Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Spirit Net
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-20 12:43 PM
Update: Short and sweet (I hope :)) This would be an Oekaki but it was not in response to any particular quest/etc. It was done under 30 mins in one sitting though. Go to Comment
Office of the High Councillor Corvin
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-20 09:50 AM
A great first sub Kal_23! I'm hoping you flesh out the NPC some more to compliment this location.

There are a couple of typos but none too bad.

Moonhunter used to give the same basic advice for new posters, and I think it good:

He is looking for a very high standard in this advice - "If your post could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work" which is good for writing, though the main goal of this site is to share ideas. As a result, submissions should be made with an eye towards this goal, but this is certainly not the be-all and end all.

Welcome aboard!
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Genetic Castes
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-20 10:19 AM
This makes a great backdrop to such things as Gamma world and Fallout - these changes could have been in progress when the shit hit the fan. As a result, your survivors can draw from the various castes listed.

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Assault Mecha in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-20 10:27 AM
It would be interesting to see a battletech game with these monsters added to it.

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A/BM-1 Stoudenmire
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-18 10:22 AM
I like this piece - always a sucker for the technical details.

One detail struck me as odd - you mention blackpowder as the propellent. Why not cordite? Blackpowder has a lot of disadvantages - not the least of which is the terrible fouling of complex machinery of which the mech would be one of.

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A/BM-1 Stoudenmire
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-18 12:28 PM
I think you can just omit any mention of the propellent when dealing with conventional projectile technology - cordite/etc is assumed. The term firearm is good enough for that as well.

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New Themyscira
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-10 03:49 PM
Again, your stuff is really well done and detailed. I get the Miriya feel from this sub as well (The female Zentraedi warrior from Robotech).

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Ssacha a'Karliik
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-10 10:30 AM
I like it - I have a thing for magic casting decapitated heads and evil magic sacks. Good job! Go to Comment
The Fae
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-09 03:28 PM
This is quite a dark take on the Fae, which is good to counter the typical view of these folks.

Certain 'activities' seem a bit difficult, considering their size, but I assume they use magic to address that shortcoming?

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Father Titus, Resurrection Man
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-03 10:51 AM
I like this fellow and I'm liking the LA by night setting as well. Go to Comment
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-23 02:51 PM
Hmm, this would work as a vehicle for introducing various creatures on the site from a different perspective of the current subs.

I don't have a good one to add at the moment, but it certainly has potential!

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The Lasting Company
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-03 10:01 AM

An interesting submission though it seems to go out of its way to be macabre.

Also, Death Wars seems an odd title :)

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Corporal John Heathfeld Esquire,
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2013-12-03 09:51 AM

I think the amount of effort on this sub is amazing, but I'm afraid there are a few issues that prevent me from being able to properly appreciate it.

1. This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read. -Winston Churchill

This submission appears to cover too much ground, and there are things that are not really necessary.

In general, submissions here should be game system agnostic - the character sheet should in my opinion, be omitted, or perhaps contained in a linked stub.

This also extends to the detailed discussions on alignment - state it simply and if you want to have a major discussion on alignment, perhaps an article or the forums.

The item descriptions, while wonderfully details, are rather long for what are basically standard items with a bit of unique details. Maybe one or two items might deserve such treatment, but not all.

2. Bold should be used sparingly, it appears to cover the entire submission which defeats the purpose. As it is, it promotes eye strain and makes me really not want to read it in detail. - It seems to be a broken Bold tag, I'll see if I can fix it.

Again, the amount of detail and effort is amazing, but it is a very intimidating read and a lot of it unnecessary to describe an NPC for others to use.

I'm holding off a vote for now - it really needs to be severely pruned down.

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The Pack
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-20 09:13 PM
Update: Releasing this into the world. Part of a larger submission that will use them. Go to Comment
The Pack
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-20 09:34 PM
Update: Out into the world. A building block for a larger submission. Go to Comment
The Pack
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-21 09:25 AM
I'm open to questions - I had not really planned fleshing these folks out much more then they currently are as an outworldly threat appropriate to where I was going to use them. Go to Comment
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-22 02:56 PM
Its a good description of the locale, and usable. The Tattoo link is a bit of a stretch - its a minor detail that does not sit at the core of the sub - its maritime nature is more so.

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Ms. Carlyle
NPCs  (Minor)   (Technical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-20 03:21 PM
This has strong Fallout feel, and of course I love it.

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Agency 17: Illegal Search and Seizure
Plots  (Hired)   (Campaign)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-19 09:50 AM
This is an odd one for the series - there does not seem to be any sinister motivations.

Perhaps the drugs _are_ being seized for 'destruction'. They are destroyed, but end up being used as precursors for some other material.

Good details!

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The Azul Deck of Shadows
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-19 09:31 AM
I have always loved the deck of many things, and Tarot cards, and so this sub is greatly appealing. The use of images is excellent.

Goss has commented on the same thoughts I had on that paragraph.

Save or Die is traditionally associated with the Deck of Many Things, so I have no aversion to that - you draw you takes your chances :)

All and all, really good. Welcome back to the ranks of the posters AG!

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