Did you get that cake line from Marie Antoinette? I liked all of this. The pics adds the entire thing. Did you design the Lego tank yourself, or was it with instructions? But now, I just can't help but wonder about the weapon that's being built in the Inuksuk arco that Brian and the rest of the party are exploring, and pondering tanks...
Solid suggestions, Forganthus, and I'll put some of them in there I think that I'll put some extra bits in their to make him more interesting. And no, he doesnt't have to be an orphan, I just am him one to give him more freedom to hang with the knights. I'm thinking now of making him a runaway, who joined a gang and became a thief. And now, since the knights rejected him, he's regressed into his old way of thinking- which would help with his plot.
And as for something unexpected- hmm. I'll get back to you on that one. Go to Comment
She has heard of some compound or book or something that can cure (or perhaps regenerate her soul slightly) her of zombiism. She wants the PCs to go get it.
Anyways, I like them. Adds good details to Mother Monster.
And now for advice...
I think what you have is good. All I'd say you'd need is a plot hook for iseabal, to continue the pattern. I have that one idea, which I just gave, so if you want, go use it. You should probably add a couple more details, though. Go to Comment
Maddux Systems (Geological/ Geographical)
Nice idea. Nice organization. Maybe I should steal this idea for my own land of Hypoten (with a slight variation, of course. Perhaps Sylvia would be a good place for it?) because your land is geographically near my land. Anyway, I enjoyed the backstory of the coining of the term maddux Go to Comment
The multiple separate histories, written by the different people, was a great method. I especially like how the difference in perspective changed from the warkra just being a pest to explaining their side.
On the subject of Warkra, I personally think that they are too innocent. You have made them a society that does not hate, or have enemies. I think that any human culture is going to have some degree of competition. And competition spawns rivalries, which spawn enemies. And, if they were living on the four small islands, they'd probably not meet the people on the northern one. But this is a detail, and I won't mark you down for it.
Other than that, it had all the classic elements of excellence: depressed gods, a hard won miracle, and islands who just hate gray hairs. Good job, Axelrowes. Go to Comment
I agree with Dossta. This is missing something, I just don't know what.
Moving on to the technical.
You say they raise elephants. If by raise you mean they threw a bunch of elephants int the wild and now take them, then yes, it would be possible. My only concern then would be the elephants getting enough food. But if by raise you mean domesticate, as in raise like cattle or horses, then it is impossible. Humans have been trying for thousands of years. If it could be done, Carthage and India and all the other elephant-containing areas in history would have done so. After all, a domesticated elephant would be far better in military- better control over the beast, less likely to go on a pain-driven rampage killing your own guys, etc. Frankly, they gnomes could not raise elephants like livestock.
Also- molten salt batteries? I like how you used a byproduct to help the process that created the byproduct in the first place, but if we could have molten salt batteries, that were powerful enough to be competitive on the global (or universal) markets, we would be using them. I am not a chemist, so I don't know how feasible the idea is, but I feel the only way you could use the salt as a power source is pouring it through a turbine, like hydro-power.
Moving on to the good stuff
I do like how these gnomes managed to turn a hostile world into a top producer of food. They are productive little chaps, arean't they? Anyways, as a said in the salt but, I like how byproducts were used to drive the process.
Ooh! Here's my question: how did the gnomes turn the deserts/dry plains into fertile farmland?
Anyway, I like this, but there are some technical issues. Go to Comment
If the gnomes played with the genes of the elephants to make it possible to raise them, then they wouldn't have elephants any more, would they? They'd have something that looked like elephants, sure, but not actual elephants. Also, we have had plenty of time to domesticate elephants, and all we've managed to do is go into the wild, tame them, and bring them back home. Elephants are simply impossible to domesticate. If you want me to quote non-fiction books at you, I will. Go to Comment
The first thing I would like to say is response is that your comment is about the size of a sub :)
Anyways, yes, that is a good summary. I'll get around to throwing up the summary soon.
1. A background, you say? I might get around to it.
2. Sperrius: I like the idea of an early encounter with the chap. Perhaps instead of having the PCs see him in person, I'll have the peasents tell wild tales about him, talking about his frostbitten nose (good idea, by the by) and great physical strength.
3. The algae is supposed to be hard to find and discover. I might leave some hard to find additional evidence in some forgotton about corner (maybe near the moss with Katrin Borea), but say that is at the DM/GM's discretion.
4. I was thinking about the repitiveness of the SOP. In the Part Three, their are mountain creature's the PCs will have to fight off, as well as wild magic. Perhaps have the PCs fight against a Yeti and the SOP in a three-way battle?
5. Yeah, there is a bit of railroading. I'll try to think up another way to go about it. Maybe have Katrin try to get the PCs to steal the information with her?
Could the PCs/villain fix the sword, so that it could be used to kill and resurrect the undead wielder?
I could see how this would be useful (and annoying, from the PCs perspective). The backstory is nice, though getting continuously crushed by a load of bricks would be horrible. I could see sadistic kings using it to torture someone to death, and then repeat...
I wouldn't think it'd be an insult, because it would simply be trading for a favor. If anything, the trade priest would ask for double the price of the favor (perhaps triple?). After all, the more money they make, the better their chances with the Divine Broker. Go to Comment
In the summary, you mention undeath. And then in the rest of the sub, you simply call Ghorion a troll. So is he a troll, or an undead troll?
Also, what's the point? Yes, he would be a challenge for high level PCs, but what is the point? Why does he exist? Why is he an enemy? Has he been slaughtering peasants or living peacefully by himself without interfering with anyone? Why, in short, should the PCs kill him?
Also, you say that he has protection from metal and stone weaponry while touching the ground. Does this protection extend to buildings? Do the PCs have to bodily get him hovering in mid air to stab him? That might be a little difficult to do. And if he isn't protected in buildings, why does he bother with a fort besides the coolness factor? If you couldn't be harmed with weapons on the ground, why would you ever stop touching the ground?
I think Ghorion has some potential, but could use some clean-up. Go to Comment
(Why didnt I reply to this one before? I thought I did. Anyway...) she didn't take on 30 skeletons and a semblance. She took on less than 30 skeletons and a semblance. The guards may be cowards, but they are not completely incompetent. They must have killed some of the skeletons. Maybe Ariel had to kill 20 or so of the skeletons.
Still, she is powerful. But only when berserking- random thugs and rapists on the streets of Grathen would only be fighting a normal girl. Who has a pair of daggers and knows how to use them. Go to Comment
Some very good questions. I'll have to go back through the sub.
Anyway, lets take this question by question
I'd say that perhaps NECRO lacked another cell for the girl, or couldn't imagine that they would dare risk NECRO's wrath if they did challenge them. As for why wait till Ariel was old enough to be sacrificed (all the cliche virgin sacrifices use teens instead of, say, babies- NECRO is no exception), they would want to remain inconspicuous. Too many disappearances would attract too many eyes. And as for the wait, well, NECRO had no idea where Ariel went to after she fled. And they had seen her take out a demon, so they wanted sufficient force to kill her. And they sent a small force because they still had to use stealth- Grathen would probably notice a large group of undead strolling through the streets.
As for the bit about the revenge child, takes revenge for her mother.
Her power comes from her desire to get vengeance. Revenge (perhaps a god like Nemesis? But I was thinking more along the lines of a primal force) picked her as her own, and she gained powers from that.
Does this answer all you questions? I'll go through the sub and clarify a couple of points at a later point. Go to Comment