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The Black Leviathans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-30 01:43 PM
Update: Out with ye - Cult of Done! Go to Comment
The Black Leviathans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-30 09:15 PM
Its not broke - it was a filler link that didn't get filled..

Guess I'll need to fix it :)
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The Black Leviathans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2014-07-09 03:51 PM
Pieh? Wow! :)
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The connected
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-30 07:41 AM
There are a few hive-mind type creatures, but there is no reason you can't add another :)

A quick comment on word structure - you have a couple of sentences which aren't really sentences.

eg:

"Though absorbing a group of mentally ill patients will not help their cause."

Drop the Though, and it works better.

and

"Forming temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for the upcoming ambush."

I'd suggest:

"They can form temporary structures to get over walls or getting their brethren up on the ceiling for an upcoming ambush.


I hope you don't mind this feedback - I tend to find stuff like this a little distracting and makes it more difficult for me to judge the idea on its own merits.


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MagnaSpawn
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Other)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-16 02:42 PM
Mmm. Spawnage! For the Swarm! Go to Comment
World Creation and the Citadel
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Citadel Help)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-11 10:08 AM
Great idea!

I can also create regions if needed. I have a somewhat abandoned one here - http://strolen.com/regions/World_of_Neyathis

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Letters; of Marche, Reprisal, and Blight
Systems  (Political)   (General)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-13 11:08 AM
A good idea, though there are some significant wording issues and typos that are very distracting to me, and take away from this idea.

Some sentences are not formed well. For example:

"Taking the enemies property in lieu of payment."

,.. Is what? Allowed? Not Allowed? Encouraged?



There are bolded words which are setup as links, but do not link to anything. Eg. Blight to the Realm people or Estate beast.

I would suggest putting this submission through spellcheck (Google docs is easy and free) or using chrome and it's built in one.

I would also suggest reading the submission aloud to yourself to catch the odd wording, sentence structure, and the occasional run-on sentence.
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Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-06 07:41 AM


This is well described and detailed.



It does, however, very strongly echo the themes of http://strolen.com/viewing/Flirting_dress a fairly recent submission.

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Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-06 07:43 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-06 09:56 AM
You can change it back to private in work if you must, but adding an acknowledgement to the original source should be fine. Your take is a bit different so does not need to be cast away into the darkness :)
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The Face on Every Coin, Dini the Goddess of Currency
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-02 07:32 AM
A very impressive submission! I was going to say first but you've been a member for a while - nice to see you posting.

A great idea - goes coin in purse with Dozus's The Way of Divine Wealth, with that religion's focus on commerce. Plots, detail, interactions with the PC's - great job!




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The Demon's Grove
Locations  (Area)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-02 07:35 AM
Simple, well cited with lots of potential. This is good stuff Caesar.

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The Falling Castle
Locations  (Fortification)   (Other)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-30 12:00 PM
cult of done. Begone.

Will fix the ? in the title tonight. Why did it do that?
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Inns to remember
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-22 07:32 AM
Good locations, some good color. There is something slightly off in the language, but all in all an excellent post!
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Beastmaster's door
Dungeons  (Any)   (Doors)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-20 12:25 PM
This is very neat! Welcome aboard.

I really like this idea, and it is quite charming.

I think you meant to say 'best' in this sentence : "beast of its abilities." :)


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Burly Bill's Beautiful Beverages
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-22 09:10 AM
I like two-faced organizations like this and agree with the bio-polar nature of some people. Some folks are very good at compartmentalization of behaviour. Go to Comment
New Personal Best
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-22 09:02 AM
Excellent writing. Such good storytelling.

You are not just sharing an idea, but really telling a story. Awesome.
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30 Fairies
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-22 08:35 AM
Wow, this is another excellent 30, each one deserving of greater detail - perhaps their own subs.

The positioning of the Fairies as short-lived, relatively stupid creatures is interesting and creates a dynamic between these and other Fae.

Really love this one! Go to Comment
Evolutionary Theology
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Game Mastering)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-22 08:25 AM
A great sub that belongs in a worldbuilding folder for sure! Go to Comment
Patrol Pod
Items  (Transports)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-21 01:24 PM
Cool Squared :) I think Derek would like one of these...

This also seem perfect for adding an AI to.
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