Solid bit of work, and I like the approach you are taking: lay out the logic of the setting and then put out the details. I think many people work the other way . They start with the glowing axes, the bad guy in pink spandex and the hyper intelligent shades of blue and work backwards to justify the existence of these things.
I too have been using the citadel to work on a galactic sized human civilization. But while there is some overlap, what these ideas and your style of writing reminds me off is Scrasamax and his Cosmic Era setting. His stuff is fairly Earthbound and relatively near future but you should check it out. There might be some overlaps you can exploit and adapt into your setting.
But you asked for feedback
Some things to think about:
How are you can to manage the deep space travel?
What type of tone (i.e. Grimdark, Macho-adventure, Cherry flavored space Opera) do you want to set? *
Who are the five most interesting people in your universe?
Are you bringing characters straight out of mythology like Zeus, Oden, Hercules and/or Shiva?
Pro-tip: If you are looking for lots of feedback and interaction about this, start a forum thread, the comments section can become unweildly.Go to Comment
1- I don't know why but "Sporty" really won me over, I chuckled, nice
2-Sea foam baby, Sea Foam
3-have very little mermaid specific stuff about her, I don't want to put all merpeople in the same wet box, but this could be any princess.
4-I am tempted to say build on this, but the concept is communicated pretty clearly
5-that is terrible, but it is an interesting back story, Maybe she hangs on! Learns the language, gains some confidences, starts playing people off each other, and over time her innocent and honest attempts at survival turn to ruthless bitter ambition. Next time those fisherman come to town they find a welcome that is all too warm. Because our little landlocked mermaid is now running that brothel and the gangs of thugs it attracts. She is jabba the hut with seashell bra and a purpose: to net those that netted her.
6-Garrison Keller? Seriously have seen pictures of that dude....half carp at least
7-Gamers love hoarders.Go to Comment
I loved this, I'd been hoping you'd write one these personal first person stories of the cosmic era for some time. The above story, more than anything else, puts a pin in the CE for me. If I may pull out one more positive note, I like the way you drew the line out of our current media obsessed and TV socialized culture to your own brave new world. The difference between entertainment reality and reality becomes blurred. Instead of emulating the callow emotions, comic timing and melo-drama of sitcoms, with the help of tech support and directed group think the archo citizens become the sitcom. I've always known the narcissistic hyperbolic emo drama queens would bring us down.Go to Comment