Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-11 03:47 PM
"not that harmful, they cause a sub to drag on, and can seem condescending"

Welcome to the dark side buddy! Go to Comment
Valadaars First Submission Advice
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 12:49 PM

This a lot of dogma and bias presented as conclusions. It is more about "playing the game" of the Citadel than sharing ideas, because the author is trying to head what he believes to be bad ideas off at the pass.

Formatting and structure are helpful points, reading on the web is easier with varied text (I find)

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7 Things About GI Joe
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-10 10:01 AM
I am not quite sure I understand this.

Aside from the intro and the conclusion it reads like a check list on whether or not Joe fits the comsic era. You have sold me, I think it does.

Are we discussing how the GI Joe cartoon (you didn't read the comics?) influenced the cosmic era? I think that is interesting topic, discussing your creative and writers process.

Are we discussing how the GI JOE characters are realized and integrated into the cosmic era? I feel like this is more about the Joe cartoon as it was truly in the 80s, and not so much the joe story is re-told in the cosmic era.

Sentences that confuse me are like this one
"Cobra and the Joes both had full access to arcanotech, Cobra used it to make wonder weapons, and exotic devices, and bases in the middle of nowhere, and have things like a leader with a chrome head. "
Because you discuss this in a past tense and as if the world of the Cosmic Era and Joes were already one.

Then you have sentences such as this one in which you discuss the cartoon in the voice of fan or critic.
"While there were plenty of normal episodes, a very large number of GI Joe episodes dealt with abnormal situations, from being shrunk to diminutive size in one episode, to exploring the Himalayas and encountered yetis, and alien dimensions."

Then you sentences like this
"In the Cosmic Era TPK isn't uncommon. With levels of engagement, TPKs can potentially be common. a group of infantry encountering a squad of power armor troopers are going to be smeared like bugs, while a single mech is going to stomp all of them like a man crushing insects under his boots. "

This is an even tougher sell, and here is my big point.
The cosmic era stuff (I have not read it all) as far as I can see is all meta-material. It is material generated that is peripheral or an accessory to the stories and the narrative. For example the clone list, you not telling the story of the Jo clones, you are telling us about the way they may be integrated into another story. You have "the last tank" story, which is still written as analysis of another narrative (the mockumentry is a powerful technique..I am not knocking it).

The actual medium in which the cosmic era will be realized will either be at the game table or in some other form: a story or novel. We have yet to see the pieces put together into some working apparatus. How do you see your audience for the cosmic era? Are you talking to us as fellow story tellers?

I all for dissection of the work and the influences: Well done sir.
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7 Things About GI Joe
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-10 10:48 AM

To be fair I never really read the joe comics either, there was a lot material in them and I always felt like I was stepping in mid stream, but all friends I grade school read the comics, so I picked up a few and you had some cosmic era type stuff in there as well. There were clones and space travel, people got shot and blown up. It was more military though than the tv show which had stronger sci-fi element. But there were GI joe transformer cross over comic which I also never read. I have tried to get into comics as Adult but just can't do it. I feel like you would really enjoy the newish transformers comic, they have adult retro- selective retelling and rationalization that is part of the cosmic era narrative .

But my real question regarding goals and audience is how do you view your audience at the citadel with regard to this post?

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Gravediggers' Legacy
Items  (Equipment Listing)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-08 05:30 PM

I know when to call spade a spade.

Please don't think I am troweling here.... But from the description of their animation and origin it sounds like they might seek to stop diggers, so undead mages or other ground dwelling super beings won't be disturbed. These could be funny antagonists for miners and grave diggers.

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Parna's Cradle and the Golden Stamp
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Plains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-27 09:49 AM
Good catch thanks: fIxed that sentence and broke up some of the paragraphs. Go to Comment
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-05 12:36 PM
I think I get it now!

Thanks. Go to Comment
Systems  (Knowledge/Lore)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-06 07:06 AM
If there was really no magic in this you would have published this article in Nature and not roleplaying website. I like it, and this stuff is a necessary tool for deep fiction (by deep I mean complicated). Go to Comment
7 Horrifying Curses
Articles  (Scenario)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 02:08 PM
Well those are awful curses, 3,4 and 5 provide some good RPG fodder. I agree with Scras, a little weak. I don't think the editorializing adds anything to the description of the curses, the prose is a little simplistic and the voice and perspective unclear.
"until he or she ends up as thin and boney as a concentration camp victim and then starves to death"...not the most creative, world immersive or tasteful sentence ever.

But in all cases you get your point across clearly. So well done.
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My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 09:10 AM
Ah Dozus, you have too sharp a mind for me, and I am certain you are playing a verbal game of 4 dimensional chess with me here. I see the door you have lead me too, but I can't guess what is on the other side. So I will ask you the obvious question.

Do not ambiguous statements promote "interactivity"? Should I not as you say "anticipate Strolenites to... adapt".

Do you think strolenties want everything drawn out as Strolen says "with crayons" or do they prefer a more ambiguous frame work to which they may tack their own ideas?

