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The Tale of Solomon Soulhammer Pt. II
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-08-07 12:46 PM
I like this one better than part one because we get some dialog and characters that make the piece more accessible and interesting. The language isn't as tight in this one, and the pacing is pretty uneven. Also the am I wrong or does the character of Ozur get introduced out of left field in a sentence that is already all over the place?

Overall though I like it Go to Comment
A Grave Problem
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 04:40 PM
This is a great post, remind me of the adventure seeds in the back of Blue paperback Expert D&D manual from 6th grade. I love open ended pieces like this.

A byte size piece of Internet RPG intellectual property. Go to Comment
The Tale of Solomon Soulhammer Pt. I
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-08-07 12:29 PM
"The problem with history is it is just one damn thing after another"

I like this piece a lot. I like the narrative voice, I like the use Balkan/Greco/roman locations and the story flows straight to action.

My only "complaint" is I wish the story was told with a few more pauses and a greater development of the setting and the character at this point in the story. But I only want more cause it is good. Go to Comment
Apocalyptic Vampires
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-16 09:46 PM
Huh? Intra-dimensional vampire cheerleaders of the apocalypse...is there a deeper metaphor here.... Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:18 PM
I think rather highly of this one.

Did you ever see Amos Perros, with the street urchin hit man with all the stray dogs? He was the best part of an overly ponderous movie about dogs.


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Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:38 PM
As stew on this one more, I grow more fond of it.

The idea of a cheap and effective assassin is so ripe with story telling potential. Imagine if while in a bad mood you run across this guy. For a coke and a bag of chips this guy will go kill the object of your aggression. But once you calm down, how do you take it back? He is homeless after all you can't just call him up or wait outside his house. Do you even take this homeless guy seriously when he says
"I will kill the guy the guys that took your parking space."?

The devil could not ask for better servant than one that empowers or lowest instincts.

Imagine if this guy had the power to off those that offended you on the internet?

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Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Artan Keybreaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:10 PM
Another wickedly cultured killer, a fun play on this trope of dastardly dangerous yet dapper would be to write a finishing school for killers. . .perhaps something french...then you could throw in a Pygmalion element in there and have of one of the trainers fall in love with a recruit once he/she transitions from feral killer to a wine sipping stylish slayer.*


As to this particular dwarven incarnation of the smooth criminal, I like the bits and pieces you have put together here. The superstitions (or are they?), pro-establishment justifications of his actions and the descriptions of his weapons (that peter pan trap dagger he has is really cool).

What is interesting is that your write up suggests he was raised in high society, but he dissliked by most of his kind. This would suggest that high dwarven society is very undwarven. You given us bit of the Continental fop archetype: soft hands, likes the arts, wine....etc. In gilded age america you could very well suggest that high society was unamerican in that it emulated european culture, but can you do the same for the dwarves. Where did the dwarves develop this foppish standard for their 400? Don't tell me rich dwarven heiress will be marrying titled but penniless Elves.






*Le Femme Nikita Go to Comment
Buluc, death priest of Rope Woman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:09 AM
A lot come through in this one, we learn that the Kanaarites have a fairly sophisticated culture in that their society supports Judges, historians, markets, socially acceptable honor suicides, and it is implied that there is great deal of personal privacy. The ala cart nature of the gods in this culture is again re-enforced. A ton of information


I guess the other members of the order are not priests, but what do they get of they get out of this religion? Do seem them as getting paid for these kills? Does the money get passed up to Buluc?

At any rate I got a lot out of these 500 words.

But perhaps you could write the order of the rope, history, theology, practices, cultural and then do one on Buluc where more of his personality and/or history. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 05:55 PM
There is a nice tight conveyance of information in the first paragraph. You describe a lot about the nature of the world’s magic and peoples relationship with it in the first paragraph.

In the second paragraph you could add one little tiny line about what makes Rye a talented murder.

“Rye had a strong stomach for the suffering of others and ability to completely suppress any feelings of hesitation or doubt when his own interests were on the line.”

Or

“Rye was the perfect combination of self loathing, confidence and empathy. He understood people, did not shy away from the difficult and didn’t feel that his own life or the lives of others was worth second thought. The high-risk world or professional killer seemed to be the perfect career choice to him.”
If you don’t want to take anything out don’t worry about it. You are already over 500 words and I would be interested to find out more about this character and how you envisioned him.

I really like the end, where he dies for love (his version of love), but comes back. The end kind of reminds me of that old morality problem about the adulterous woman murdered on the bridge. Who does Rye think of as his nemesis now? Is it the waitress that rebuffed him? Is it her husband that caused to rebuff him? Is it the party that caught him? Or the hangman that executed him?

You could have it set up where the risen Rye kills these people in turn. And the PCs have to deduce who it might be committing these murders…”that randy drunk with metal claws has returned”.

