Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Queen Nekcrola the 47th (a Tale of Mysantia)
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-15 07:19 PM
I like it, the prose starts out witty and cheeky, but it seems like you run out steam towards the end and just start listing things. Overall nice sub, that describes its subject as much by tone as by the facts listed. This was a fun read. Go to Comment
The Threat of Sugar
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Artistic/Performance)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 09:36 AM
This is wonderful. I love the way you presented the information. They style of presentation gave as much, or more, as the information in text itself. I can't give this enough praise for presentation alone. Go to Comment
The Residents of Oldport
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-07 11:26 AM
I think this is a great piece, and so glad that I read it because I enjoyed it immensely. I think this idea of the immortally indentured servants is a great one that I do not feel has been fully explored in speculative fiction. The basic concept here could be stretched to sci-fi and these people could be holograms or robots or something that get reload every year. What else I have to say about this is just the musing of an enthusiastic fan boy.

This write up really straddles the three way line between real literary fiction, cartoonish sophomoric fiction and banal table top RPG considerations. In the first four paragraphs I feel you very concisely and skillfully layout a relatively complex situation by allowing the reader to view the events and discern their meaning. You show it, don’t say it and that show faith in your writing and your reader. I am impressed and feel like I could learn from it.

Then when you get into the next sections, you have asides that are obviously directed at the gamers: you note that all people should be seen as skilled warriors, and you discuss how very system specific concepts such turning undead and such might work. I get why you did this but it kind of pulls you out the story of these people. With some formatting changes I think you could condense all these gamer asides into one section. While the post still works, you just lose some of the rhythm and story telling strength with these asides.

Next you have the description of the towns people, and this is where you get into the cartoonish
“his waist tends to jiggle in more directions than needed, he is none the less dedicated to maintaining the oath. He can regularly be found with his trusted judge’s gavel hitting raiders over the head and yelling for reinforcements.”

There is nothing wrong with cartoonish, but it changes the theme of the piece again. You have children longing for death and clear mushrooms of their corpses and then a goofy fat man swinging a gavel into people’s heads and calling for help. Then you have Ua’d with his implied pontification on the nature of death, but you link that again to necromantic spells. I think a lot humans today wonder about death without the benefit or necromancy (unless you count the easter story as a necromantic event).

Yet there is an upside to these presentations. It presents the characters in a very accessible fashion. I can see everyone in my mind. Also by making them a little fun or cliché, you do cut into the morose themes, and I think that is necessary to explain why people keep up this process year after year.

Finally you descend again into sort of a darkly comic but horrific scene of children in battle, babies being blown apart, and young girls tearing the flesh off people’s bodies. You link this again to the cold blood priest’s bet. This is evocative stuff, and I would take this to mean that these people have been corrupted by years of war. But I can’t tell from the tone of the piece what you were going for here. Still it is great imagery and I found the prose to be strong and clear.

Overall great post, and though I now why you did it, I feel like you blunted this piece by focusing on combat and tactics and not on the lives and relationships of these people. You leave us with seeds, particularly in the case of Maria, but what is life like when you live immortally for combat? Do people fearing death wish to join the town and write their name in the ledger? Who will be the last man standing after everyone chooses death? What is the raid’s stop, will the count fail to arrive?

The fact that this piece raised these questions for me, made it a stronger and more enjoyable write-up for me.
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Bishop Saul O'hara
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 03:33 PM
Really great stuff here funny, interesting and very visual Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 01:53 PM


Does the book measure the height and angle of the reader's forehead to help determine racial purity of its readers? And why only white males...women loved Hitler.



Subplot...the neo-nazi camp comes across a book written by the ghostly hand of Chamberlin. They pass this book onto the PCs and suddenly our heros find themselves make all kinds of compromises.

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Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 07:53 PM
If you are not looking for validation than it doesn't matter what people think of your subs.You fit in fine as far as I concerned, and I do pity you and I do validate you. I thought my Chamberlin comment was funny, and low be you in my estimation for not giving me even a snicker or disgusted eye roll. People commented on this in generally positive light. Shame on you for trying to shame us by asserting that we are shunning or excluding if you had any of emotion you assert that you are having you would have gone away quietly and not left this -I just don't belong note-. Furthermore, I want to call your hand I will make a better case that I don't belong here and you do. Let me know if you are playing! Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 11:43 PM


Lets bring this back.....


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Castle
NPCs  (Minor)   (Technical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-11 05:50 PM
this i really neat, nice 100 word treatment Go to Comment
It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-13 08:57 PM
Booooo!

"The potential to offend outweighs the utility" That is a slippery slope. After all it is part the speculative genre to push the envelope to an extreme so that the middle can be re-evaluated. I agree it was a tasteless and crass post, but not without merit. Maybe Censorship makes me a little sad....

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Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-07 01:24 PM
Great hook piece, well written with some nice turns of phrase, pulled me in and makes me want to read more. I have not read much superhero prose aside from the Union Dues stories by Jeff Derego, but it is interesting to see it mixed with this Nicholas Spark's style melodrama that flows through the delta writings I have read thus far. You may have a niche there. Go to Comment
Legacy, Part I - Goodbye
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-07 01:24 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Xaos Elemental, A Tale of Mysantia
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-11 05:03 PM
I am interested to hear more about this either as "How i used it in game" write up or a "What is the history of this thing in my game world and what does it say about my game world" type essay.

