I enjoyed this, and admire (if that is worth anything to ya) the composition. We get a little history, a little geography, a little ethnography and few overviews of notable characters. I also like how the links were employed. Go to Comment
I saw this on random and thought this would be really useful if in a whitewolf or shadowrun game you needed to grab a fire department cause your PCs decided they needed to get involved with one right away. It has the nice mix of subplots and blunt simplicity that make it accessable to most. While not a major creative effort it is well put together and handy.
So I am glad you posted it and I enjoyed reading it. Go to Comment
This strikes me as awfully railroady for a plot and anti-climatic. The death horse are a prime example of putting your characters on rails.
The plot is anti-climatic in that the player characters don't achieve the goal as much as they deliever a message to somebody who achieves the goal. I think many players would find this resolution unsatisfying. This would be particularly true if the PCs had a rough encounter with the prospectors early on, and are hoping to get a bit of payback or at least to be the instruments of justice. The fairy tale tone is different and interesting, and it is a very complete write up. I think the conflicts within this plot line need to be developed so that the players are more directly resolved in the resolution of the conflicts. Go to Comment
I like it. Why not have a Tar Golem or an Asphalt Golem if you are going to have Golem? I also like the suggestion that these Golems were used to transport raw materials. "Why move the mountain when you get the mountain (or the tar) to come to you?" The write up isn't witty or entertaining, and perhaps that is why some didn't take to it. But it is a clear write up and it gets to the point. I may use this someday. Nicely done and thanks. Go to Comment
I gave them the first three rooms. The first challenge was resolved with some difficulty because one character could not easily answer the question (a nice roleplaying moment though)-"what does she want?". This lead to a brief fractioning of the party.
The second room went just as you had layed out and went over well.
The third room, I changed the walls of the maze to be "undead" walls made from stone and corpses. The walls would attack anyone who got within their reach...it fit the undead theme of this tower better. But the shifting maze confused half the party for a good ten minutes. When you ran this did you show them the maps or just describe the surroundings? Some of the PCs had a hard to time visualizing the quickly shifting enviornment, how did you handle the mechanics of this? The shift walls also split the party again. The one half the party used a run, scout and shout method which worked well until they encountered the minotaurs. The other half the party moved as close to the ladder as possible each time and then waited for shifts. One character tried to climb the walls. Climbing the walls didn't work but both of the other methods allowed the PCs to work the maze out. I used a grid system to keeps track of the PCs between map. Go to Comment
Edit: In the briefing "employer" does not wish to be named, not employee.
A little better organization would really improve on what is already an exceptional post. Detailing the plan (aka waypoints) that you have in mind the for the PCs would make it an easier read.
Also are the PC undercover or are they burglars? They seem to be a little bit of both in different scenes. You suggest they may have to avoid cameras and such when the train breaks down, but the Keepers take them junior guardians.
Finally the last room. Does the Liberty command not know the Mimints took the station, and do they not know about the prototype room? Do they not care?
I like the mission and the background a lot, and this sub deserves a high score. But the plot could use some fleshing out, and you seem to detail a lot of the red-herrings more than the major action points. Go to Comment