Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Adam Smith
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 06:16 PM

If I play basketball and D&D then my motivation may be the same, I enjoy it or find it rewarding. But what I find rewarding about the two is very different in some respects and overlapping in others. Enjoyment is the conclusion or cumulative response to experince, but stating that I enjoy it does nothing to detail my motivation behind it. "he enjoys it" is no answer at all

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Military Hover Bike
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-19 08:15 AM
this is always my question with hover bikes, what is the flight ceiling, if I ride my hover bike off a cliff how far does it fall. Is the anti-gravity unit or in this case " main hover unit" sufficient to over come the momentum of the fall? Would it overcome the force of the fall gradually or just stop 1 meter above earth and leave the poor flesh of its rider to deal with the rest of its momentum. Is it really an anti-grave unit, is it a vertical thrust system or magnetic repulsion system? You mention that weight does matter, so is that because of the force of engine. If you are going to re-write the speeder bike and go into all the details of handling, motion predicting, sliding (thus inertia), the little fans that move it forward and how hard they are to use you may as well go all in.
If you are taking the "I a writer first attitude" and all these technical details are unimportant, than what are we supposed to take away from this in the narrative, emotional sense or cultural relm? Instead you focus on the technical and logistical details, no less creative than the more left brain items imo, but not complete in this version either.

Overall I think the super-cool sci-fi motorcycle is a fun idea that could stand a few retreds before it gets old. But for your cosmic era I think this could have been 100 words.

If you don't want the milk why do you keep posting on the cow?! or something like that Go to Comment
Military Hover Bike
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-19 08:15 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Takamoto's Dogs
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-16 02:25 PM
the details about the world, company names-bits psuedo-history, add a sense of flair and style which I like, hinting at the much larger world. But it barely scratches the surface of its subject. Could you have done this in 100 words? If you wanted to do approach this a piece of creative writing, as opposed to a served up idea to contribute to other peoples creative efforts, could you have placed some narrative structure to it? Or perhaps presented a thesis and then presented the arguments for an against it?

On a sillier note: your only examples were scooby and astro, seriously? You left James Thurber and Jack London off the table? Even in the realm of speculative fiction, you belittle us all to think that Scooby or Astro would be the only frame of reference suitable to the Citadel.

here are three others

http://escapepod.org/2008/08/01/ep169-how-i-mounted-goldie-saved-my-partner-lori-and-sniffed-out-the-peoples-justice/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072730/

Our even the futurama episode with the smart monkey.
http://www.tv.com/shows/futurama/mars-university-1544/


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Takamoto's Dogs
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-17 06:40 PM
Is there such a thing as too little Taco Bell?
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Tracker Bush
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-18 08:52 AM
A nice enough treatment of magical flora, and I am fan of anything that adds dimension and player interaction to walking through the woods. I get the feeling you were on the fence about how much detail you wanted to add to this one. But the basic idea is sound and useful. Go to Comment
The Archandroid
NPCs  (Major)   (Technical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-19 07:17 AM
How does true surrogacy differ from remote control?

How large can make head of android before it became unacceptable and unhuman looking? You dedicate a good portion of this post to discussing the size limitations of human frame versus the massive amount of hardware your supercomputers need? Would you say that androids in your world have strong size limitations or standard head and body sizes that are dictated by the needs of their hardware? To put it another way, if I ran a fitted hat shop, could I sell “android” size and save the time of measuring the skulls of artificial baseball fans? We would of course have to design a special fit for the Lobot androids with their Exo-skulls? I don’t why the can’t just carry the brain with them in more fashionable bag or less fashionable fanny pack. Do you envision a used android salesmen gluing old computer parts on the heads of androids to make their Brain look bigger?

Does you supercomputer run all data through single consciousness , or does it write programs that make decisions and choices without consulting the central consciousness? For example in the way that our hearts, lungs and stomachs may act without consciousness input form us. If not does android brain share in all this processing?
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Yothats
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-11 09:33 AM
Anthropormorphic cat people who keep dim witted large breasted lactating women caged up….