Having to deduce who it is will give the PCs more of a chance to use the backstory you have written. Because it would be ashame to have a whole character backstory, but all he is just a re-occurring combat encounter.
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Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 06:01 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 11:20 PM
I copied it into word before I read it. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:31 PM
Update: Instead of a picture I added stats. Used http://www.myth-weavers.com/ 3.5 character generator. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 03:53 PM
Ruffle feathers .... What is up with you and birds? Go to Comment
30 body parts for do-it-yourself Chimera
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-28 09:53 PM
12 year old me would have loved this list for hours, perhaps to the point of self injury.

Muro's is right if we put them in a table we could have all three options and perhaps we can put together a random generator.

nice work, interactive posts are fun, we could use more of them. Go to Comment
Skill Tabs
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-11 08:20 AM
"I know Kung Fu?"

There is something interesting with these tabs on a neuroscience level and then applied to the roleplaying. So to learn use these things Long-term tabs do they have to link that knowledge in with your existing memories? There are a number of cues that we get in order to recall how to do a task, such typing or driving. If many of the cues were shifted you might have a difficult time performing the task. (Try transcribing something via typing by typing in the air. Even if you never look at your screen while transcribing, you get a little disorientated. The same could be true for language or reading. You may know what a word means, but when you see the word out of context it may throw of confuse you for a moment.

Anyway HERE IS THE PITCH: what is the L-softs link the knowledge to seemingly unrelated material in your brain. So every time your roleplayer used his L-soft regarding automobile technology, he or she thinks of bacon, Everytime they use the L-soft to speak French they start to feel as if they are very late for something and get the sense that they have forgotten an appointment. You could not tell them about this connection at first, just remind the players as follows.

GM: Make a WITS roll.

Player: 37

GM: This room seems very familiar to you, it reminds you of training officer's house from your time back in the Corp. when you would visit her when her husband was away. Go to Comment
Skyhawk Faunareconnaissance Implant
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-11 07:15 AM
I have a story in which the main character controls his cattle through a device similar to the class 1 device. I just like the idea of dueling hackers trying to rustle cattle and sending the poor cows back and forth across the field. Go to Comment
STEM Packs
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-11 06:58 AM
I like them in-line, you could use a block quote or something

A solid version of the slap patch idea, you play so fast a loose with the immunology and that I wouldn't even bother.

Expansion IDEAS: ONLY USE THE DONKEY PATCH ONCE
If a human used an animal version the immediate effects would be the same assuming PHL-80 is not species specific. But there would be a slow burn with the body possibly rejecting the transplanted tissue of over a mater of weeks. So the damage would just be delayed.

Or the body may never reject that transplant tissue (I assume the immuno suppressants are locale-actually very doable, stems are local immuno suppressants), but the immune system is likely to get primed. That means if somebody gets exposed second exposure to the same animal antigens they will have a very strong response. This would likely be a Delayed Type Hypersensitivity response swelling and tissue destruction at the sight of exposure, but anaphylaxis would not be off the the Table (get it? Game table...bah). If there is enough inflammation and antigen presentation a person that has had a strong reaction to a patch may also develop an immune response to PHL-80. Which again may render the drug less effective, but could lead to anaphylaxis or if gave a large enough dose of PHL-80 and the anaphylaxis didn't kill you than kidney failure from all the antibody-PHL-80 complexes in your blood.

PLOT IDEA:
So if the cancers are the result of the designed stem cells than perhaps that cells would be designed with a back door cytopathic pathway. The cells may be designed to express receptor for a toxin that is not produced by humans, to have a gene response to some type of artificial hormone or be susceptible to a designed virus. The end result would be that all the daughter cells from these stem cells could be eliminated by being exposed to this substance. In the real world such a back door would be a good idea (I am going to pitch today to my stem cell buddies). In the world of crazy super villains this could be a problem because they could design weapon that would cause everyones STEM PACK tissue to suddenly die. Go to Comment
The Return of the White Deer- Chapter 14
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-12 10:06 PM


I have no tangible advice on how to write a novel, and I think, empirically ,it has been proven I have no taste so I can't speak to whether or not the events in this chapter are relevant or whether or not the introduction of new character is important. However, the introduction of a new character every thousand words or so seems to put a very frantic pace on things.



Over all though, after the first paragraph, i found this chapter to be clear, direct, and well told. We get an idea for the customs and we get an idea for the these other two new antagonist characters. I got the sense thesere characters were conniving, prideful, and a little ruthless. Is that what you were shooting for?



I found the first paragraph of this one confusing. Where everybody was in relation to events and scenery was not always clear and the timing of things also seemed difficult to follow.



It is also a little off putting when the main character is getting bored with things. I found things pretty interesting until Botari gets bored and drifts off. If you want to communicate her disinterest in things perhaps she could be a little rye or critical of the event rather than bored. Also it is not always clear how much she is really day dreaming in these scenes. Is she having really long periods of inward reflection? How can we be interested in what is going of if even the main character is not interested?



At any rate, why do you want Temjun to win a wrestling match. We already know he is a winner, he is Gengis Kahn, Botari already knows he is a winner. Is there something else you are trying to show us about him or his opponents?

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