I agree with Dossta. This is missing something, I just don't know what.
Moving on to the technical.
You say they raise elephants. If by raise you mean they threw a bunch of elephants int the wild and now take them, then yes, it would be possible. My only concern then would be the elephants getting enough food. But if by raise you mean domesticate, as in raise like cattle or horses, then it is impossible. Humans have been trying for thousands of years. If it could be done, Carthage and India and all the other elephant-containing areas in history would have done so. After all, a domesticated elephant would be far better in military- better control over the beast, less likely to go on a pain-driven rampage killing your own guys, etc. Frankly, they gnomes could not raise elephants like livestock.
Also- molten salt batteries? I like how you used a byproduct to help the process that created the byproduct in the first place, but if we could have molten salt batteries, that were powerful enough to be competitive on the global (or universal) markets, we would be using them. I am not a chemist, so I don't know how feasible the idea is, but I feel the only way you could use the salt as a power source is pouring it through a turbine, like hydro-power.
Moving on to the good stuff
I do like how these gnomes managed to turn a hostile world into a top producer of food. They are productive little chaps, arean't they? Anyways, as a said in the salt but, I like how byproducts were used to drive the process.
Ooh! Here's my question: how did the gnomes turn the deserts/dry plains into fertile farmland?
Anyway, I like this, but there are some technical issues. Go to Comment
If the gnomes played with the genes of the elephants to make it possible to raise them, then they wouldn't have elephants any more, would they? They'd have something that looked like elephants, sure, but not actual elephants. Also, we have had plenty of time to domesticate elephants, and all we've managed to do is go into the wild, tame them, and bring them back home. Elephants are simply impossible to domesticate. If you want me to quote non-fiction books at you, I will. Go to Comment
The first thing I would like to say is response is that your comment is about the size of a sub :)
Anyways, yes, that is a good summary. I'll get around to throwing up the summary soon.
1. A background, you say? I might get around to it.
2. Sperrius: I like the idea of an early encounter with the chap. Perhaps instead of having the PCs see him in person, I'll have the peasents tell wild tales about him, talking about his frostbitten nose (good idea, by the by) and great physical strength.
3. The algae is supposed to be hard to find and discover. I might leave some hard to find additional evidence in some forgotton about corner (maybe near the moss with Katrin Borea), but say that is at the DM/GM's discretion.
4. I was thinking about the repitiveness of the SOP. In the Part Three, their are mountain creature's the PCs will have to fight off, as well as wild magic. Perhaps have the PCs fight against a Yeti and the SOP in a three-way battle?
5. Yeah, there is a bit of railroading. I'll try to think up another way to go about it. Maybe have Katrin try to get the PCs to steal the information with her?
Could the PCs/villain fix the sword, so that it could be used to kill and resurrect the undead wielder?
I could see how this would be useful (and annoying, from the PCs perspective). The backstory is nice, though getting continuously crushed by a load of bricks would be horrible. I could see sadistic kings using it to torture someone to death, and then repeat...
I wouldn't think it'd be an insult, because it would simply be trading for a favor. If anything, the trade priest would ask for double the price of the favor (perhaps triple?). After all, the more money they make, the better their chances with the Divine Broker. Go to Comment
In the summary, you mention undeath. And then in the rest of the sub, you simply call Ghorion a troll. So is he a troll, or an undead troll?
Also, what's the point? Yes, he would be a challenge for high level PCs, but what is the point? Why does he exist? Why is he an enemy? Has he been slaughtering peasants or living peacefully by himself without interfering with anyone? Why, in short, should the PCs kill him?
Also, you say that he has protection from metal and stone weaponry while touching the ground. Does this protection extend to buildings? Do the PCs have to bodily get him hovering in mid air to stab him? That might be a little difficult to do. And if he isn't protected in buildings, why does he bother with a fort besides the coolness factor? If you couldn't be harmed with weapons on the ground, why would you ever stop touching the ground?
I think Ghorion has some potential, but could use some clean-up. Go to Comment
(Why didnt I reply to this one before? I thought I did. Anyway...) she didn't take on 30 skeletons and a semblance. She took on less than 30 skeletons and a semblance. The guards may be cowards, but they are not completely incompetent. They must have killed some of the skeletons. Maybe Ariel had to kill 20 or so of the skeletons.
Still, she is powerful. But only when berserking- random thugs and rapists on the streets of Grathen would only be fighting a normal girl. Who has a pair of daggers and knows how to use them. Go to Comment
Some very good questions. I'll have to go back through the sub.
Anyway, lets take this question by question
I'd say that perhaps NECRO lacked another cell for the girl, or couldn't imagine that they would dare risk NECRO's wrath if they did challenge them. As for why wait till Ariel was old enough to be sacrificed (all the cliche virgin sacrifices use teens instead of, say, babies- NECRO is no exception), they would want to remain inconspicuous. Too many disappearances would attract too many eyes. And as for the wait, well, NECRO had no idea where Ariel went to after she fled. And they had seen her take out a demon, so they wanted sufficient force to kill her. And they sent a small force because they still had to use stealth- Grathen would probably notice a large group of undead strolling through the streets.
As for the bit about the revenge child, takes revenge for her mother.
Her power comes from her desire to get vengeance. Revenge (perhaps a god like Nemesis? But I was thinking more along the lines of a primal force) picked her as her own, and she gained powers from that.
Does this answer all you questions? I'll go through the sub and clarify a couple of points at a later point. Go to Comment
Awesome. An amalgam of its victims and old weapons. A bile that allows it to create a horde, and heal it.
The one question that I do have is how intelligent the thing is. Is this thing human smart? Smarter than us? Stupider than us? If I were to guess, I'd say its around our intelligence. After all, it's using stealth, and able to reason out the benefits of tearing its body apart and adding bile. Go to Comment
Any game master can think up a 1001 combats over 1001 terrains. This doesn't really expand upon that. Why is there so many skeletons? Why now? Is the PCs secret necromancer enemy behind this, or is it a bandit necromancer trying to make ends meet? This, to me, is just another combat. I would expand it a little beyond the 100 word submission to answer some of these questions that your piece asks. Go to Comment
Yeah, I was thinking about how it fit together as a dungeon at the end. It was too sparse in the dungeon area to really be considered one. So what I think I'm going to do is just make it so the humans kill off the dwarven army, betray Brutheron (who can trust a turncoat like that?), and let the dwarves rebuild. Which would provide meaning to the description of the city. Maybe I can add a section about the war memorial where King Halfburth died... Go to Comment
That is true. The Short Valley Pass is an important pass for travel and trade. I will go add a bit for that purpose. Perhaps the Holdarks provide a place of safe refuge during the times Hrothen's minions come out...?
The party is walking through the forest at night when they come upon a clearing. Half a dozen black-robed corpses lie scattered across the ground, and a pentagram of blood is shoddily drawn in the dirt.
It seems these people summoned something they could not control. Whether or not the demon returns is up to the GM, but it would be just as rich if the demon never returned, and for the rest of the night, every stray sound or odd shadow will be jumped at!