Please do not feel attacked, I just want to understand what your thought process was when you wrote this. I, personally, have recently embarked be on a quest, to understand the voice of gaming fiction. When you describe the dragon or the armor you are describing something you made up, yet you are describing not the thought process involved in the generation of the dragon or the place he holds on a meta level in a narrative you are describing him. What is interesting about the opening line is that you are describing him, not directly, but based on how other people or things have viewed him. He was bestowed a monkier, he is said to have many examples of boldness, but they are not shown. Now, I like this story telling technique, it is often more effective to suggest detail than to actually give it. But you have created another character, in the opening paragraph, the voice describing the dragon is another character. (Am I being obvious here, I hope I am not preaching to the choir? )
Who is this person describing the dragon, why is he making conclusions, "the dragon has guile"? I am excited about discussing this further and I want to understand better how you and others like us envision this stuff when we create it.
6) The character is likely very tired. Who gets out of a burning mech and thinks about their bed? This imagery gives another context with which to view the character's actions.Go to Comment