A really nice idea and a flexable one as well. I have an idea of the stars spreading like a virus, making an army of berserkers. What it there was a sort of cult that forcefully implanted the parasites? All in all an excelent submission. Go to Comment
Ok I admit you might have one or two good points, but there are so many ones that are just nit-picking and without the bad ones to make you comment seem long and arduous, frankly you got nothing.
First off yes I do need to go over my work and I forgot because it was late, in future I will always use spell. This time I simply forgot. No need to use bold on words either, you get too worked up about these things.
I do not leave steps out, if there seems to be a gap it is because nothing interesting happens during that time.
The empire is important to the setting, and it is not only there to make the story too complicated for you. If I only put in the bare minimum you'd be very annoyed and the story would suffer and become thin.
The description was not called physical description for a reason. It just describes the character as he is now. Also you said something to the effect that the 'Straining' was part of the history and should of been part of the description (It seems you became aware of you mistake here and either forgot or couldn't be bothered to fix it). I did not want to reveal this until the end of the description and it was an integral part of the story of his history.
The adoption thing shows your confusion as well. The village did not take him in, the fletcher did, and how does having two fletchers make the village huge. Alinon took him in because his wife died with his unborn child. And they don't hate him enough to just dump a baby on the side of the road or whatever you were suggesting they would be inclined to do.
He entered the contest at first to earn respect. 'This kid' by the way was going to get into the senior contest when he was old enough.
Your point about the fair is unfounded, in a small village everyone was at the fair and the alleyways aren't full of street gangs. This sort of thing happened only because Gazni wanted revenge.
Oh and finally that fuss you made about the human and elf description is, for lack of a better word petty. I'm sorry it if it seemed I was patronizing you (oh wait no I'm not) but I described humans from the point of view of someone that lives in world fantasy world as I'm sure has been done countless times. But I also wanted to show the differences between the two races.
Maybe its time you thought before you write and lose some arrogance. Go to Comment