Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Star Whale
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Space)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-03 02:28 PM


I liked the lecture, perhaps the Golgafrinchan's didn't make up that whole space goat idea. You give us the concept of the space whale. It is an interesting idea for explaining mass extinctions because it forces a view human existence that includes the humanity as citizens of the galaxy. But because the space whale is so difficult for humanity or any person to interact with the idea it is difficult to engage with. Thus like the lecturer we are left with nothing to do but throw up the hands of imaginations.



What can you say about giant untouchable (almost unknowable) space whales ( that treat our planet like a cookie jar) that sucks.



Perhaps Moby Dick and the space whale are the last elements of nature that man can not conquer and thus must turn to religion in order to understand his role in the universe? But Moby Dick and Ahab had history, a relationship. There can be no personal relationships with a star whale.



You could go out and look for Moby Dick. You could look for and physically wrestle with the embodiment of natural death living among man's violent oppression and exploitation of the natural world.

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Golden Golem
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 12:44 PM
Nice item/creature, clear cut visuals and just the hint of a story...just a hint. Go to Comment
Golden Golem
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 01:11 PM


The partial story stands out a bit cause you lead with it in the teaser and open with it in the body of the piece. So going into the piece it appears like that is going to be the focus, but then it gets left behind.



I like the coin face idea. Also you should tack monster-of-the-week on to this

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30 Goblin Gifts
Items  (Other)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-26 03:24 PM


I do not believe that Cheka is incapable of adding people himself. If you enter 2130 into the contributor bar you can add Muro's name

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Bjonak
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-03 08:27 PM
The image of the faceless avenger and expeditor of the Id is a classic trope. I can just see Leslie Nielsen screaming at the little girl "Your mind refuses to face the conclusion." (for the kids: that is a reference to the Forbidden Planet the most influential space travel movie until 2001)

But really the visuals are very neat.

What if a group of ruthless individuals get the mask and know what it is? Could they hire actors to go live with the masks for a few days carrying diaries that saying "Man I really wish Goldman-Sacs would drop four points by monday"? Or something like that Go to Comment
Demon Summoning for Idiots
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-12 06:48 PM
This is great! Well written, flippant, I love the voice...

"Thus, you must try to be as casual and aloof as possible, and make it seem like this demon is just some other demon: you summon and command far more powerful beasts than this pitiful wretch"

I bet Jacob Latris has a cool hand with the ladies. Go to Comment
Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-11 02:47 PM
"not that harmful, they cause a sub to drag on, and can seem condescending"

Welcome to the dark side buddy! Go to Comment
Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 11:49 AM


This a lot of dogma and bias presented as conclusions. It is more about "playing the game" of the Citadel than sharing ideas, because the author is trying to head what he believes to be bad ideas off at the pass.



Formatting and structure are helpful points, reading on the web is easier with varied text (I find)

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7 Things About GI Joe
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-10 09:01 AM
I am not quite sure I understand this.

Aside from the intro and the conclusion it reads like a check list on whether or not Joe fits the comsic era. You have sold me, I think it does.

Are we discussing how the GI Joe cartoon (you didn't read the comics?) influenced the cosmic era? I think that is interesting topic, discussing your creative and writers process.

Are we discussing how the GI JOE characters are realized and integrated into the cosmic era? I feel like this is more about the Joe cartoon as it was truly in the 80s, and not so much the joe story is re-told in the cosmic era.

Sentences that confuse me are like this one
"Cobra and the Joes both had full access to arcanotech, Cobra used it to make wonder weapons, and exotic devices, and bases in the middle of nowhere, and have things like a leader with a chrome head. "
Because you discuss this in a past tense and as if the world of the Cosmic Era and Joes were already one.

Then you have sentences such as this one in which you discuss the cartoon in the voice of fan or critic.
"While there were plenty of normal episodes, a very large number of GI Joe episodes dealt with abnormal situations, from being shrunk to diminutive size in one episode, to exploring the Himalayas and encountered yetis, and alien dimensions."

