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Larvae of the Outer Gods
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-27 01:50 PM
These things feel almost like something out of Men-in-black. A category of enemy to be hunted by the organization. Could fit in many different genres.

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Bird Brains
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-02-04 06:58 AM
A decent magic item - more atmospheric and plot-usable then spells that just transmit the message. Good.

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Alexandra Stacja
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-23 09:21 PM


This stops mid sentence at the end. Her personality does not seem detailed beyond mischievous.



What were you looking for advice on?

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Fleabirds
Society/ Organizations  (Travelers)   (Area)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-22 12:26 PM
Yee Haaa Boys! Lets get rollin'.

For additional inspiration, a canadian offering - Trailer Park Boys
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trailer_Park_Boys

From my neck of the woods, or thereabouts.
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Fleabirds
Society/ Organizations  (Travelers)   (Area)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-22 12:26 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
30 Androids, Gynoids, and Mechanoids
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-21 11:36 AM
A great assortment of ideas on how robots could be incorporated into future society, even without considering their role in the Cosmic Era.

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30 Generals
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-21 08:31 AM
I think stripping the generals a little more of their historical actions and concentrating more on what made them different would have improved this list and kept it from being little more than very short wiki entries.

For example, Rommel was far more than a Desert General. He was an innovator, a mans-general. He was partly responsible for the heavy defence of Normandy, and had he been given the resources he asked for, things may have been quite different.

My point is not to add that to the entry, but to focus on what made him different from other generals and strip out the WWII events.

Crazy Horse is another example. What made him different from other generals apart from he was an American-Indian? If you dropped him into a medieval setting, how would you tell.

I think this is an excellent list idea, and a lot of work was done, but I think a focus on the personalities would render a far superior submission.

Oh, and Hitler was never a general, as much as he wanted to be. Puling out the political leader types and replacing them with more generals would also improve the sub (No Monty? No Eisenhower? Like them or not, these two had strong personalities which would serve well as archtypes)


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30 Generals
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-21 08:32 PM
If I thought it was hopeless, I would not have commented, especially not with that much detail.

I think you could make this a 4.5+ sub if you concentrated on what I suggested - there is so much potential with these individuals.

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Monks of the Bearded Moon
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-21 09:55 AM
This great, given the fairly restrictive premise - moonbeard. Of course I am a little biased towards it.

I echo the need for slightly more wierdness or perhaps darkness. Perhaps more strongly lean on the madness aspect of the moon - lunacy.



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Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-17 11:23 AM


*Snort*



Obligatory Typo:



4 chests full of treasure

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Standard Issue Escape Goat, EXTREME
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-18 10:54 AM
Take a look at the comments overall, rather than judge on one or two. The overall reception here is good and you have a lot of feedback.
Longspeaks feedback is gold. Go to Comment
Standard Issue Escape Goat
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2014-07-14 08:46 AM
We need a shot of strangeness from time to time. This certainly delivers :)
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The Belts of Parkour
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-15 02:19 PM
Update: Out with ye! Go to Comment
The Belts of Parkour
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-15 06:14 PM
Yikes typos! How embarassing! :)

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Blade of Racial Pride
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-26 07:22 AM
A decent item - it certainly can make sense in a mechanics perspective, as rules associated with such things as 'favoured races' exist. What makes a little less sense is that it itself is not associated with any particular race (such as that of the trapped spirit) and treats racism much as one would treat good, evil, law, chaos..

Essentially it is a sin-blade. Go to Comment
Pakint Dragongroom
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-15 07:43 AM
A really good redux, selection of the last name Pendragon gave it additional authenticity
(I hope that was your intent :))

A much more detailed and useful NPC. Mission Accomplished indeed.


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Pakint Dragongroom
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-15 07:43 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
River Horses
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-14 09:02 AM
A great submission MM! The LOTR imagery is strong here, but they are an excellent elemental spirit.

Nicely done!

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Adventures Beneath the Waves
Plots  (Crisis)   (Mini-Campaign)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-15 07:25 AM


A very organized and detailed plotline! It is hovering around the edge of being pre-scripted, but that is probably the only way to keep the text from becoming immense.



Also, being underwater tends to put strong controls on where and what you can do.



Great job!

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Overly-Attached Chainmail
Items  (Armor)   (Cursed)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-14 09:51 AM
Very good, but I am having a very hard time visualizing what is described as chainmail.

Bone armour of some kind, maybe, but when you say something is chainmail we have a very strong pre-existing picture of what chainmail is and looks like.

There is little room between the metal links of chainmail for either bone or leather to be involved, while something closer to Brigadine eg. http://howtomakearmour.blogspot.ca/2012/05/making-brigandine.html, would seem more likely to me.

Apart from that, it is a neat item and an interesting background. Madness and royalty go well together.




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