This sub is awesome. I love it. I don't know why I love it, but I do. Ilken bears the caesar193 seal of approval. I will HoH this when I can. Go to Comment

Any game master can think up a 1001 combats over 1001 terrains. This doesn't really expand upon that. Why is there so many skeletons? Why now? Is the PCs secret necromancer enemy behind this, or is it a bandit necromancer trying to make ends meet? This, to me, is just another combat. I would expand it a little beyond the 100 word submission to answer some of these questions that your piece asks. Go to Comment

Yeah, I was thinking about how it fit together as a dungeon at the end. It was too sparse in the dungeon area to really be considered one. So what I think I'm going to do is just make it so the humans kill off the dwarven army, betray Brutheron (who can trust a turncoat like that?), and let the dwarves rebuild. Which would provide meaning to the description of the city. Maybe I can add a section about the war memorial where King Halfburth died... Go to Comment

That is true. The Short Valley Pass is an important pass for travel and trade. I will go add a bit for that purpose. Perhaps the Holdarks provide a place of safe refuge during the times Hrothen's minions come out...?

Anyway, good ideas. I will go edit it presently. Go to Comment

Update: Took up Stro Go to Comment

After I reading this, all I could think about is Jack London's To Build a Fire, in that both pieces' protagonists lack a name to avoid building connections between the reader and the protagonist (at least, I assume that's why the soldier is nameless).

I also just like the last line: "the ashes are still falling from the sky." It just encapsulates how quickly he went from soldier to suicide. Go to Comment

I think the protect the kids thing would be an excellent addition. And the kids should get names (latin, like the name of the sword and furis), too. Along with the wife. And your first question: if you're asking who the sword is talking to throughout the piece, then i would say itself. Or, if you're asking what, in the RPG that the sword is living in, the sword is talking to, as in how it manipulates its wielders, then I'd say it doesn't use such crass methods as actual speech, but more of a telepathic urging, making it easier to think this, harder to think that, and before you know it you're orc huntin'.

And the lost/found cycle thing- it gets a bit repititive to the sword, too. As it no doubt would to any magc item in your PCs pack. Go to Comment

Update: Used axelerowe's suggestion and added a sword v self scene, as well as the names of the kids. Go to Comment

Very nice. But why stop at seven? Us dwarves are very good at building things. This should turn into the Top 30 Wonders of the World- Naturally, All Made by Dwarves.

Anyways, good work, valadaar. Go to Comment

Please, please, Omath, bless me! Drive away the cursed blessings f Mathim from me! Ple-e-eeeeeeeeeeease!

That being said, this sub bears the caesar193 seal of improval. Jolly good work! May Otham bless all the Strolenites on their various tasks, and may He banish the cursed influence of Mathom forever more! Go to Comment

Update: Reworked the initial mayor-Luke conversation. Hopefully, the mayor looks... shadier. Especially since this is in a forest. or forst clearing, if you want to quote obscure line in the above piece at me. Go to Comment

First: the last question. Just to make it sure to myself, is it sarcastic? as in, "Well, duh, its the mayor who killed the goblins." Or is it a legit, "Please, oh wise and merciful caesar193, tell us who killed the goblins! We shall give you a great many gifts in return for servicing our curiosity."

Second, thanks for the advice. I will go read it a loud right now. Perhaps it will help. Go to Comment

So what you're saying is that a guy with an empty scabbard, with a sword left at the scene, can just say that he's innocent and of course he is? I mean, if that worked in the real world, lets go on a killing spree! Now, by this, I am neither saying nor denying whether or not he is innocent of these murders. But if you are wondering if he's guilty... I need to ramp up the suspicion. Go to Comment

I have not added to this for a while. I need to get into the bit with the goblins, but lack the time right now. Tommorrow you will get to see a bit of the goblin way of life. At least, i pray to Othamm that this is so. Go to Comment

thanks for the typo info. I will terminate it with great prejudice.

And yes, I agree that the conversation could use a little work. Such matters are not my strong point. That being said (or typed? whatever...), it will probably stay as it is until the whole thing is done. Go to Comment

Nice. A good necromancer motivated by love and justice. Could she go out if she wore cloth over all of her body? Go to Comment

I did that once all ready! Sigh. Go to Comment

Update: Got rid of the alcohol/women joke at the last couple paragraphs, and the spy thing. I didn't like the spy thing anyways. Go to Comment

Update: Acting on Strolen's advice, the PottyPortal is now a normal sub. I also added a bit about use and treasure. Have at it, voters. Go to Comment

Just one quick thing: you misspelled disgraced in the captain of the guard entry. C, not s.

Other than that, pretty good. I'm looking forward to see how this turns out. Go to Comment