I like the idea of a crazy cult involved with various activities, but right now it seems too chaotic. They seem to be involved with too many activities. They worship death, and they also have crazy drugs, and they also have pleasure mages, and they also enjoy killing things... I would, if I were you, rework it to have one of these things be the overarching theme, and everything else fall under that, and take a lesser importance too that.
I also have a problem with the idea of a drug filled cult member being able to go out and successfully kill a person.
Other than that, it ws a well fleshed out idea. I enjoyed the list of stuff that might happen at their parties. It gives the reader a good understanding of how crazy these people are. Go to Comment
I liked the descriptions of the magic and the locations. I do, however, think that the races themselves could use a bit of culture description. The basics, though, some unifying theme that make the elves more than longer lived humans. Do the elves have a blood-letting ritual every full moon based on the half-forgotten superstition of the Blood Demons who need nourishment lest they seek it out violently? Do the Choca have a universally celebrated sport that eerily resembles the sport that Americans call soccer, and the Europeans call Football? Do the Dwarves enjoy chariot racing with giant lizards (that have a useful habit of clawing fellow giant lizards)? I realize each group of each race is going to be different, since geographically isolated peoples are going to develop habits and phrases that other groups of the same race don't, but there would probably be some basic, underlying similarities or themes. Go to Comment
Nice take on the Flowers. I liked how they were used to help Kensu, and how the monsters in this case was a killer. Though I think you should mention how both Kensu and the little girl (and as many other people as you feel necessary) worship the great god caesar193, I won't detract points for this omission. But still, bonus points for twisting the Flowers into an escape aid. Go to Comment
Another idea I had for these is their drug potential. If you want, it could be possible to chew or smoke or whatever these. It would give the person a massive high, while reverting them to more childish thoughts. Naturally, because they can only be found in dangerous, monster infested ruins, they would be quite expensive. A little reward for the PCs who survive they're experience with the Flowers of Innocence Go to Comment
May I direct your attention to the Oekaki free text? Oekaki is where you do a piece in 30 minutes. So, yes, you could say it was "rushed a little." If you follow the free text, you'll find the sub where Scrasamax explains Oekaki better than I could in a petty comment.
Anyways, if at some point in the future the idea of the flowers is proven to be good enough, I'll go through and exterminate typos and badly phrased sentences with extreme prejudice. Go to Comment
Wait a second... I inspired fanfic??? With a badly-logiced, badly-rationalized oekaki? I am honored. I shall have to go parse this fanfic as a god examines the petty lives of the mortals striving to gain a message that they are worthy of their very lives. I wonder whether this is how Stephanie Meyer feels like when she sees all the new vampire books and movies and etc. Go to Comment
Oh, the flowers can live in your forest glades and fey-homes. It's just that since they have the innocence is of them increased, that has to be balanced out by the dark side of them likewise being increased. And so, like a normal flower feeds on the nutrients of the decomposed dead to live, these flowers depend on sorrow and pain and blood to live. And yes, I just thought of that simile. Nothing of its form occured during the writing do this piece.
Anyways, because ruins tend to be places where some great calamity struck and caused the terror and fear and misery of thousands, the flowers like it there. The flowers thrive there. Go to Comment
I need one of these rings. They'd be very useful in siege situations- you'd be able to get soldiers inside the castle easily, since they'd survive (probably) the catapult ride.
What wold happen, though, if some dramatic-entrance-ruiner took out his spear or sword or something and tried to stab the bada** as he came down? Would bracing the spear against the floor work, or would the spear guy have to stab the approaching person? I'd assume that the bracing wouldn't work, though. And stabbing would be hard to do with also avoiding the projectile.
Blood-thirsty obsidian dream wolf things are always brilliant. How could you not, with that many adjectives? Anyways, according to the rules given, it would seem natural for the Storm God' violent side to emerge, and one could argue that a person's violent side is bestial, wolflike, and thus the Vauraki is created. Wicked good work, SE. Go to Comment
I was drawn by the title like a heroin addict drawn by a large pile of heroin. And then you tell me that its all about glory and fame? Sigh.
Question the First: why couldn't Brait help his sister in the beginning? I get the whole premise that he can only do great things in Josslander's name, but helping your sis with the water doesn't really require invoking Josslander.
Question the Second: why couldn't/didn't Brait wipe out the Viking party? Well, raiders. Same thing. Killing off six raiders single handedly is no small feat. Unless you use magic or a bow or something that can kill from far away.
Question the Third: the chap that's a waterfall now. Is he enjoying being continuously dashed on the riverbed? It would seem kind of painful to continuously fall and splatter, over and over and over... Go to Comment
It's a good idea, but I'd kind of like more. This seems like simply the bare bones of this idea. I mean, don't force more stuff in there just to please me, but... I don't know what you would add, though. Go to Comment
First: if you the resulting god-self was powerful enough, you could go make a paradise. You're a god, after all. Who's going to stop you?
First and a half: you go into the pantheon, but you don't actually have to do anything with them. You could just form a group with a couple of buddies and create some walls, a beach, and a couple of "entertainment pieces"
Second: if two people had same interests and suitability, they would simply get the same powers. There can be multiple gods of love or dancing or swimming or totalitarianism or tyranny or war or slaughter or battle or the sea or ... Or ... Or...
Great job, axelrowes. The backstory is really good. And creepy.
My only suggestion would be to throw a brief description of everything at the end. Like maybe a little something about the bird-things, and a little something more about the Cult. Something that sets in stone your idea of the Cult. Maybe add the consequences of writing Truth without the sun. A little something you couldn't add during the actual writing of the story.
Nice. So, basically, PCs running around with a reason for the antics they get up too.
My only suggestion would be to maybe add a couple more Guilds to the scene. The three you have do work, but I think that such a cult would have five maybe. I know if I joined I'd start my own guild, called the Laeti- the happy guild, believing that extreme happiness, the most perfectly happy a person could possibly be, leads to escape from the game.
But, overall, nice. This cult bears the caesar193 seal of approval. Go to Comment
To quote Dozus: "challenge accepted." I shall eventually do this. Naturally, the question of when is still uncertain. I'll try to do it now, but Mathom is a genius at what he does. If only he'd delay the bestow meant of his first on me. Go to Comment
Why can't it be used in the game? I considered adding a note at the bottom for this.
Simply pick a point in her tale and chop off the future with extreme prejudice. Simply take the entirety of her story as a baseline for how she'll act in the present. And to increase interaction, you could throw more oh-and-this-is-essential's in the whole unbanishing of Othnarios. I gave the basics. Why not throw in the fact that boiling tar from this valley needs to be poured into the hollowed out leg of the still alive kid? And then re-sew the hoof back on. Naturally.
Or you could use this to show what's happening elsewhere. While the PCs are running around after this villain, add a bit of flavor about this unlucky kingdom. And then, when they get enough levels and XP, Hope can resummon him. Go to Comment