This is a very strong idea and we can use this to discuss some basic and detail minded qualities of a good post. I suggest changing the structure of the first paragraph into a more active voice and will clear thesis sentence.
"The Teleportia Citadel is the last bastion of hope in a world over run by the living dead. It is a well designed, well placed fortress that was serendipitously built upon a natural focus mystical energy. It possess a superior defensive position adopt an isolated Mesa, and it has extensive underground caverns filled with facilities and materials."
Or something with more of a hook to it. Also who is writing this, is this a GM describing a gaming tool or do want to write from the perspective of one of your characters. Go to Comment
I agree with Dossta, it needs more, I think you can keep what you have but give us some imagery for the location. Also you need to have a perspective to your writing; who is writing this and why. If it is being written by GMs for GMs than that is fine, but you might accomplish more if you write from the perspective of a person in the game world. As it is now it just a collection of facts (about fiction no less) listed with out narrative or purpose.
I think this is extremely useable, as for the writing do me a favor and rewrite this one sentence
"The parasites were not intelligent beings that directly zombiefied their host to gain power for themselves, they just wanted to feast."
It breaks up the flow of what is otherwise a great submission imo. I love this cause it is flippant, absurd and funny. Krakens are people too....this would have fit so well into my last campaign. The simple, almost children's book type phrasing you use only adds to the tone. Seriously love this. Thanks. Go to Comment
The Vagueness doesn't bother me regarding the lost Chariot or all that, who knows maybe the gods do silly stuff like make a Chariot out of feathers, glass, air or balsa wood-but why is Ed such a jerk. Couldn't he make copies? Or did the gods intend for the information as to be only read once, like with the Book of Mormon.
Here is an idea, what if Ed didn't really find the letters, what if claims to have found the letters as means to give weight to his ideaology and personal mythos?
So what if the PCs are hired/ordered by the a Big Bad to find the letters, they aren't alone this is kind of like a Holy Grail Quest. All abled men and women of martial talent are ordered by the current power structure to quest for the letters. The PCs find Ed's letters after much trial only to learn that they are blank. Ed may have been a great wizard and scholar, but his career started with a lie. So what do they do? Do they keep questing for the original letters, even though they have no trail to follow, do they inform the world that Ed for all the great moral frame work and influence he was just a fake. The prophet spoke his own mind not the mind of the Gods...that could be a game changer. Or do the PC fake the letters themselves, and take on Ed's mantle.
PLEASE DON'T DELETE this, a lot of people, even veterans of this site delete posts that get poor scores. This hurts the site because it takes away from the dialog that grew from the post. It would be nice to make it more developing ideas than getting gold stars. Go to Comment
I have tried 1-11, 21, 22 and 28. But some version of 18 is generally my standard opening.
This a well put together list and I surprised somebody hasn't done this before. Many of them are in themselves plot or story lines which require that he GM directs the players background a little. You could make a game out of your problem, take a list of character concepts PCs might come up with
Violent, anal retentive and introverted Orcish Swordsman
The Aging Dwarven King looking to find forgiveness or redemption for all the wicked ambition of his youth.
A gnomish wizard who wants to gain a specific prestige class that requires a lot of money.
A brash and talkative young human cleric looking to spread his truth around
A smartass human thief who wants to develop combat her skills and is always looking for a fight
So the players pull these out of hat, now make them a party.....13, 21 and 24 would work, but how do you keep em together? Go to Comment
"Most of these use the "adventure finds you" premise, and are intended as a quick way to group the players together. The DM should use these intros to introduce a common objective or common enemy to the players that ties in with the rest of the campaign."
I think most groups that have been playing together for a while will make characters as group. But I am sure we have played a night or a couple of campaigns with "random" groups. And with random groups you often have people joining who to play a specific character or may have different vision of game play than the other people at the table. Some people would shy away from this or dismiss the unruly gamers as power gamers or failed actors, but what when I saw this post I saw it as a call to arms. Perhaps even the beginning of a manifesto, DOSSTA HAS SAID TO US THAT WE AS GMs NEED NOT TURN A PLAYER AWAY. WE SHOULD REJECT NO CHARACTER CONCEPT *that fits reasonably well into the mechanics and genre our specific game*
I don't see any trouble with these starts other than they may not be the right start for your campaign. But these are just starts, without the characters it may be hard to flesh out. Thus I again offer a challenge, a game if you will, we fill a hat with 60 character concepts and then we pick 5 and pick a "start" then we write an exposition that reasonably connects all the characters without significantly altering their backstory. Go to Comment
With the revolving door afterlife in many game worlds, this could used as a in game tool to "really" kill somebody. The threat of death by this device or the potential to use this device themselves could constantly be hanging over the PCs. It is nice brief description and purposely vague, i like that.
Also what if the people don't die, what if they end up at the base of another tower thousands or millions of miles away, only this tower is damaged and lies largely in ruins? Go to Comment
These types of comments really burn my toast. I am bothered when the critique focuses on how some aspect of the write up is unintuitive to the reader, and thus the reader labels it is unrealistic. I ask anyone who begins a comment with the line
“Any ruler would make laws against such magic”
or “mages, being naturally distrustful”
or “Couldn’t this be undone by a simple dispel magic incantation”
or any such line that adds new information as part the argument to consider three things.
First almost every write up on this site reflects a single moment in time. Even bad or unsustainable ideas have their day. Perhaps all the flaws you see in the item or system are valid. These are things that can be exploited by the PCs or suggests an instability which adds drama to the item.
Second, treat the write up as cannon. When you drop it into your own game, you can and will change things. If somebody says that Ogres are running into battle with giant scissors, then they are. Even if giant scissors are the least effective piece of military hardware since blue body paint, it is a “fact” in the universe of the post.
Three, I think suggesting new information to include in the use of the idea is fantastic. Expanding on the idea is also fantastic. But adding new information to justify criticism is banal and short sighted. So to state that “wizards and mages would”, is adding new information. It is making a conclusion about the nature of people in the world or the setting of the post. I enjoy posts more when, instead of trying to analyze the post in terms of my prejudices and experiences regarding speculative fiction, I try and glean information about the world in which this post exists.
Finally to authors about to respond to such comments; just remember that all cement is wet until it meets the PCs. So don’t get all up in arms about what the item or monster “actually does”. (though this main seem to contradict point two, I just speaking to the limitation of this medium) Focus on what you want it to do, and what it is you wanted to communicate. I feels odd to say this, but all that exists as far as the site is concerned, is the write up and linked write ups.
I was thinking more a prison colony type adventure, set up sort of us as follows.
The PCs know about the tower for a couple adventures, they relate to it directly or indirectly but they know about it. Even better if one of the big bads they best gets put in the tower. Then through some contrived means or another the PCs get put in the tower and BAM the light hits him. (You could even give them an hour to try escape and let them almost make it....or get caught afterwards if they do).
At any rate, after the light goes off they aren't dead but they in a far away land (perhaps a different plane or planet depending on the setting). They soon realize that all condemn get sent here, including their old rivals. There will likely be factions and communities on the other side of the tower and perhaps one group is close finding a way back to the PCs home realm. But the faction that is completing the return mechanism, is planning to do very bad stuff to the PCs home. There you have plenty of conflict for the PCs to deal with and lots of choices to make. Go to Comment
I think Pieh is right the shield is just one part of a larger story and maybe shouldn't be its own post. Unless you decided to tell that whole story from the shields point of view. As a resource it brings little and really isn't a McGuffin. It works only as part of a description of the which ever the heir might be employing it. Go to Comment