First I glad you got and liked the thing about owning her soul as being a positive. I ran this whole Parna campaign for years and the whole world was based on two phrases from one my friends, "What if were like outlaws, and the campaign was more Robinhood than Conan." Anyway, as the campaign went on the PCs became more and more pro-establishment. They always seemed really comfortable with the God's owning their souls and using them as betting tokens. I glad somebody finally got what I was trying to say and thought it was interesting.
As for the human truisms, this one was meant to be an information dump, it was attempt to experiment with different ways of presenting information about RPG worlds aside from listing facts in the GM voice.
But I feel you about tone pulling out of the story, as re-read this so many things seem misplaced, I never liked the rythem of the dialog between the two, and the tone seems uneven (was shooting for the bitter sweetness of leaving home and growing up).
Dossta was right the Kii character needs more a stream to her.
But when you talk about the difference between the spoken and written word, are you talking about the Goddess's pontification about Holy Books or are you taking about the characters' dialog? Go to Comment
It is a little confusing, so I get under the covers and I transported back to known place, while a stone avatar in my shape stays under the cover. During this time, I can get up walk around and everything else as long as I am back in the stone bed after eight hours. If I don't get back into the bed before 8 hours I am turned into a small figurine?
What if somebody pulls off the covers?
The idea of stone avatars being place holder for "real" dwarves is an interesting one, and I think more interesting than the concept of the bed.
1) A cluster of statues is delivered to the urban estate of the lord, all the carved dwarves are armored and armed but appear a sleep. The lord is please for believes the statues represent his success in subjugating the dwarven lands, but then 4 hours, the statues pop up and the estate is occupied by dwarven separatists.
2) Perhaps a disturbed dwarven task master wanted to figure out a way for his men to work while they slept and thus he invented dwarven beds. Dwarves thought they were going to sleep only to walk up outside a mine shaft. "Alrighty lads, your protections are doing the resting, and you can do the digging" Go to Comment
Another interesting approach to this may have been to frame it around the day to life of dwavers, because much it already appears that way. If you want to tackle dwarven culture and values in list this is nice effort, I hope to use some them in future posts-give us a shared dwarven thread. Go to Comment
This strikes me as fairly complete post (not much wanting for content here), written with a consistent tone and flippant style that is fun to read. We don't learn much about Tornfurry's other side, or if he has one, but I am thinking this is more about the rage than the man. Go to Comment
I think this is great, we get a story and a location, well done. Thank you for writing this. I wish more subs took this tact towards locations or character, rather than just listing "facts". I feel inspired to do more in this tone, I hope you just raised the bar. I feel bad that I don't have a lot to say about it, but I really wouldn't change much, the story sticks to a tone, we learn a lot about the main character (mostly by what he choses to say and not say), and we get a whole encounter. These are the details you want in a setting. Plus you could take this whole piece and use it as a hand out. Go to Comment
Ceasar I agree with your sentiment regarding this place completely, most writing for role-playing games doesn't have a narrative, but is piece of a narrative and the story of a character could certainly use a peaceful island. You we only have some many temples of doom. But you could add a few things that might focus on character interaction with setting a bit, for example what is the weather like. are their latent conflicts between the natives and the conquerors, who is the King and from who is he descended. If I visit the island what should I use for money, where should I stay, will I be able to stable a horse and then there are visuals. We don't have many. I am not saying you need all of this but I suggest you a pick a direct goal for what this piece is trying to communicate. Here some options to consider
Is this piece for strangers who have never visited the island, perhaps you could do it as a travel log entry, (steal the format from one the lonely planet books and go with that).
If this is a meta-piece for GMs then give the GMs a few sample scenes or something least they pull this location out their binder and watch the players eyes glaze over when you list off continuing fractions and imports. Obviously a GM will have to make up somethings, but you can fill a lot of gaps with suggestions of depth.
Is this piece designed to give you world some cultural vocabulary as you suggested, could this be where a character is from or place the characters have heard off. If that is the goal, what is the cultural baggage that they carry by being raised here. Obviously the will instinctively view water as more valuable then other players and they might in their heart the beach is always just right over that next rise, but that could be any island nation. What are Sanguisinites like how does their independant, stubborn, and resilient nature manifest in day to day life on the islands?
Culturally it is dwarven, it speaks to dwarven values and behavior no? But the action is necromantic. Such is the divide between the two topics that we discussed earlier. LIke if we had a French guild and Architectural Guild, the french guild would be more culture, history and events and the Architectural Guild would be stories and items associated with the task associated with designing buildings.
Necromancy really isn't an idiom as dwarfishness will be when we are through with it. I would love to read counter arguments. Go to Comment
This is horribly horribly good, each once could-should be a short story. In fact if you hadn't been published, i would suggest expanding on this, a collection of short stories about you ten dragons. You are wasting this on this site. You cover, sci-fi, steam punk, modern fantasy, crime fiction, classic high fantasy and so on. Really I think you could do a lot with this, i would buy the book, and if I was publisher I would commission this based on the this treatment. Thank you for writing this. Seriously talk to illustrator this would make a great comic as well.
I dig the Zepplin, and the pawnshop based on their literal use of dragons and scenery. The last three, really change tones, you move away form the giant powerful magical beasts and into other realizations of the dragon mythos. Damn you this is good, I would join the dragon guild but I am not sure I could keep up. Go to Comment