This one went dark quick, anti-union thought police, public murder, censorship.
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You convey a lot in a 100 words. Not the direction I would have gone with the setting or at least I think you could have done this with a more nuanced write up or had the discipline to develop this idea more. This could be the plot to a whole a novel. But you give put it out here in a 100 words and you have certainly put the setting in corner. Nice use of language.
A beautiful faired haired lady, maybe the king's daughter, maybe an impostor... but definitely the child of a dark prophesy inherits a kingdom and then starts raising the dead. There is also a move from the fair to the black, an important costume change when becoming evil. Just listing the facts she sounds like Smurfet in reverse
I agree with D.L.M. that this does sound more like a movie trailer and book jacket than most of the plot posts on the citadel. But as a barebones plot it is not a bad idea and I enjoyed the prose a lot. Some of these descriptions will stick with me for a long time, nice first post. If we view it as a preview piece (as DLM & I both agree it resembles) it makes me more excited about the things you will write in the future than using this in game.Go to Comment
This has the makings a great saturday morning cartoon show and toy line. Do they still have saturday morning cartoons and toy lines. I love this idea. I really really really wanted to love this write up. But this core concept has been done in almost every genre I can think of
Thriller: Maximum Overdrive,
Sitcom: My Mother The Car & Heat Vision and Jack (yeah they didn't last long)
War: Sgt. Rock and the Haunted Tank
Crime: Knight Rider
Post-apocolyptic sci-fi: Tankgirl
I am sure there are others...like Cars or Planes
So if you wanted to revisit the smart car idea, I assume you would want to have original take on it. Which essentially i think you do have here
"Powerful magicians bound these spirits into cages of iron and forged them into mighty blades and coats of steel. Excalibur. Galatine. Durandal....it is in a complex machine that the spirit truly shows its power"
That is a great first step toward doing something new with the smart super car idea.
But that is truly all you give us, that could be an idea seed, a hundred word. post. If you going to give us a whole post than develop the plots hooks or the specific eccentricity of your vision of the car. We already know all about these self motivated cars, whether or not they can fix themselves is story specific concern.
One suggestion for fleshing this post out (cause paragraphs 3-5 don't do anything for anybody) is to you write up seven ancient magical weapons as cars or vehicles in one or more of your plot hooks. You sell this an item write up, give us pretty chrome and comfy fluff for the item.
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Or you could just do a whole plot write up of British Partisans with super sports cars representing the ancient hero spirits England fighting nazi's in alternate history england. Because THAT. IS. AWESOME. a much better idea than James Bond Jr. or MASK.