Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Ghorion, the Weaponmaster
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-11 06:23 AM
And advancing evil glacier....damn you Nekron! To the Dragonhawks!


I think for an epic death, you have to have a character that PCs really want to kill. A guy with a lot hit points, floating weapons, and 3-D combat home is obnoxious and challenging, but they will never learn his name. This character has no personality-his brain is rotting. His shield is smarter than he is, and based on the write up I think the personality of the encounter will be dominated by his shield no matter how many weapons this guy may literally pull out of his ass. He has no back story, and it wouldn't matter if he did have a back story because the only facts you see relevant to him are those that relate to the combat grid. Yeah he was one of three Troll Kings of Cloudtseeth, but that only suggests something: it promises a narrative this doesn't deliver. How is this a story telling tool?

There is a lot of information, but no mechanism to transmit those ideas to the player. If this is a really cool boss than how are you going to get your character interested in fighting him before the fight? Are you going to give them the chance to prepare and plan for this battle? Unless some dying Uronothi whispers "You may have won this round, but you will never get past Ghorion the weapon master" or some other heavy handed crap: the players need never learn his name. The structure of the post is really haphazard and reads more like pre-story notes.

To be fair, every one else seems to think this is pretty awesome and I don't need to down vote you. Let us know how Ghorion went over with you players, and if you had to break the 4th wall to unpack the character. Go to Comment
Ghorion, the Weaponmaster
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-15 05:47 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Emote Cube
Items  (Other)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-02-25 08:46 AM
Isn't Phaidros the name of the Socrates's imaginary companion in Plato's work of the same name? Go to Comment
Art of the weilder
Systems  (Combat/ Warfare)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-13 03:06 PM
"Reminds me of Jedi. I can see axle's point in replacing age ranges with something more character-oriented, but I kind of like that approach..."

I don't write every comment on site, that one was mystic's Go to Comment
Thrall and Yola
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-27 05:44 AM
The description of the coal fire was well paced and pulled me into the story. Go to Comment
The Glenbeard Tunnels
Locations  (Country/ State)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-11 06:49 AM
I like the story alot, but it feels like you ran out of steam towards the end. You give us the broadstrokes of the political military history of the region and how that lead to the formation of the tunnels. You gives us a few specific details about some battle and the personalities that shaped that world. We don't get a clear picture of the "modern tunnels" or the the tunnels that this sleepy little dwarf is asking about. What are the Irondeeps like today? What is it like to ride the subsystem? Could you have some Chinatown like plot where some evil dwarven developer wants to recklessly expand the dwarven tunnels? You have a great prologue. Go to Comment
Ode to "The Temple of Doom"(A tale of Mysantia)
Plots  (Travel)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-04 08:35 PM
You didn't need 100 words.

Indiana Jones, Rope Bridge, Skeletons instead of Thuggee Go to Comment
Ode to "The Temple of Doom"(A tale of Mysantia)
Plots  (Travel)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-04 10:33 PM
You betrayed shiva! Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 08:38 PM
This has a lot of possibilities, used a plot delivery device or interesting opponent, if I were to take this armor into a game I would have the Dragon be able to animate without a living host. Thus if the owner dies in the suit of armor, the armor and the corpse would fight on.

I like the writing style in the first four paragraphs but the perspective and intend audience is not clear.

" perhaps previously unseen by the characters" This suggests that this is a metagame discussion of the item. Yet if it is a metagame discussion the best part of the write up, the enigmatic nature of the dragon's motivation and will, becomes moot. Lines like "treated as rune item" also suggest a metagame discussion and do not fit into the narrative which presents us with a narrator who both respects and is in awe of the dragon character.

Nice item though, I enjoyed reading it. Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 08:39 PM
This has a lot of possibilities, used a plot delivery device or interesting opponent, if I were to take this armor into a game I would have the Dragon be able to animate without a living host. Thus if the owner dies in the suit of armor, the armor and the corpse would fight on.

I like the writing style in the first four paragraphs but the perspective and intended audience is not clear.

" perhaps previously unseen by the characters" This suggests that this is a metagame discussion of the item. Yet if it is a metagame discussion the best part of the write up, the enigmatic nature of the dragon's motivation and will, becomes moot. Lines like "treated as rune item" also suggest a metagame discussion and do not fit into the narrative which presents us with a narrator who both respects and is in awe of the dragon character.

Nice item though, I enjoyed reading it. Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 10:45 PM
Moving on from your intended audience being a GM, (I am just really curious about how people like you perceive the stuff you write.)

"Galafox was not given the moniker "Old Fox" for nothing, and this suit of dragon scale armor is but one example of the dragon's guile."

