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Treatise on Necromancy
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-25 09:33 PM
I would combine the first two paragraphs such as this…..

My Lord sent me over all others because of my “infallible nature”, I presume he meant it when he said it, and to his credit I do not suffer the fallacy of over confidence. I am a man with a large mind for knowledge but a fallible man. The task which he lay before me, was track down and bring to light the Cult of the Harvest. He knew I would track down and discover their nature and motivations. What he didn't know is how far I would be willing to go to gain this information. We knew that they were a particularly wicked and vile group of individuals that have claimed to have give their souls over to some Evil force in exchange for knowledge and power. Something I found ridiculous and not at all improbable at the same time.


My Lord sent me over all others because of my “infallible nature”, I presume he meant it when he said it, and to his credit I do not suffer the fallacy of over confidence. I am a man with a large mind for knowledge but a fallible man. The task which he lay before me, was track down and bring to light the Cult of the Harvest. He knew I would track down and discover their nature and motivations. What he didn't know is how far I would be willing to go to gain this information. We knew that they were a particularly wicked and vile group of individuals that have claimed to have give their souls over to some Evil force in exchange for knowledge and power. Something I found ridiculous and not at all improbable at the same time.
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Treatise on Necromancy
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-25 09:33 PM



 


Why don't colored fonts work


 

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Treatise on Necromancy
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-25 11:26 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Treatise on Necromancy
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-26 07:50 AM

You just made exactly my point yet you say it is not chronological issue-are you just making fun of me? GIving me a hard time?. ;)


You write an "as begins to lose stability", thus you are describing a process a start and finish and how his perception will change on the journey. That is what chronology is referring to, it is not referring to specific dates but the journey the character is on. Relative, Chronology, or the passage of time, or the journey of the character..whatever you want to call it is exactly what your talking about when you write stuff like "fall further and further into the darkness". I really like every piece of this and I like what you doing with. I respect you so much for doing it as writer. This work/sub is not a case of a fanboy listing cool "facts" or neat one liners. But you are telling story, a story I am interested in and now invested in.


 


I am just trying to suggest one or two little things that think could make it a lot clearer. I could gleen this from the post, that divinity was written in different state of mind than summoning. But the state of the character's mind was not clearly communicated cause it was written in past tense and without defined breaks in the action we must assume it was all written at once. This view of one writing was particularly enforced by the retro-spective foreshadowing in the first section. "What he didn't know is how far I would be willing to go to gain this information. " The reader should be given a tool by the narrator to separate the different vignettes contextually or at have reason to keep them separate not to try and unify the perspective.

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Treatise on Necromancy
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-04 05:37 AM
you are right, I am sorry about that, once I saw that the text came out all one color I should discarded it. I will take care of it soon Go to Comment
Four Forges: A simple board game played by Dwarves
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 12:28 PM
Four Forges: A simple board game played by Dwarves
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 11:17 PM
CAN NOT GET THOSE SAMPLE BOARDS TO BE ANY SMALLER! Go to Comment
Four Forges: A simple board game played by Dwarves
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-20 10:01 AM
Update: Funny you should HoH this today cause we play finally play tested this at board game gathering using risk pieces as stones and a board drawn on a wet erase grid map. It was ok, but after just one game we decided to add mining. Mining keeps a player from being isolated early in the game. We also found that it does not matter much if players start with 6 types of each stones or just a random 18 stone. The key to the game is table talk and horse trading. Go to Comment
Four Forges: A simple board game played by Dwarves
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-20 10:49 AM
just played with mining, it makes the game awful don't bother with mining Go to Comment
Bacon the Dog
NPCs  (Minor)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 01:44 PM
nicely done Go to Comment
Chalopin-Barkin Industries of Mars
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 03:52 PM
First and foremost, I enjoy and respect the world you paint it is a damn shame you don't have a visual artist to work with you.

I read this with the goal of learning more about extra-terrestrial life, economics and culture in the cosmic era. I got some of that.

It also have a nice tone resulting from the author's editorializing and the choice of facts shared. The tone paints the martians as the more sympathetic and admirable group compared to the " soft handed men who complain about a hard day pressing computer buttons"....at least to my antebellum Southern 'merican sensibilities.

But I found this a little dry (please don't hate me) because it is a largely in-personal and heavy handed list of facts. But I think that is a problem endemic to write ups retro-fitted to toys when you don't have the toys. As it is I would like more Martian stories and less vehicle descriptions. From the meat of prose is the human and dramatic aspects of the conflicts. Those are the juicy details, not the speed of a G22. To be fair though I acknowledge that preference for people and stories over hardware and conclusions is my bias.

So what do you need here if not a real story? You need in game stats.

