Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Ashes Falling from the Sky
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
caesar193's comment on 2012-11-07 02:23 PM
After I reading this, all I could think about is Jack London's To Build a Fire, in that both pieces' protagonists lack a name to avoid building connections between the reader and the protagonist (at least, I assume that's why the soldier is nameless).

I also just like the last line: "the ashes are still falling from the sky." It just encapsulates how quickly he went from soldier to suicide. Go to Comment
Opprimere
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-30 06:56 AM
I think the protect the kids thing would be an excellent addition. And the kids should get names (latin, like the name of the sword and furis), too. Along with the wife. And your first question: if you're asking who the sword is talking to throughout the piece, then i would say itself. Or, if you're asking what, in the RPG that the sword is living in, the sword is talking to, as in how it manipulates its wielders, then I'd say it doesn't use such crass methods as actual speech, but more of a telepathic urging, making it easier to think this, harder to think that, and before you know it you're orc huntin'.

And the lost/found cycle thing- it gets a bit repititive to the sword, too. As it no doubt would to any magc item in your PCs pack. Go to Comment
Opprimere
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-30 03:16 PM
Update: Used axelerowe's suggestion and added a sword v self scene, as well as the names of the kids. Go to Comment
Seven Wonders of the Dwarven World
Locations  (Other)   (Other)
caesar193's comment on 2012-11-29 07:55 PM
Very nice. But why stop at seven? Us dwarves are very good at building things. This should turn into the Top 30 Wonders of the World- Naturally, All Made by Dwarves.

Anyways, good work, valadaar. Go to Comment
Othamm, the God of Completion
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-15 07:38 PM
Please, please, Omath, bless me! Drive away the cursed blessings f Mathim from me! Ple-e-eeeeeeeeeeease!

That being said, this sub bears the caesar193 seal of improval. Jolly good work! May Otham bless all the Strolenites on their various tasks, and may He banish the cursed influence of Mathom forever more! Go to Comment
The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-16 09:12 PM
Update: Reworked the initial mayor-Luke conversation. Hopefully, the mayor looks... shadier. Especially since this is in a forest. or forst clearing, if you want to quote obscure line in the above piece at me. Go to Comment
The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-16 02:13 PM
First: the last question. Just to make it sure to myself, is it sarcastic? as in, "Well, duh, its the mayor who killed the goblins." Or is it a legit, "Please, oh wise and merciful caesar193, tell us who killed the goblins! We shall give you a great many gifts in return for servicing our curiosity."

Second, thanks for the advice. I will go read it a loud right now. Perhaps it will help. Go to Comment
The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-16 08:54 PM
So what you're saying is that a guy with an empty scabbard, with a sword left at the scene, can just say that he's innocent and of course he is? I mean, if that worked in the real world, lets go on a killing spree! Now, by this, I am neither saying nor denying whether or not he is innocent of these murders. But if you are wondering if he's guilty... I need to ramp up the suspicion. Go to Comment
The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-18 07:46 PM
I have not added to this for a while. I need to get into the bit with the goblins, but lack the time right now. Tommorrow you will get to see a bit of the goblin way of life. At least, i pray to Othamm that this is so. Go to Comment
The Mines
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
caesar193's comment on 2012-11-02 09:03 PM
thanks for the typo info. I will terminate it with great prejudice.

And yes, I agree that the conversation could use a little work. Such matters are not my strong point. That being said (or typed? whatever...), it will probably stay as it is until the whole thing is done. Go to Comment
William and Eleanor Piven
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-12 03:03 PM
Nice. A good necromancer motivated by love and justice. Could she go out if she wore cloth over all of her body? Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-10 08:18 PM
I did that once all ready! Sigh. Go to Comment
The Cartography Guild
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-28 08:59 PM
Update: Got rid of the alcohol/women joke at the last couple paragraphs, and the spy thing. I didn't like the spy thing anyways. Go to Comment
The PottyPortal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-14 03:00 PM
Update: Acting on Strolen's advice, the PottyPortal is now a normal sub. I also added a bit about use and treasure. Have at it, voters. Go to Comment
The Non-Assassination of Jaspar Zane
Articles  (Campaign)   (Game Mastering)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-08 08:58 PM
Just one quick thing: you misspelled disgraced in the captain of the guard entry. C, not s.

Other than that, pretty good. I'm looking forward to see how this turns out. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-04 08:26 PM
I may not have made it 100% clear. They are nomadic. They do follow the herd animals. They also plant a farm during the spring, and let it be for the summer, then harvest during the fall. I'll go write that bit in now. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-03 02:20 PM
I have no idea. I didn't put them there, I didn't want them there, but there they are. I did delete them once, but they're back. Probably just some ad. Go to Comment
Plains Elves
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Regional)
caesar193's comment on 2012-10-03 03:32 PM
Good questions. I put this under the advice requested for that reason- I felt it needed something more, but wasn't sure what that thing was. I'll add some of those things now. Go to Comment
Slagger Tornfury
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
caesar193's comment on 2012-09-30 04:27 PM
Overall, a good sub. I personally would like to see less of the dwarfish sayings, so that the meaning is clearer. If you want, keep some of them in there, to spice the whole thing up, but clarity should be kept. And for me, the beard of unlocking, while a good idea (and I'm probably going to steal it at some point), just doesn't fit the picture of a dwarf who goes on berserk rages to slaughter elves. Tornfury isn't exactly the stealth type. It would be more realistic to give him a power to automatically bust doors down with one kick, even if its magically reinforced.
Still, I like the idea of a dwarf going on rampages killing elves. Go to Comment
Exitium
Locations  (Ruins)   (Forest/ Jungle)
caesar193's comment on 2012-09-29 03:57 PM
Update: Finally, its done! Go to Comment
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