When you wrote this line do you intended it to be percieved as one GM talking to another, or was it intended to viewed as an observation or conclusion made by some character or personality within the narrative of the game world? Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 10:45 PM
Moving on from your intended audience being a GM, (I am just really curious about how people like you perceive the stuff you write.)

"Galafox was not given the moniker "Old Fox" for nothing, and this suit of dragon scale armor is but one example of the dragon's guile."

When you wrote this line do you intended it to be percieved as one GM talking to another, or was it intended to be viewed as an observation or conclusion made by some character or personality within the narrative of the game world? Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-14 02:03 PM
People like us, RPG enthusiasts and I am not one to speak to standards here. If there are any standards they are the result of group think (Example: Did you see Firefly, we should really write more stuff that embraces genres but breathes new life into it by mixing genres) , dogmatic bullying (Example: You can't post in game stats, and drow are stupid!) or people just raising the bar by writing better and more involved posts (Example: I may like a 100 word item description about a shield of wind but it just doesn't have as much detail as flamesilk, so I won't give it as high a score). 

 Please do not feel attacked, I just want to understand what your thought process was when you wrote this. I, personally, have recently embarked be on a quest, to understand the voice of gaming fiction. When you describe the dragon or the armor you are describing something you made up, yet you are describing not the thought process involved in the generation of the dragon or the place he holds on a meta level in a narrative you are describing him. What is interesting about the opening line is that you are describing him, not directly, but based on how other people or things have viewed him. He was bestowed a monkier, he is said to have many examples of boldness, but they are not shown. Now, I like this story telling technique, it is often more effective to suggest detail than to actually give it. But you have created another character, in the opening paragraph, the voice describing the dragon is another character. (Am I being obvious here, I hope I am not preaching to the choir? ) 


Who is this person describing the dragon, why is he making conclusions, "the dragon has guile"? I am excited about discussing this further and I want to understand better how you and others like us envision this stuff when we create it.


Go to Comment
Fox's Dragon Scale Armor
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-15 04:27 PM
My name is not Lunarstalker, I will not tell you what is write or wrong (get it?....write as in written?....painful?....bah). Is generic more helpful? Perhaps. Then why add the name at all? I would say anything that drives the narrative or pushes the plot along is not fluff.

The only I would change is the metafluffist (patent pending, thanks muro) stuff in the forth paragraph Go to Comment
Camel's Hump
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 02:42 PM
Nice one, I like the voice in the first section. I agree with Dozus a little cultural information would improve the vintage, and if the wine a cultural weight behind it (aside from the large material and temporal investment) it could better be used as a story telling tool. Go to Comment
LA by Nite Minor Characters
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Artistic/Performance)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-11 09:40 AM
This is horrifying. It says a lot about your view of people. This is the bleakest dark comedy I have seen on the site. This settles it, if ever I have a daughter she is not getting a barbie. You have changed me man.

Go to Comment
LA by Nite Minor Characters
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Artistic/Performance)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-13 08:00 PM
Still horrified. Go to Comment
Hrothen's Gate
Dungeons  (Mountains)   (Doors)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-12 06:33 PM
A mistake I have made often and still make is to be taken in by interesting narratives or attractive descriptions whenever judging a talk, proposal, paper or article. My first response to this was, aside from a banal enumeration of deaths, heavy recycling of the 300, and a ridiculously small area to have an epic battle, I loved it. There is so much here, religious dwarves, farming dwarves, dwarven politics, I wanted to write fan fiction about this half way through. Yet the content here in is about the pass, the dwarves that owned the pass and the battle that took the pass from the dwarves. This piece is only marginally about a dangerous ice filled valley run by mad dwarven demi-god and populated by vengeful spirits. It is even less about Hrothen, we learn more about his Axe then we do about him before the maddness.
 
I think you need to decide what this about, what you want to communicate to your audience. Does the fact that half the alliance humans died breaking down the east gate matter? Does the storm kill all the humans in the end? Does the hand ax to the head which took out the Bruetheron KIng matter? Perhaps a GM could use these details to make our undead a little more juicy, a crossbow slain undead would look different than a frozen undead. But that is the case why not write up that part yourself?

There is alot of good stuff here and great ideas, but it is not put together as cohesive or complete narrative or gaming resource.
Go to Comment
Hrothen's Gate
Dungeons  (Mountains)   (Doors)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-12 08:37 PM
I like the story, I think you have a great story. Is it the story you want to tell? Go to Comment
Hrothen's Gate
Dungeons  (Mountains)   (Doors)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-16 05:52 PM
I was torn as to how to vote on this, as dungeon write up it is weak sauce. As detailed write up of "historical event" it is fun, you get a bunch of stuff like this in your fictional world and you can start making in world literary allusions. And I actually muttered "Jerks!" when the Brutheron's charged though. So thanks I enjoyed it.

Go to Comment
Total Comments:
1404

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2