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My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 11:55 AM
alright Dozus, I will push back from the table. Go to Comment
My Last Crop of Humans
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-04 04:14 PM

I like Silveressa's deduction better than any idea I had. I did have a clear idea of what going in the computers mind, and what I was trying to say. But I thought it was better to leave it open

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Self Propelled Turret
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-08 05:58 PM

So its not a tank....tough sell

But the write up is really nice, and the plot hook is an excellent finish. I think this would be more fun inverted with the focus being on a plot that involves learning about this tank thing rather than learning all about this tank think with a plot tacked on.

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Lescelina the Witch Queen
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-02 03:27 PM
So who is Lesceline? She is a mystical monarch who uses lines such as "You dare threaten me?". I don't find her to be that clearly defined. We have Ichtalca, this woman with an interesting past and tragic birth and childhood. But then she becomes this "terrible and beautiful" queen who has people eviscerated and speaks in trite theatrical phrases. She has the memories of many life times, strikes others as very angry and then can be gentle and kind to her prisoners.
What do the gator folk mean to her?
What was Tergryn to her?
Is there an Ichtalca personality left or Nanni personality left or are they just the result of this fusion. Go to Comment
Lescelina the Witch Queen
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-02 03:34 PM
There is a lot of excellent information and detail here.

Let me see if I got her personality down as you intended to communicate it:

She is aloof.
She is impatient
She is proud
She is violent and cruel
First and foremost she is a problem solver.

Why didn't you just write this up as story? I think you would communicate a lot more and give us more of a feel if you really gave this to a true narrative, not this sort of cliff note summary.

But hey witch queen of the gator people: that is awesome. Go to Comment
Lescelina the Witch Queen
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-02 03:36 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Cosmic Era: Mortal Kombat I Dossier
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-02 03:59 PM
I think this is a well presented write up and fun in nostalgia sort of way. I once wasted a whole afternoon on this website

So in that respects it is fun.

I think this a poor merging of these topics into the cosmic era. You haven't done anything new with the characters. I get that a big appeal of the cosmic era is playing with all the toys at once, and that respect perhaps you could a do write that mixes a lot of the things into one scene.
Example: Perhaps Kano runs an international contracting company as part of his cover. Kano and his team travel to a country with a bunch of heavy equipment and his management crew. You then breakdown this team as follows

Heavy construction equipment are actually the constructocons. A bunch of siebertronian beings.

Kano's girlfriend Pizazz travels with him along with her all girl punk band the Misfits

You get where I am going, if you really want to put all the stuff in the pot you got to take it out of the box first. All you did here is use the jargon and proper names from your setting to explain characters that already exists. At least your G.I. Joe clone list was a little tongue in cheek and had the amusing possibility of a ship manned by 400 shipwrecks.

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Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-02-24 12:04 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Society/ Organizations  (Political)   (Trans World)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-02-24 12:04 PM
Having Sci-fi communists could be fun. We could revisit all that 70s and 80s science fiction that predict the cold war continuing into space, plus the USSR really knew how to dress once it got going. Plus starting a sentence with "Comrade" is much better than starting it with "Well Met".

One question about this post:
"Without the corruption that was iconic of cold war era USSR"

You mean the New USSR fixed communism! You have to tell us how they did that.

Here is another challenge.


Almost 400 years after Ivan the Terrible, a man named Nicholas became Czar of Russia. A descendant of the Queen of England and cousin to the Kaiser of Germany, he was more in touch with the other monarchs of Europe than with his own people. But the power of the Czars was so great that it seemed none could challenge him. Until war came and the peasants were pulled into the army by the millions and sacrificed to protect foreign interests. Eventually the tide of revolution over threw the Czar and removed Russia from the War. After months of imprisonment the Czar and his family were shot. One of the many interests reaching for power after the fall the Czar were the Bolsheviks, followers of Karl Marx's teaching, and eventually they rose to power. Under the leadership of the Bolsheviks Russia became the USSR, and the USSR was most powerful country in Europe or Asia. But despite its Marxist ideals and the new name the USSR was still a Russian state at heart.

Does every agree with that summary of the Russian revolution? Did I leave out anything important or is that pretty much it?

Based on the above paragraph can you answer these question about the USSR:
1) What would I likely have for breakfast in the St. Petersburg of the USSR if I was taxi cab driver living in the city?

2) What did the USSR do with its political influence?

3) What did the rest of Asia and Europe think of the USSR as a matter of policy and in terms of popular opinion?

4) Why did the Bolsheviks succeed where others failed?

5) How did the revolution change fashion and art in the cities and the country side?

6) How popular where the Bolshevik political ideals prior to the revolution?

7) What happened to the Czarist loyalists after the revolution?

I bet if you re-wrote the NUSSR post in a cohesive narrative the included answers to seven equivalent questions we would have a nation at least as fully realized as say Cimmeria.

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One Man's Trash...
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-06 07:16 PM
Short sweet thoughtful and so classic Go to Comment
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