of the venoms be administered after the death of the creature?
My intention was no, especially Staying. If it were to be allowed with Mouldering, then it would be too popular with criminals. However, GM's can of course choose to lift this restriction. Go to Comment
You could also have it that the effects take upon impact, if the arrow would normally have killed the victim, which would be a terrifying attack. End result is a little more deadly, as before there was a 10 minute window to 'raise' the victim, but this change would make it impossible to easily raise the victims. For game systems with no easy raise-dead capabilities, this is just a neat special effect/terror weapon. Go to Comment