Battletech as I understand it, was started when somebody decided it would be fun (or profitable) to play a board game with models of robots popular in Japanesse TV at the time. So I recall reading that they hired M. Stackpole to write up a board game and a back story to use these minis which were based on Japan's popular animation at the time. So even if Stackpole's or J. Michael Straczynski's story was dry you still had the toys. Those little bio-blurbs on the back of your G.I. Joe and Transformer blister packs would be far less interesting if we didn't have the toys. To a role-player or wargammer Stats can be toys, perhaps it is time to start STATing up the Cosmic Era. That way we could to play out scenario's such as one lone private eye way out of his element jumping on to the controls of a standard G99 to try and fight off a score of Skeletrons (or are they Skeletors) Go to Comment
Riddlerock
Articles  (Area)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 12:56 PM
A nice a high fantasy encounter, will put together with a of places to branch from Go to Comment
Generating Fear: Darkness
Articles  (At Table)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-21 08:39 PM
"The ____ is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No ____ has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale." Go to Comment
Yethamerands Stonecloak
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-12 07:05 AM
simple useful and well thought out (as far as I can tell). I like it. Go to Comment
Yethamerand
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-08 06:51 PM
This feels like an epic idea given the stub treatment. Go to Comment
Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-21 08:53 PM

"Elizabeth, 3, blood loss from removed limbs."


That is a little graphic no? Nobody says s**t about this but people get all huffy if you type f**k. Darn backward moral code if you asked me.


Overall this reminds of the anti-batman character from the comic Nemesis (thanks A.B.) and of course the character from Se7en (with the single finger print and all).


As to Adam Smith, I like this version of him and his blood thirsty capital_crimes_list. Get it Adam Smith wrote "The wealth of nations" and this Adam Smith made a lot of deposits in the blood bank.....no?....bah


Again like the others I would like to know more, write now it is all flair and no depth.

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Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-22 10:09 AM
no hurry the citadel will wait
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Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-22 01:25 PM
Here is a question: Some villains and heros, are more effective and more interesting if you don't know their backstory. Kevin Spacey's character from Se7en, the Jackel (as not represented by Bruce Willis), or the Joker as seen in the latest Batman movies.
The lack of a back story for Smith may make him all the more terrifying, but does the GM need to know his backstory to run him effectively?

When you want to run a soulless unattached deviant with no real connection to the world save a desire to hurt, it what more can you say about him. Perhaps it is all style?

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Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-22 02:58 PM

Tragedy Plus Time:


Adam Smith escapes from prison and travels to new town and starts up his murderous spree again. Little does Adam Smith expect that he will finally meet his match, the world’s most incompetent police force and unmotivated journalistic community. Try as Adam Smith might to stake out (literally he put a stake into somebody) a reputation and inspire fear in people he just can’t get these badge totting morons to connect even the most obvious dots. Murders go unnoticed or misunderstood. The local PETA president eaten by rescue kittens was never discovered. The couple buried alive under a ton coal was declared an accident, the detailed calling card describing how he killed a local vicar with a high pressure liquid nitrogen enema was declared a suicide note, and the investigation of the man tricked into to eating ball bearings before the MRI was derailed by poor paper work and a mix up at the morgue. They dismissed that calling card as a prank cause autopsy ruled it a hearth attack. Just last week Adam Smith went to the police station to inquire about the how the investigation into that “terrible trebuchet and sewing needle related death” was going and the duty sergeant paused from her texting long enough to point at the chalk board listing open cases. His latest masterpiece was beneath “tire fire”.


Truly, Adam Smith was put out. He could move to new town, but then what about all the work he put into this mid-size town. He would just have to play both sides. So Mr. Smith goes to hire the some professionals. The PCs are brought in to town with the promise of money and the goal of getting these investigations back on track. Then the "action" starts.


1) The PCs have to wrestle the case away from the momentum of incompetence that currently holds them.


2) Another elaborate murder occurs (sort of) but even the PCs will find convincing evidence that this was an accident, all be it, a freakish one. There is the absence of the dragon card, which their employer insists would be there. The hitch is that local minister and his friend the town’s largest landowner, both ex-spies or cops, have been working to cover up the murders. a. Minister “This would just ruin the town, a few accidents we can handle but serial killer…no thank you…they never make you look good.” b. Land Owner: “Best just to ignore these types, they will move along or die, at least he doesn’t do it on the street. ”


3) Smith starts cracking up, he is practically confessing to crimes, finding evidence and insisting that crime scenes have been tampered with. The PCs will no doubt be putting things together. If they do “catch” Smith I can imagine the confrontation going something like this.


Smith-“Hello, my friends, I suppose this isn’t really what you expected is it.”


PC 1- “Well….uh…you kind of told us where to look for stuff”


PC 2- “Wait, are we still getting paid?”


Smith-“I think a certain payment will be delivered, perhaps not what you expected, but a man can only do so much from jail. Of course I have been know to plan ahead as Judge Rudolph would attest”


PC 1- “Who?”


PC 3- “Listen bud we work for you, no reason to send you up the river”


PC 2- “I forget did he pay us”


Smith-sipping his brandy, “I suppose you will want toknow how the undertaker’s fingers ended up in the boot of that volkswagon.”


All PCs- “Nah”


PC 3- “You said there would be a reward if we got the guy, is that still tr-”


PC 4 I shoot Smith in the head


GM-wait you don’t know how the fish monger ended up glued to the wrecking ball


PC4-Head. * rattle * SWEET a crit!

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Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-22 03:03 PM
this has grown on me Go to Comment
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