Critiques
First, and I say this with the greatest humility with my forehead pressed to the ground in shame...
First this could use a good proof reading and some formatting. Also word choice, when you writing epic fantasy is tricky. For example when you write "created the first nightmare." it is tough to tell if you are being artistic in your expression or if they literally created the first nightmare. I get that it is word flourish but still it is little bit of hiccup as you are trying to write this with epic and poetic language.

Second, as for composition what is this post about? Is about the wizards? No. But you spent half the post on them and then tell us to forget them. Then you do not come to back them at all. Stick to your thesis.

Third the weakness of the beast does not have an apparent narrative component. Thus, it seems to b arbitrary. When three times? Why exactly the same way?

Nothing but love the ideas though! Go to Comment
The Heads of Zaid
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 04:32 PM
I read this long ago when it first came out but got distracted before I could comment on it. I think it is great. I like posts that give you a past present and future, I like stories of culture, I like giant stone heads, I like monkeys, I like detail Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 02:14 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 02:07 PM


With the exception of "Space Trucks" this is almost a point for point rewrite of the discussion of space commerce in the old Star Wars West End games source book. Nothing wrong with that though, the cosmic era is about folding in things from other genres and the convergent evolution of speculative fiction.



But lets get down to the juicy details. How much space traffic do you want there to be in the cosmic era? I thought that humanity had not yet left the solar system in the cosmic era and the alien invasion had not happened yet. Yet you mention stuff "Most of the container ships are involved in terraforming operations". How many terraforming operations are going on in the solar system? How many people live an extraterrestrial lifestyle? Are they self sustaining yet?



But also might space hauling be more like log flows. Let us say you have harvested and lumped together using some sort of ionic net 400,000 tons of carbon floating about 10 million miles from the rings of Saturn and you want to get that stuff to the Solar powered molecular fabrication plant (takes carbon and then builds super strong material from the atom up) sitting behind Mercury. How much energy do you need to get that 400,000 tons of carbon there. With a geeky dose of planning and one good push, couldn't that chunk just move that way without a lot of course correction? How much energy and time do you need to invest in order to ensure that there are course corrections? How long will it take?

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Necrotrons
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-06 06:53 AM
There is a lot here and it is a fun idea: robot zombies or possessed supernatural robots. I like the idea of these cult members that corrupt machines. If I was going to roll up Cosmic era character, I might to for a parapsychic that focuses on exploiting arcanotech in machines....kind of like evil technomancer. Though I like the ideas alot this does have the cult of done feel to it. But you did get it out there.

But at a more thematic level I am starting to feel that all roads in the cosmic era lead to arcanotech, which i am worried might give the cosmic era a center or source of corruption, I always liked the idea of the cosmic era being a hollow vapid culture that was corrupt and awful in its very nature. But not because there was single force behind it, but because taken as whole all the petty feuds, egos, delusions, and self-indulgent conceits of individuals synergized to rot society. I like the idea that society had become corrupt just because it indulged its own group think, and decadent corruption of the cosmic era was the end result of this herd movement. I think the cosmic era value set could still exists without arcanotech, but theme wise arcanotech seems to be the root of many problems. However if all roads lead to or out of hell (river of souls) and that is your theme, ain't nothing wrong with it. I had just been getting a slightly different vibe.

Thought:
I know I rallied against it, but perhaps this centering, that the arcanotech is providing, could be defused by bringing up some of the other forces of destruction, and divorcing them from arcanotech. Namely the alien invasion and super computer cabal that is running society. If you take arcanotech away from those two forces, but keep them powerful than when you lift up the metaphorical rock in the cosmic era you will find several disgusting horrors lurking beneath the surface, not just one lynch pin of awfulness. Furthermore, if the aliens and the supercomputers don't have arcanotech than arcanotech maybe humanities trump card or nuclear option. Humanity may be forced to embrace (sell their souls to ) arcanotech in order to resist the rise of the machines or the alien invasion.

How does a necrotizing freeze gun differ from a normal one? Go to Comment
Derran Thurswrat
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-26 09:31 PM
I read this some time ago and I was impressed with it as an Oekakai challenge and with the choice of character here. I have read a few other things you have done and I think you a have real knack for painting the human condition into genre fiction. Go to Comment
Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-06-08 01:03 AM


Why didn't you like what I wrote, and I why is what you wrote you superior to my ideas? You should have critiqued it then. You should not have claimed in another thread that you have written something superior. What could I do to make something more suited to your preferences.....be specific. I tried to live up to the possibility of the flirting dress or at least expand on the idea, and I feel concerned that custos found it uncool. Please elaborate on cool. It is also BS that you didn't read the original flirting dress post and only my flirting dress derivative post, because the flirting dress and its abilities were not described at all in the post you reference.

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The Demon's Grove
Locations  (Area)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-16 12:07 AM
you nailed it,

the tone of the narrative is perfect, I enjoyed it.

Well done and more please! Go to Comment
RoboSports
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-05-05 06:50 PM
It is "The Champ" with Robots. Go to Comment
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