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Apportation Research
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - In General)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-09-03 07:37 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Kandolari
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-06-14 10:43 AM


This is quite excellent for a first submission. Besides Echo's remark on what should be a rapidly declining population (maybe change it to 4 offspring, 2 of which might be "norma"). Besides that, this needs little changing, methinks. Well done, and welcome to the Citadel!


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30 Alchemists
NPCs  (Extras)   (Mystical)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-06-04 03:46 PM
These are awesome! Give us all 30, says I! Go to Comment
30 Alchemists
NPCs  (Extras)   (Mystical)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-06-12 09:04 PM


This may be one of my favorite submissions in a long, long time. Thanks for posting all 30!


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My Notes on Blood as a Component of Magic
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-03-26 06:32 PM
I like this. Being primarily interested in creating unique and interesting magic systems, subs like this just catch me. That it is written in the form of an academic lecture by a (seemingly) stuffy old mage is even better. Go to Comment
The Tree of Bone
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Mountains)
sverigesson's comment on 2011-03-15 08:27 PM
This is one of the best submissions in quite a while, I think. Great blend of epic and creepy. Go to Comment
Memory Moths
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-10 05:20 AM
I think this is excellent, and as I'm a huge fan of Norse mythology, the homemade myth origin of these moths is very compelling. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:01 AM


I have issues with this. First off, there is nothing to differentiate this from every other invincible robot assassin. Except that it is telepathic. And can teleport. And regenerate. And can manipulate the fabric of the universe to stop damage. And can create illusions. And is twice as fast as a human. And can climb on walls. And has magical senses (I thought this was Sci-Fi?) And has a "not very powerful" claw attack that can nonetheless pass through armor as though it were nothing. And supposedly has "time" powers that don't actually have anything to do with time. And is defective, causing it to "kill all fleshies", basically.



So basically, this is a "Robot Sue".



Now, you could do something interesting with this. Maybe its defective, so it has developed intelligence and a conscience, but still is compelled to murder. Since it can shunt damage into alternate versions of itself (that's how I'm reading that anyways), why doesn't it take random damage from other universes itself? These would at least make this a little bit interesting. Also, remove some abilities. Like, a lot of them.



Welcome to the citadel. You've got some pretty good subs already; just keep working to keep things unique and original.

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The Starspawn
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:30 AM
You can always make changes. I will revote if it is improved. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:33 AM
Sorry, I coined the phrase myself. A "Mary Sue" is a character who is just too perfect, and that makes them annoying. So this is a robot Mary Sue, or a Robot Sue. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 01:35 PM
In a word...

Hell hell hell yes yes yes! You have taken something mediocre and barely worth reading and turned it into something that really makes me ponder. The new backstory is excellent, and I love how you took its "damage reduction" ability and included the chance for a little DM fiat to help or hinder the heroes.

It's still not perfect, but it is definitely a worthy addition to the Citadel now. Well done. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 07:03 PM
Revoting. Go to Comment
The Inn of the Wild Geese
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:53 AM


You know what this reminds me of? The Ship that Sails Between the Worlds, of Moorcock's Elric Saga. A strange, construction that takes our heroes wherever they need to be, without all that pesky wandering. And of course, there could be the seed of a greater conflict here, such that the inn must gather the world's greatest heroes in order to defeat a great evil. An old idea, done in a fresh way. I agree that its not perfect, but it certainly is your best sub yet, Ramhir. Keep it up (And by that, I mean that I wish I were still pumping out subs like you. Don't let yourself run out of steam like me!).


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The Inn of the Wild Geese
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 01:45 PM
Well thanks, Ramhir. Glad to hear that someone is still getting something out of them. That was very encouraging, and who knows? Maybe I will start posting subs again.

Anyways, keep up the good work. You have potential. Go to Comment
Gauntlets of Strength: A detailed analysis
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Magical)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:23 AM


This is well written, interesting, and a great and realistic twist on an old and cliched magic item. What more could one want?


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30 Ways to Live
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Players)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-01 07:28 AM
Man, when I first read this, I was expecting a list of ways a person or culture could make a living in a fantasy world (and as of the first entry, I still thought that). That would have been more interesting and useful, I think. Not that this is bad, per se, but it reads more like a personal bucket list than a truly useful resource. Go to Comment
BattleSteeds
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Plains)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-10-20 12:11 PM


Wait a second... These are a sapient race who breed with normal, unintelligent horses? I don't know, but in addition to the other flaws this post has, that detail just doesn't seem right. Maybe they don't care, but any description of an intelligent species that was fine with getting it on with what would be animals to them, whether or not it makes sense in the context of their history just seems a little weird.



Also, the fact that they "breed" so the Catfolk can sell their offspring seems to imply that because they are not quite as intelligent as other intelligent races, they are being taken advantage of.



Don't get me wrong... There are some good parts of this, but there is definitely some history and other information that needs to improve this.


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BattleSteeds
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Plains)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:09 AM
But they do sell the halfbreed Battle-Horses, right? That's what I was getting at. Go to Comment
BattleSteeds
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Plains)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:13 AM


"Also, they look like horses, which means, since they cannot talk, that the other races will *treat* them like horses"



Then how did the catfolk originally partner up with them? There's some history missing here that could explain some things.



"The Catfolk have also bred up a race of horses that are as far advanced over the Forevergrass horses as the Forevergrass horses are over the normal horses bred by the other races. The other races call them battlesteeds."



You say that the catfolk bred up the  Battlesteeds. But then you say that they were created wholecloth from this Lord of Horses breeding with standard horses. So which is it?


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The Staff of Seryl
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
sverigesson's comment on 2010-05-21 08:07 PM
At first glance, this seems like one of those stupid ideas.

But the way you wrote it just made it good somehow. A very interesting item. One question: who made this and why? Go to Comment
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