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Online Roleplaying
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-05-31 06:00 AM
Wow, stolen and not well is the wounded warrior Dionysus, Kimberly Shay? Has somebody emailed Kimberly Shay Go to Comment
Justice Served
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-05-31 06:51 AM
Indeed! The paste feature does work!
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Death of a King
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-05-31 06:09 AM
Honestly, I wonder if this is some sort of test of citadel community. A new user appears with an earnest line about being a writer and then posts work seemingly from a bunch of other writers and focuses much on the feedback. Are they checking to see what goes into a vote? Are they picking stuff written by rivals? Or this is just straight theft to achieve some on-line affirmation? On-line plagarization for no profit or real word gain....what is the point? Further study is warranted.

But yeah..... CHALLENGE Go to Comment
Lady Evica
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-03 04:40 PM
This is a great idea, a demi-goddess the converts to another religion! Her reasons for converting to faith are all rooted in vanity and all her kindness is tempered by pathological narcissism. Great stuff for 3rd and 4th generation role-playing games. It is held back by its blunt prose, excessive "I am so clever" winking at the reader stuff, an emphasis on combat or physical encounters over characters and oh so many tangents. It is like you couldn't find your voice in this one.
But over all great idea, lots of fun details, I really like the plots as well, just a ton of possibilities. Go to Comment
T/S Bomb
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-05-19 08:27 AM
Cute, you paint a nice scene of the battle, as always suggestive of more, and there are some fun phrases dropped in. Go to Comment
Replacing A Traitor.
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-05 10:02 PM
I haven’t finished this yet, and I am a little off put by the violent sex stuff. I will wait until I am done to decide if this is just self-indulgent pornography or something of a real story. 
I do agree with Dossta that if this is just a justification for misogynistic fantasy than it doesn’t belong here. And I do think that the difference between a narrative that is about sex and narrative that exploits and sensationalizes sex can be defined. But graphic sex alone or overt sexual content is not reason enough to dismiss something. I think a challenge should be pointed and articulated. 
I can think of several books that are about sex, “Son and Lovers” (D.H. Lawerence), “Women” (Charles Bukowski) and to a lesser extent “Still Life with Woodpecker” (Tim Robbins) that are not pornography. In the realm of Sci-fi/fantasy the steamy sex scene has its place. For example in the novel “Altered Carbon” (Richard K. Morgan) there is very graphic description of sexual encounter between women who genetically engineered to secret drugs from her mucus membranes, the hero and the A.I. that runs the hotel they are staying at. I bring up this case because much of the sci-fi emersion was brought through in that sex scene, and we see how the technology of the time changed sex. I would bring up George R.R. Martin, but sometimes (particularly in the last book) I think he does cross the line into really gratuitous sexual content. In the book “Outlander” Diane Gabaldon the heroine learns that violence gets into every part of medieval Scottish society including sex and marriage. I think the use of that sexual content to communicate a story or a setting should be addressed and we should also assess whether that content is respectful to the subject or whether it is exploitive and clearly insensitive enough to be widely insulting.
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Replacing A Traitor.
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-14 06:06 AM
I finally finished is not an easy read. The prose is blunt and repetitive. But much the story is dedicated to graphic and unrealistic sexual scenarios. There are some nice details about a steam punk world, but the literal message of the story...the one championed by the narrator is that the evil self centered pragmatism of the queen is justified. There are some hints that the brainwashed main character knows things are wrong, but there is little she can do because the sexual spell she is under.

Towards the later chapter errors in word use become more frequent.

I don't know if this "belongs here" or not but a lot of the content is detailed sexual encounters that don't move the plot along. I get that the main character's seduction is kind of the plot, but do you need all the details about where fingers are going and such? I'd say much of this is pornography. Go to Comment
Familiar Elementals
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-21 10:05 PM
I really like this one, I can't believe nobody thought of it before. A simple concise write up. Go to Comment
The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-19 09:01 AM
kudos on not using this old quote

"You can judge a society by the way it treats its prisoners"
- Winston Churchill

I admire a write up that tackles multiple points in time, the before and after and eclipse, thing is nice in game terms and narrative terms as well.

The piece has a very personalized feel, in that it has authors commentary through out it
"It's an interesting commentary on Shardis patronage that despite having the lowest percentage of the prisoner population and the smallest number of cells, these two wings occupy the a full third of the facility's space." It always helpful when the author tells us something is interesting ;)

So with this personalize take in mind, why did you not write then a more vivid personal account of the prison? Despite the interesting people write up, you do not give us a day account of prison life or anything that paints a clear picture of life in the prison. You focus on the geography and the potential goals (escape or rescue...what else does one do with a prison?), why did you not provide a vignette about prison life? You have a great idea here which could be more developed. Go to Comment
The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-19 09:47 AM
Ironically, just described prison life, a "Bradley Manning" type existence, for the poor and an uncomfortable study for the rich.

If this is going to place that the PCs could pull a heist, what about sewage, food delivery, guard and staff turnover, and ventilation? Go to Comment
The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-22 08:27 AM
Chaosmark regarding details: "for they are the subtle lifeblood of a submission that provide all the options that the PCs might take"

I was suggesting that you provide more details about the mechanics (both social and physical) of getting in and out the prison. It is a prison: you are either breaking in or out of it or dealing with all the reasons you can't.
Another use of a prison, in a narrative, is as a social measuring stick or common source for allusion. More details, though you do already have some, about the societies' view of the prison. I think details relating to these ideas would be worth adding. Go to Comment
The Shardis Gaols
Locations  (City)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-22 10:43 PM
Does this sub currently contain irrelevant details? Perhaps we should take a different tact and shorten this up.  

