Its nicely written, and the books themselves are pretty and well-composed enough to bump my vote up to a three. But there just isn't enough content to warrant a higher vote, as my commenting predecessors say. If you ever re-look at this (which I'd say is unlikely, since it's kinda old), then I'll revote, but until then... Go to Comment
Though I was slightly baffled from your transition from kindly knitting circle and innocent (for the area) barmaids to evil, human-sacrificing cult (I didn't read the subs you linked, so that might be it), overall it is a good sub. The plot hooks really close up and tie loose ends together. Go to Comment
You seem to use the first person more prevelantly in the later sections than in the begining ones. In fact, in the Dress section, the only use of the first person is with the phrase "I never saw..."- which, by the way, is to common, you should probably vary it. Still, I enjoyed the use of the first person, and how the dwarf speaking was talking as if informing one of his clanmembers about the Ivanvil. The use of the festival to describe two of the allavets was excellent.
The rest of it was great as well. All those little details about them truly gave me a feel for who they are as a people- deceitful, manipulative rash warriors. I could easily see one of them as some sort of noble playing political games in an attempt at control, or bandit leader plotting a clever ambush.
I'm not clear how they fit into the rest of the world, though. What interactions do they have with the rest of the world besides robbing them? We get some idea with the merchants and the military aid. Go to Comment
Definitly Mongolian. A good sub, but I have one question- how do they learn to ride their horses? If a person's horse was their partner, they would never let anyone else ride it, so a kid couldn't learn how to ride until they found their special horse. So would the Sisters of Magul teach kids how to ride, along with the communication aspect? Go to Comment
I like it. What if it was made by some guy who was morally inclined THIS way, and worn by a guy who was morally inclined THAT way? Does the ring align its "moral compass" to the wearers ideas of perverse behaviors or the makers? If the maker believes multiple marriages is wrong, and the wearer thinks that they're okay, would the wearer go numb?
Space goblins who ram their enemies. Once they ram the right ship and get guns, do they use the guns on their next attack? And how big could their ships actually get, if it wasn't blown up? Bigger than an asteroid? A moon? A planet? Big enough to suck other ships into orbit? Go to Comment
Like Dossta, you begin the sub by talking about the PCs backstory, and end by talking about two to increase the realism of your world. Though I am going to use this, the change did startle me somewhat.
Other than that, this sub bears the caesar193 seal of approval. Great stuff. Go to Comment
The floating islands idea seems to me to be a classic of the genre. And you did a good job of presenting them. However, I do have some questions:
1. Food. How do they get it? Hunting and gathering would probably be the smartest choice, bt it would limit the creation of kingdoms and airships. Thus, they would have to farm. But with all the land in such small areas, only small villages could be supported on the surface. You could live in the caves, but there are all ready subterranean dwellers- not to mention the orcs and goblins you mention living at the bottoms of islands.
2. Timber. Apparently, airships are mostly made of wood, but there are few forest islands. This seems to me to be a paradox- an airship would require huge amounts of wood from a place that doesn't have lots of wood. And this does not mention all the other ways humans need wood- such as tools, housing, etc. It see,s to me that kingdoms and groups that rely on airships would have cut down all the trees long ago to achieve dominance. Just look at Easter Island.
3. Endless Sea. Why is it an endless sea? Why not have some islands on it? As in regular islands. With them, you could add fish and other seafood to the diet. And, because of the storms, such seafood would become a luxury. Geological speaking, their would probably be some sort of volcanic, geological uplift, or other type of mountain. So why isn't there?
4. Typo. Under your Endless Sea, the first word, which is beneath, you have an extra e at the end.
To be clear, I like the idea, but it seems to me that it the internal workings could be improved. Go to Comment
With an old, abandoned road leading from it off into the woods stands a well. This well has clearly been abandoned: its stone roof has cracked and fallen, the rope has all but rotted through, and a fallen tree has taken out one side of the well. The twilight sun turns the whole thing into a picturesque scene, as well as a sharp reminder of the effects of time. Go to Comment
I love this format. Simple, easy, to the point. I have all ready used it once, and am currently writing up an awesome five room dungeon right now. This sub bears the caesar193 seal of approval. As you may of guessed from the HoH I gave it. Go to Comment