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The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 08:47 PM
Thanks for the comments guys, you brought up a lot possiblities I hadn't thought of. I wrote this in 30 minutes as dictated by scars's writing challenge, (full disclosure...somebody proof read it, though not very well and I added the title and summary after 30 minutes). Looking over it know the thought process is pretty evident, the first character is writing but has run out of time. I added a bunch details to stall while I came up with a "plot" The next character is getting impatient and the story ends without a resolution. So I really don't have answers to your questions, the bird men were born in the first paragraph. I could make some up, but should I? If the literal message of the story is about perspective, and personal versus societal truth..should I add a nitty-gritty?

Anyway I can add stuff to the idea section. Thanks again for the notes! Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 08:54 PM
Update: fixed the pronouns and the tenses...thanks again scras! Go to Comment
The Players Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:04 PM
This is a solid idea written in a straight forward unembellished manner. I like the directness of it and the bits of insight that you have into the patterns and needs of humanity. (Or am I just writing my thoughts into your narrative....damn game...are there insights or do I just see insights and wisdom were I want to see it)

funny and unnerving, Go to Comment
The Players Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:04 PM
Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-12 10:04 PM
Brilliant, I got the first one down, I had somebody else proof read it. So I only gave it one look.
Go to Comment
Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 05:57 AM
I just re-read what I wrote last night and the post is full of errors if with a third party proof read and some because of it. Would the goal of your game here be forfeited if we went back in fixed stuff, for examples "styluses" should be "stylus's" and so on. Go to Comment
Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-03 12:47 PM
Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-06-11 10:52 PM
New Challenge on his Front: The Oekaki Citadel Fan Fic Challenge: Pick a sub at random and write a follow up sub based on that sub. If you get an item write up a plot that involves that item, and if you get a plot write up a character and so on. Go to Comment
Hope Rexian
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 09:04 PM
Brilliant,

But what was the worst pick up line!!!!???!!!!

I like the two endings and the fractured fairy tale tone. Go to Comment
The History of Atheus
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-27 07:46 PM
There is a lot of information here, and presented almost a list facts. It lacks the narrative and personal strength of most your work I have read. You might as well put it together as flow chart. Something that might bring it to life, something that I know you excel at, would be to drop little personal vignettes about the major events into the text. In fact I am interested in the setting, and would interesting in writing up few such micro stories if you wouldn't mind. Go to Comment
The History of Atheus
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-29 08:49 AM
Updates: One monster after another, and mops and buckets Go to Comment
Atheus
Locations  (Continent)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-27 07:56 PM


You made me touch the dork part of me that bought the box sets in the 6th grade and the read blue book over and over again. I love this setting, it is bluntly and forcibly written in the GM vioce but I love all the little tweaks you put on the races, kobolds are orcish runts, goblins and dwarves and artificers. Great stuff



"Also, eating vegetables is seen as week. Meat is the primary course on the table for dinner, with perhaps some vegetable on the side or on the meat."



These sentences made me laugh out loud.

Go to Comment
The Wraith: Duke Levi Bosner
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-03 01:16 AM
I will check in with you game updates to see how this dude was received and used. I really like any write up that includes something as thoughtful as your intent and design section. Here are some questions you can toss around in your head

If remove the brainwash, or deprogram the character how would he act? Do you consider him to be a victim and if so how will you present that angle to your players?

Who calls him he wraith? Does he call himself this? Is it a title known to a select underworld few?

He would seem to understand human emotion, based on his social skill,even if he doesn't care for it. If he is sadistic though, than he is not indifferent to the feelings of others, indeed the feelings of other is something he would care about, all be it in a negative fashion. Is he particularly disturb or annoyed by those happy people.

Does he have a trusted staff or servant?

Who does he respect or who would he respect, aside from the Locust? Go to Comment
The Last Tank
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-27 05:55 AM

The ordering of the facts in this paragraph is of questionable taste

"When soldiers marched into the city, they were met with gunfire and home made explosives. This prompted McCutchin's infamous line: 'If they were hungry, they would make cake, not explosives'. Most of the rioting had centered itself around the Academy neighborhood, a predominantly African area. This had turned most of Academy and the surrounding areas of Visitation Park, Lewis Place, and the Central West End into an armed warzone/ghetto. The leaders of the riot factions were sequestered in Academy and McCutchin, having spent her last tour of duty in the Congo decided that the best way to deal with this sort of insurrection was a show of irresistible force supported by taking out the leadership of the opposition. "

I am not quite sure where the authors sympathies rest, there appears to be a slightly different tone in the first third of the piece than in last two thirds of the piece. But you tell a compelling story, and as RPG tool this is a piece of back story that could be shared by all PCs, something they could make allusions too.

Overall though this is good "essay" concise and with a narrative construction. Go to Comment
7 Things About Writing for the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-29 10:58 AM
Do you think George Lucas had one of these when he sold SW to disney?

I like Ted, and like Ted, would like to see more. I like the fluff paragraphs...and if not fluff then discuss the narrative goals which requires the setting to possess these features. Go to Comment
7 Things About Writing for the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-29 03:12 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
7 Things About Writing for the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-30 09:00 PM
This is a fantastic roleplaying tool. It deserves more of a write up then I am giving it. This sets the narrative of the cosmic era well above a justification for the convergence of genre, nostalgic extrapolations and specific media references that is much of the content. It deserves a longer commentary which I will get to, but a game that sets out to explore these topics is more than a game and it is more than fantasy and escapism. Go to Comment
7 Things About Writing for the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-29 09:15 AM
1. Everything is for Sale

At least until the alien invasion hits and the it is a flat out war for survival. Indeed it is war humanity is alway fighting via proxy. It is obvious that the A.I.s have managed to find ways to wed war and profit but what if war became less profitable. Would M12 allow peace to reign, all be it a profitable peace, if it made the planet more vunerable?

2. Life is Cheap

Yes because M12 has done a cost benifet analysis and found that millions of deaths now will save billions upon billions in generations to come. It is not so much cheap as it already been borrowed against by the powers behind the thrones.

3. Sex is in Everything

Keeps people distracted from the alien invasion...I guess...which has very little to do with sex...unless the aliens are going weaponize sex.

4. Frantic Pacing
-except for the alien invasion and the M12 conspiracy, that is glacial


5. Our Values are Antique

I love that your values stared with home and car ownership...did you vote for Ron Paul?

6.Nothing is real

Except the alien invasion

7.Everything under the surface is horrible

Yes, but as Cheka says it is a necessary evil...defeat the alien threat. So i suppose it isn't completely horrible. Go to Comment
Environmental Parapsychic Powers
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-29 05:22 PM
This is clearly written, well formatted and fun.

Are we thinking the pyro's just catalyze stuff to heat it up and catch it on fire, cause the way you seem to describe they are creating "fuelless" fires, which would suggest direct energy...something EMish. Does this mean they can create or channel energy? Could they make beams of light or gamma radiation? Go to Comment
Environmental Parapsychic Powers
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-29 05:23 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
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