Paragraph one and two provide us with the authors view of prison and punishment without discussing law. Being that the prison is not going to be a major part of the story do we need this brief and unconcluded pontification of institutional punishment as a function of a complex society.  Do we need this to understand the gaols, is the teaser text not enough?  

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30 Maggots
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-03-12 03:25 PM

Well no flies on you....just maggots.  


I am with mystic and Mourn this is a surprisingly varied and creative list.  If I were to write it I would shoot for a greater consistency of tone and perspective.   You seem to jump back and forth between the vague verisimilitude of in-game entries and the hard facts presented with a mind towards narrative wiggle room that defines RPG specific content. A comparison of Numbers 12 and 13 is good example of how this write-up lacks a constant tone or perspective.

Still a “fun” bunch of maggots.  



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Casa de Vulva
Locations  (Establishment)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-03-10 02:40 PM

This is great, I love shadowrun (hate the system love the setting) and I thank you for opening up the gates of shadowrun specific content.  But also Casa de Vulva, this kind of silly minutia is just the sort thing gets the game table rolling.  Well played.  

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Generating Fear: Disappearing Pursuit
Articles  (At Table)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-03-12 02:54 PM

"It is quiet....too quiet"

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The Legend of Jaroth, The Dragon's Shadow
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-26 11:44 PM

I like the tone and I like the way this is written.  You present the piece as rumor and heresay about rumors and you have achieved a mysterious tone.  But beyond on that this offers very little in the way of story.  

You say you have stories "Jaroth may take the form of a rogue military general drawing artillery power from a new-found source, or a master thief who's grown weary of picking through the belongings of wealthy humans. He may, in fact, be an avatar or high-ranking cleric of some dragon god, exacting vengeance for some misdeed; or a tormented land baron, cursed to be hunted mercilessly for all time (alternatively, the dragon could be the one who's cursed, forever bound to frustratedly hunt Jaroth, a construct specifically designed to perpetually evade pursuit)."  

But then you don't tell us the stories.  Yes we could fill in the details ourselves, but then why bother writing this at all?  

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A Treatise on the Styles of Casting
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-27 06:03 PM


A post on an entirely extraneous game mechanic like this, for me, forces the issue of what these types of rules bring to the game.  I am personally conflicted on things like this.  Using this in game does not add a new narrative tools, not really, it could potentially slow the action done and it is more details with which to argue.  Why do we need spell mishap tables and do we need to invent new constraints on players ability? Does adding these sorts of specific constraints improve the versatility of the playing experience?  Do we need more rules?

Yet at the same time, I like these things that add to the “realistic feel” of the game.  Saying I cast a spell, has an empty feel to do it, if you can describe the process by which a spell is cast and by extension how that spell can be miss cast you make the game world richer.  The gaming group paints a better picture for the collective imagination when the process by which a character acts is more detailed then swing and miss. Also these details give the players more tools with which to exploit the world.  When there are more strings attached to in game concepts and items; the more likely a player can unravel it and that is a good thing. So I am torn on what the net result of these types of things will be on the game.  Further study is no doubt needed.....

Okay, about this post: It is well written and straight forward.  Chaosmark assumse so much about the nature of magic and casting that this almost seems like a system specific expansion. We may as well pull back the curtain and post some casting time and spell per day numbers.   Yet the general concepts are developed enough, each type of casting, that player can easily envision them and use them.  A well organized and useful post

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St. Cled's Path
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-27 06:37 PM

I wager there were a few smirks  from the author when he wrote this one (the sad onions). Okay excuse me for one moment

*walks over to a lop sided shed haphazardly leaning against the splendid walls of the Citadel. Axle addresses shed, "One soap box please"*

 But why again do we have to have a rape as the awful crime and tragedy?!  It always smacks of mysogeny when a story teller has to rape somebody to motivate characters or to add emotional weight to an event or story.   I understand it is a terrible event that is all too common, and people are right to enraged by it.  But I think it gets overused in fantasy fiction. Plus the response to the rape in stories and plot line is often about the male character's desire for revenge.  I think the rape-motivation story broke a threshold for me when an author named Ken Scholes published a story about a 50 some year old alternate time Hilter finding the courage to stand against french facists (with the help of Charlie Chaplin and Earnest Hemingway) when he wittnessed the rape of a jewish girl.   A liberal mild mannered Hilter I could stand...but when the author couldn't find another way to explore the importance of political action and the horrors of facism then graphic sexual violence...well I didn't finish the story.  I get that mister Scholes was trying to ruffle some feathers with goatee Hitler, but wasn't the alternate time line enough?  

*Thank you, just place this back in the Citadel's soap box shed please.  Oh the shed is full? Alright well I guess we can toss this one out* 

Okay moving on, this is great, it is really nice when you can have the NPCs doing stuff in your game world, besides serving beers, getting kidnapped and telling vague tales of forgotten swords.  I would love to play in a game world that had this stuff going in the background.  

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St. Cled's Path
Locations  (Other)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-27 08:46 PM

I don't just comment, I commit-ment.....get it? like a commited comment....Bah!

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David Branch, Cult Leader
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-25 07:48 PM
If Branch had an out would he take it? Go to Comment
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