Pretty much all of the above. To avoid repeating all of them, I won't talk about the backstory. Maybe you could add something to the stats, if you don't end up deleting them entirely. Maybe say which system you used, or maybe translate it to other systems? Like say that it provides a lot of hit points. But you could throw the stats into the backstory in a creative way. Like for example, describe how Averemarn (sorry if I mangled the name) was badly wounded the next battle but found his wounds closing, and how the demonic forces looked on the magic in fear and fled.
Right now, I'll give you a 2/5. I'll relook and revote if you edit it. Go to Comment
I wouldn't mind you writing micro stories about Atheus at all. Well, I'd like it if you PMed me the details of a potential sub you had in mind, so that I could tell you if this part makes sense according to my vision of this place. But go right ahead.
And about the "something I know you excel at" you mentioned? Why, thank you most kindly, sir. I am quite honored.
Vignettes (thank The Lord for online dictionaries!) coming right up! As soon as I find my brain. Go to Comment
Half-caste races? Like half-elves and and dwarf-orcs?
They don't exist. Elves and dwarves and humans and the others are different species and cannot interbreed.
And for the human thing- it is human against the world, yes, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world likes each other. Elves and dwarves and goblins and orcs still have wars between each other, and the chances of them stabilizing would be exceedingly low. Unless, of course, a particularly charismatic chief came around... Go to Comment
Cool. Well organized and filled with detail. The one question I have is ease of use. How long does it take to master, to become a crack shot? Go to Comment
Did you get that cake line from Marie Antoinette? I liked all of this. The pics adds the entire thing. Did you design the Lego tank yourself, or was it with instructions? But now, I just can't help but wonder about the weapon that's being built in the Inuksuk arco that Brian and the rest of the party are exploring, and pondering tanks...
She has heard of some compound or book or something that can cure (or perhaps regenerate her soul slightly) her of zombiism. She wants the PCs to go get it.
Anyways, I like them. Adds good details to Mother Monster.
And now for advice...
I think what you have is good. All I'd say you'd need is a plot hook for iseabal, to continue the pattern. I have that one idea, which I just gave, so if you want, go use it. You should probably add a couple more details, though. Go to Comment
Maddux Systems (Geological/ Geographical)
(Defining)
Nice idea. Nice organization. Maybe I should steal this idea for my own land of Hypoten (with a slight variation, of course. Perhaps Sylvia would be a good place for it?) because your land is geographically near my land. Anyway, I enjoyed the backstory of the coining of the term maddux Go to Comment
The multiple separate histories, written by the different people, was a great method. I especially like how the difference in perspective changed from the warkra just being a pest to explaining their side.
On the subject of Warkra, I personally think that they are too innocent. You have made them a society that does not hate, or have enemies. I think that any human culture is going to have some degree of competition. And competition spawns rivalries, which spawn enemies. And, if they were living on the four small islands, they'd probably not meet the people on the northern one. But this is a detail, and I won't mark you down for it.
Other than that, it had all the classic elements of excellence: depressed gods, a hard won miracle, and islands who just hate gray hairs. Good job, Axelrowes. Go to Comment
I agree with Dossta. This is missing something, I just don't know what.
Moving on to the technical.
You say they raise elephants. If by raise you mean they threw a bunch of elephants int the wild and now take them, then yes, it would be possible. My only concern then would be the elephants getting enough food. But if by raise you mean domesticate, as in raise like cattle or horses, then it is impossible. Humans have been trying for thousands of years. If it could be done, Carthage and India and all the other elephant-containing areas in history would have done so. After all, a domesticated elephant would be far better in military- better control over the beast, less likely to go on a pain-driven rampage killing your own guys, etc. Frankly, they gnomes could not raise elephants like livestock.
Also- molten salt batteries? I like how you used a byproduct to help the process that created the byproduct in the first place, but if we could have molten salt batteries, that were powerful enough to be competitive on the global (or universal) markets, we would be using them. I am not a chemist, so I don't know how feasible the idea is, but I feel the only way you could use the salt as a power source is pouring it through a turbine, like hydro-power.
Moving on to the good stuff
I do like how these gnomes managed to turn a hostile world into a top producer of food. They are productive little chaps, arean't they? Anyways, as a said in the salt but, I like how byproducts were used to drive the process.
Ooh! Here's my question: how did the gnomes turn the deserts/dry plains into fertile farmland?
Anyway, I like this, but there are some technical issues. Go to Comment
If the gnomes played with the genes of the elephants to make it possible to raise them, then they wouldn't have elephants any more, would they? They'd have something that looked like elephants, sure, but not actual elephants. Also, we have had plenty of time to domesticate elephants, and all we've managed to do is go into the wild, tame them, and bring them back home. Elephants are simply impossible to domesticate. If you want me to quote non-fiction books at you, I will. Go to Comment
The first thing I would like to say is response is that your comment is about the size of a sub :)
Anyways, yes, that is a good summary. I'll get around to throwing up the summary soon.
1. A background, you say? I might get around to it.
2. Sperrius: I like the idea of an early encounter with the chap. Perhaps instead of having the PCs see him in person, I'll have the peasents tell wild tales about him, talking about his frostbitten nose (good idea, by the by) and great physical strength.
3. The algae is supposed to be hard to find and discover. I might leave some hard to find additional evidence in some forgotton about corner (maybe near the moss with Katrin Borea), but say that is at the DM/GM's discretion.
4. I was thinking about the repitiveness of the SOP. In the Part Three, their are mountain creature's the PCs will have to fight off, as well as wild magic. Perhaps have the PCs fight against a Yeti and the SOP in a three-way battle?
5. Yeah, there is a bit of railroading. I'll try to think up another way to go about it. Maybe have Katrin try to get the PCs to steal the information with her?
Anyways, some helpful and lengthy feedback. Go to Comment
I love this. People eating trees, a cliche enchanted forest, a chained god, and even rewards for smart players! This gets the caesar193 seal of approval. Go to Comment
Depends on the details added. If shadoweagle added a couple of physical traits, or perhaps said that all the animals became sharp-toothed monstrosities, it wouldn't make it less useable.
Ooh! Idea: herbivores are made into omnivores, and omnivores into carnivores Go to Comment
Could the PCs/villain fix the sword, so that it could be used to kill and resurrect the undead wielder?
I could see how this would be useful (and annoying, from the PCs perspective). The backstory is nice, though getting continuously crushed by a load of bricks would be horrible. I could see sadistic kings using it to torture someone to death, and then repeat...
I wouldn't think it'd be an insult, because it would simply be trading for a favor. If anything, the trade priest would ask for double the price of the favor (perhaps triple?). After all, the more money they make, the better their chances with the Divine Broker. Go to Comment
I like this idea. It seems like a better idea to buy favors from your god than to beg them, but that's just my idle thoughts. These guys are, in a word, very interesting.
And congrats on your first cartography sub! Go to Comment
Locations (City) (Other)
Other than that, it was good. Nice details, good backstory. Go to Comment