You just made exactly my point yet you say it is not chronological issue-are you just making fun of me? GIving me a hard time?. ;)
You write an "as begins to lose stability", thus you are describing a process a start and finish and how his perception will change on the journey. That is what chronology is referring to, it is not referring to specific dates but the journey the character is on. Relative, Chronology, or the passage of time, or the journey of the character..whatever you want to call it is exactly what your talking about when you write stuff like "fall further and further into the darkness". I really like every piece of this and I like what you doing with. I respect you so much for doing it as writer. This work/sub is not a case of a fanboy listing cool "facts" or neat one liners. But you are telling story, a story I am interested in and now invested in.
I am just trying to suggest one or two little things that think could make it a lot clearer. I could gleen this from the post, that divinity was written in different state of mind than summoning. But the state of the character's mind was not clearly communicated cause it was written in past tense and without defined breaks in the action we must assume it was all written at once. This view of one writing was particularly enforced by the retro-spective foreshadowing in the first section. "What he didn't know is how far I would be willing to go to gain this information. " The reader should be given a tool by the narrator to separate the different vignettes contextually or at have reason to keep them separate not to try and unify the perspective.Go to Comment
"Elizabeth, 3, blood loss from removed limbs."
That is a little graphic no? Nobody says s**t about this but people get all huffy if you type f**k. Darn backward moral code if you asked me.
Overall this reminds of the anti-batman character from the comic Nemesis (thanks A.B.) and of course the character from Se7en (with the single finger print and all).
As to Adam Smith, I like this version of him and his blood thirsty capital_crimes_list. Get it Adam Smith wrote "The wealth of nations" and this Adam Smith made a lot of deposits in the blood bank.....no?....bah
Again like the others I would like to know more, write now it is all flair and no depth.Go to Comment