I was asked to revisit my original post by Pieh and vote on the rewrite.
Do they have stingers?
The physical description of these things is much better, but many of the sentences are clumsy.
"Their heads are shaped like that of a goat and are covered in short gray or black fur, but mounted above its fanged mouth are two red bug-like eyes." is an example of such a sentence.
Also much of the discussion here is about this cult and their use for them. We have no idea how these thing originated, what particular agenda they may have or what an encounter with them would be like. I think describing an encounter with these would be the most useful way to expand upon them. It would allow the reader to get a 1st (or at least a more personal) look at the terror these things invoke, it would give the gamer a template for the use of these things in game play, and would give an overall picture of these things. Right now there is no overall picture, we just have a list of facts.
What is this post really about, the cult, the blood maddness or the goat-wasps? Go to Comment
Paladin: "Now all we need to complete the ritual is to place the Holy Gem of Catheela back in the arms of the earth mother and the thousand lost souls of my order will finally rest. Troupe, please hand me the gem."
Bard: *shuffles through bag* "Right away sire"
Paladin: "Troupe! Give me the gem! The souls of my anguished companions call to me"
Bard: "I swear I put it in here last week, while you were praying for the basilisk's soul and the Wizard was skinning it."
Wizard: "Where did you get that sack?"
Bard: "I found it in the Catacombs of the Damned" *a round of sighs and groans from party* "...in the crypt of Jancinthia. But it held all my stuff and only weighed 5lbs!"
Wizard: "You witless fool!!"
Paladin:"For the love of all that is holy will my brothers ever rest?!?!"
I dropped this into a game last night. The only major change I made from you set up, is I made the creatures beatable, but with much difficulty and instead of taking an hour to reappear to they reformed instantly. I also added a second slate, blank, across the room from the slate with monsters. The slate room was a central room between two identical but inverse hallways. When they drew on the blank slate the object they drew appeared in the empty room.
The first thought of the PCs was to smash the slate (actually they were divided), but the smashers won out. They put a great deal of effort into smashing the slate. (They didn't want to damage weapons or touch it directly so they devised a battering ram using material from other parts of the dungeon. When this didn't work they finally got around to experimenting with drawing. They started with the blank slate. First holy symbols, which didn't work, then they just put the monsters in large boxes.
They choose that solution, as opposed to road runner type traps or chalk allies, because I made defeating the monsters in combat ineffective. I knew the nature of my group and they needed to see those thing reappear to be certain of the magical nature. One reason they needed this "proof" was that my casters didn't prepare any divination spells.
I think it worked well, I used your picture which was well received, and I used your basic set up of the room. I found that my PCs were more willing to experiment with drawing on the blank slate I provided, but they may be just because it was there.
Much of the fantasy setting has been folded into the sensibilities that come with sci-fi and wargaming. For example if you steal the belt from a Frost giant, and it grants you giant strength does that mean that the Frost Giant was actually weak? Does that mean that the Frost giant you stole it from actually had double a "normal giant's" strength? Well in the mytho-historical fantasy setting those question won't matter. In a modern fantasy setting lets call it speculative-literary, things have a more defined nature and the laws of that nature is finite. So I am okay with this face just being a giant that fell asleep who occasionally chats with people.
That said, this is cute but not really useful or interesting. Maybe as part of a larger forest or something like that. Go to Comment
"Actually I do know what a firth is, but I bet very few other people do."
I want you imagine yourself in a high school gym class. Now place your hands on your hips, raise your chin slightly, close your eyes and say aloud the line above. Now try and view that scene from outside yourself and ask yourself if vanity or smugness enter in the equation.
As for the Dark Arts thing when it comes to magic, I purposefully tried to not to get into that when it comes to mages. (dislike the dark-mage light-mage distinction) I do say their are dark Clerics and that magic has been made illegal in several of the newer kingdoms. I did want communicate that this place is associated with religions that the expectant reader, the PC, would find unpleasent. Which I take it you didn't get in the post, but I just wanted to imply it so not to make things too narrow.
I think to expand on this piece in the way that you would like I would have to write another section (in a different tone). The sub above is modeled after a travel guide and I had hoped it would suggest that this is just one of many entries. Not that I intended to write more entries, this was just a tact I took for this particular location and I rather enjoyed writing it with the "be warned but see for yourself attitude" for a prospective visitor.
As to defending the merits of the sub. I am not, because I think it is fine as it as. If I seem defensive it because I am dissappointed. You are the harshest and most vocal critic on the board and score boosting vote from you would have meant the most to me (as much as a message board score can mean), I am a little dissappointed with myself for writing something you found unexciting and incomplete. The unfortunate thing is I wouldn't have written this particular post much differently in an effort to please you, and thus the sum result is just a negative response from Moonhunter. Like if you take your friends (friend in the grade school since) to see Krull cause you really like it and they say it is average or bad. You may still like Krull afterwards, but sharing it with them wasn't enjoyable. Go to Comment