Then you sentences like this
"In the Cosmic Era TPK isn't uncommon. With levels of engagement, TPKs can potentially be common. a group of infantry encountering a squad of power armor troopers are going to be smeared like bugs, while a single mech is going to stomp all of them like a man crushing insects under his boots. "

This is an even tougher sell, and here is my big point.
The cosmic era stuff (I have not read it all) as far as I can see is all meta-material. It is material generated that is peripheral or an accessory to the stories and the narrative. For example the clone list, you not telling the story of the Jo clones, you are telling us about the way they may be integrated into another story. You have "the last tank" story, which is still written as analysis of another narrative (the mockumentry is a powerful technique..I am not knocking it).

The actual medium in which the cosmic era will be realized will either be at the game table or in some other form: a story or novel. We have yet to see the pieces put together into some working apparatus. How do you see your audience for the cosmic era? Are you talking to us as fellow story tellers?

I all for dissection of the work and the influences: Well done sir.
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7 Things About GI Joe
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-10 09:48 AM


To be fair I never really read the joe comics either, there was a lot material in them and I always felt like I was stepping in mid stream, but all friends I grade school read the comics, so I picked up a few and you had some cosmic era type stuff in there as well. There were clones and space travel, people got shot and blown up. It was more military though than the tv show which had stronger sci-fi element. But there were GI joe transformer cross over comic which I also never read. I have tried to get into comics as Adult but just can't do it. I feel like you would really enjoy the newish transformers comic, they have adult retro- selective retelling and rationalization that is part of the cosmic era narrative .



But my real question regarding goals and audience is how do you view your audience at the citadel with regard to this post?

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Gravediggers' Legacy
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-08 04:30 PM


I know when to call spade a spade.



Please don't think I am troweling here.... But from the description of their animation and origin it sounds like they might seek to stop diggers, so undead mages or other ground dwelling super beings won't be disturbed. These could be funny antagonists for miners and grave diggers.

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Parna's Cradle and the Golden Stamp
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Plains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-27 08:49 AM
Good catch thanks: fIxed that sentence and broke up some of the paragraphs. Go to Comment
Arcanotech
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-05 11:36 AM
I think I get it now!

Thanks. Go to Comment
Arcanotech
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-06 06:06 AM
If there was really no magic in this you would have published this article in Nature and not roleplaying website. I like it, and this stuff is a necessary tool for deep fiction (by deep I mean complicated). Go to Comment
7 Horrifying Curses
Articles  (Scenario)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 01:08 PM
Well those are awful curses, 3,4 and 5 provide some good RPG fodder. I agree with Scras, a little weak. I don't think the editorializing adds anything to the description of the curses, the prose is a little simplistic and the voice and perspective unclear.
Example
"until he or she ends up as thin and boney as a concentration camp victim and then starves to death"...not the most creative, world immersive or tasteful sentence ever.

But in all cases you get your point across clearly. So well done.
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My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 08:10 AM
Ah Dozus, you have too sharp a mind for me, and I am certain you are playing a verbal game of 4 dimensional chess with me here. I see the door you have lead me too, but I can't guess what is on the other side. So I will ask you the obvious question.

Do not ambiguous statements promote "interactivity"? Should I not as you say "anticipate Strolenites to... adapt".

Do you think strolenties want everything drawn out as Strolen says "with crayons" or do they prefer a more ambiguous frame work to which they may tack their own ideas?



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My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 10:55 AM
alright Dozus, I will push back from the table. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 03:14 PM


I like Silveressa's deduction better than any idea I had. I did have a clear idea of what going in the computers mind, and what I was trying to say. But I thought it was better to leave it open

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Self Propelled Turret
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-08 04:58 PM


So its not a tank....tough sell



But the write up is really nice, and the plot hook is an excellent finish. I think this would be more fun inverted with the focus being on a plot that involves learning about this tank thing rather than learning all about this tank think with a plot tacked on.

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Lescelina the Witch Queen
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-02 02:27 PM
So who is Lesceline? She is a mystical monarch who uses lines such as "You dare threaten me?". I don't find her to be that clearly defined. We have Ichtalca, this woman with an interesting past and tragic birth and childhood. But then she becomes this "terrible and beautiful" queen who has people eviscerated and speaks in trite theatrical phrases. She has the memories of many life times, strikes others as very angry and then can be gentle and kind to her prisoners.
What do the gator folk mean to her?
What was Tergryn to her?
Is there an Ichtalca personality left or Nanni personality left or are they just the result of this fusion. Go to Comment
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