Jonathan Swift style social commentary or Furry Fantasy? More over what would the gals and Dungeons and Diva’s have to say about this?

http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/dungeons-and-divas/Content?oid=1536154

I will vote and comment more later when I have time, cause this a gold mine.
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Yothats
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-11 11:38 PM
I like this one. As a concept: a race of tall humoniod beings that treats us human as live stock is old school satire. There are numerous examples of this through out literature, and many of them lacked specific details because they were more focused on ramming a lot messages down your throat. I think though the message, about what is life and intelligence will inevitably forces a bit a self-assessment even if presented in an absurd of humorous fashion. In the case of the Yohats, the fact that they are humanoid and their society resembles human society with the bankers and craftsmen makes the "inhumanity" of their actions all the more striking. Because this seems like satire I don't think it is important to iron out the economic details of these cultures. I think that the goal of this piece is to draw out a response in the readers/gamers by forcing them to a) witness human suffering b) view a society which parallels their own but is also offensive to the human's values.  The crass disgusting nature of this one, where they keep women in pits and milk them just add to the striking and "provocative" nature of the piece. I don't think this idea needs to deal with all the details: how much milk do they drink and so on. In "The Time Machine" the Morlock's economy struck me as really unsustainable.  Yet audiences were able to accept the concept enough that the Morlocks made it into two movies and a musical (three movies if you count Ransom). The twilight zone episode that dealt with this exact same subject one was really just dark comedy  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne5eP0OAsTs ).  The message and purpose of this piece is clear and it is effective.  It strikes me as banal to harp on whether Yohat society would be sustainable.

  One thing that nags me about this is the lack of perspective in the write up. Who is writing this, if it is a GM writing for other GMs you should share with us some of you thought processes. You chose a society that was small and isolated why? If the write up is done from the game world perspective you should drop the comparison's to the olympics and other Earth bound facts. If you are going to take third person perspective, than you should make it a description of things and not series of statements. Example
"Yothats will never fight a battle inside a village. If they did, then all the tribes would gang together against the perpetrating tribe."

If they never done it, how do we know it will happen? We know it because you are the writer and you say it will happen. We may be able to intuit your meaning or extrapolate information about the society form these statements, but you have cut out of a lot of the process by just giving us statements. A statement is not something another writer or a GM could access as easily.

You could try something,
"Combat among Yohat's is dictated by strong mores and taboos. Combat never occurs within the villages or one worked land. Yohats that have suggested a course of action that could cause collateral damage or disrupt day to day life have been quickly corrected or shunned."
In this way your discussion become more about values that result in the behavior and not the behavior itself. By describing the values or the pieces that help build the conclusion you have reached, I believe, gives the reader more to work with
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How to Kill Painfully: A Compendium of Ancient Executions
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-09 07:51 PM
If you guys are going to spew out facts you should reference things.

But I think an article like this which describes DMing techinques and give direction which would be more influential and carry more weight if it was laced with some vignettes regarding how this stuff worked in game play. How the players responded to specific details and so on. More importantly describe what didn't work. As I see it you giving Martha Stewartesque advice here, how to be good GM. M.S. often give specific examples of parties and events which has either hosted or which her friends have hosted.

If you want to discuss torture and execution as a stand alone topic perhaps you could discuss what those excution said about the values of the people carrying them out.

But overall 10 historically gruesome forms of execution isn't a bad list.
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Seibertronians
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-08 08:08 PM
or spell seibertron with a C Go to Comment
Seibertronians
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-11 09:31 PM
Do you think in the cosmic era the Seibertronians hold sensitivity forum where they say stuff like "I am not a Transformer, I am not a Terminator, I am not a computer, or Soong Android but I AM A PERSON DAMN IT!!!" Go to Comment
CIC Cryodetention Center 19
Locations  (Fortification)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-09 08:58 PM


This is well done, a nice read with a constant tone that suggests an informative handout. I like the asides that suggests things about the culture of the prison's work force.


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_USC-UWiw_Bk/TEW07ili8uI/AAAAAAAAFN0/X-1cBAKyRfw/s1600/Sylvester-Stallone-Demolition-Man_2.jpg Go to Comment
Settings of the Cosmic Era
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-12 04:22 PM
This fantasticly excuted a world view of the creative mind at work. I love the setting visual, theme mood, format. Go to Comment
Catbooks
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-08 06:35 PM
This is perfect. You had an idea that is novel as far I know: cat book, you wrote a character of minor depth and sympathy (the cat book lady), you gave a slde long view of a society and a world....really really perfect. Go to Comment
Holoke Carter
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-06 05:30 PM
Of all things of yours that I have a read and remember reading this may be the best them. I like how you left certain things unsaid, the fact that her adult life is centered around revenge fantasies focused on her mother. The arc of her snake formation also follows a story of the coping mechanisms associated with emotional abuse. There are also some dark and disturbing tagents in this, that speak very little to the story of the piece (and there is a nice story) but tell us much about the character.

I think you could tighten up a few points (but again minor stuff sir), for example during her first transformation you don't need to tell us she is rattlesnake in the last line. That banal conclusion takes away from an effective and visual paragraph.

Thank you sir, Go to Comment
Holoke Carter
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-06 07:04 PM
already read it three times today Go to Comment
Holoke Carter
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-08 10:53 PM
Soul Gazing
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-09 09:54 PM
a nice at bat! Go to Comment
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