There are a few hive-mind type creatures, but there is no reason you can't add another :)
A quick comment on word structure - you have a couple of sentences which aren't really sentences.
eg:
"Though absorbing a group of mentally ill patients will not help their cause."
Drop the Though, and it works better.
and
"Forming temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for the upcoming ambush."
I'd suggest:
"They can form temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for an upcoming ambush.
I hope you don't mind this feedback - I tend to find stuff like this a little distracting and makes it more difficult for me to judge the idea on its own merits.
A good idea, though there are some significant wording issues and typos that are very distracting to me, and take away from this idea.
Some sentences are not formed well. For example:
"Taking the enemies property in lieu of payment."
,.. Is what? Allowed? Not Allowed? Encouraged?
There are bolded words which are setup as links, but do not link to anything. Eg. Blight to the Realm people or Estate beast.
I would suggest putting this submission through spellcheck (Google docs is easy and free) or using chrome and it's built in one.
I would also suggest reading the submission aloud to yourself to catch the odd wording, sentence structure, and the occasional run-on sentence. Go to Comment
You can change it back to private in work if you must, but adding an acknowledgement to the original source should be fine. Your take is a bit different so does not need to be cast away into the darkness :) Go to Comment
A very impressive submission! I was going to say first but you've been a member for a while - nice to see you posting.
A great idea - goes coin in purse with Dozus's The Way of Divine Wealth, with that religion's focus on commerce. Plots, detail, interactions with the PC's - great job!
I like two-faced organizations like this and agree with the bio-polar nature of some people. Some folks are very good at compartmentalization of behaviour. Go to Comment
Lifeforms (Intelligent Species) (Any)
A quick comment on word structure - you have a couple of sentences which aren't really sentences.
eg:
"Though absorbing a group of mentally ill patients will not help their cause."
Drop the Though, and it works better.
and
"Forming temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for the upcoming ambush."
I'd suggest:
"They can form temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for an upcoming ambush.
I hope you don't mind this feedback - I tend to find stuff like this a little distracting and makes it more difficult for me to judge the idea on its own merits.
Go to Comment