Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Hammer Of Spirit Binding
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-23 10:05 AM
Nice item, I like the description in the "Abilities" section. Go to Comment
The Verbing Noun
Plots  (Hired)   (Mini-Campaign)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 11:34 PM
I really want to love this. I already like this, I already respect this and I am inspired by it. But I want to love this and I can’t love it because of some very clunky prose and poor story telling. There is too much cleverness, wit and raw intellect in this post to let it stay as it is. You must edit this, and by edit I don’t mean proof read or correct.

I mean you must take the twisty and beautiful game of 52 pickup you are playing with your words and deal them out so that your readers can at least know were five cards are at a glance. Once we can figure out what is in our hand just by looking then we can take time to enjoy the puns and the self-awareness.

The clever observation presented in the second paragraph above is that the use of the tavern as the birthplace of the heroic quests is a tired troupe. It is so trite in fact that the literary bad guys themselves realized that if they just destroy the taverns than Obi Wan will never hire Han Solo, the Magnificent Seven will never get past a pretty okay 2 or 3, and the hobbits will never meet Aragorn. But the plans of these forward thinking agents of evil was thwarted when the scummy villains realized that they need a hive as much as the hero’s needed a place of marginal danger from which to transition their narrative to places of true danger. So the bar flies among the villains tipped off the old heroes to the plans of the evil overlords, and the afore mentioned old heroes stepped in to put a stop to it. Is that correct? Go to Comment
Time Spent With Trolls
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-02 10:23 AM
Looks interesting, but sadly I am feint of heart, inexperienced and sane. So Troll hunting is none of my business. Go to Comment
Time Spent With Trolls
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-05 10:05 PM
T.H.I.S. has spirit akin to the naturalists of Edwardian and Victorian England but the write ups have shades of Diane Fossey.

I admire a departure from the listing of facts (juicy details in your words) format and the inclusion of a narrative perspective. Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:12 AM
Why are you not a fan of this style of sub? How would you describe this style of sub? Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:13 AM


I think the prose is strong and professional and the story has potential, particularly around Halloween. I enjoyed the phraseology and admired the word choice. But the story is really about the Deni and Billy characters, while the post claims to be about headless motorcycle man. We don’t have a backstory for the ghost characters. The post-script also asserts that the focus of this story is on the motorcycle man and attempts to describes the use of the motorcycle man in game. The content does not fully equip a storyteller or game master to use this work, you have an idea here, a plot, but you don’t have a complete story or a completely developed NPC.



The assertion that the resolution of this conflict should be system specific would only be true for the most sophomoric of gamers. Imagine if halfway through your story Billy pulls out his holy symbol banishes the undead then gets in the car and moves on. That is not resolution. And above we don’t have resolution for the ghost characters. I know gamers that would be satisfied with that, but I don’t play with them.



Summary: All the details of the story are great but have you really expanded up on the content beyond “The restless spirit of a leather glad biker straight from central casting searches the back roads for the ghost of the woman that cut off his member”? As a piece of inspiration this is great, as a gaming resource it offers little because it has neither backstory nor resolution. As “draw it with crayon” camp says it lacks the “juicy details”.

Go to Comment
Queen Nekcrola the 47th (a Tale of Mysantia)
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-15 06:19 PM
I like it, the prose starts out witty and cheeky, but it seems like you run out steam towards the end and just start listing things. Overall nice sub, that describes its subject as much by tone as by the facts listed. This was a fun read. Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 12:53 PM


Does the book measure the height and angle of the reader's forehead to help determine racial purity of its readers? And why only white males...women loved Hitler.



Subplot...the neo-nazi camp comes across a book written by the ghostly hand of Chamberlin. They pass this book onto the PCs and suddenly our heros find themselves make all kinds of compromises.

Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 06:53 PM
If you are not looking for validation than it doesn't matter what people think of your subs.You fit in fine as far as I concerned, and I do pity you and I do validate you. I thought my Chamberlin comment was funny, and low be you in my estimation for not giving me even a snicker or disgusted eye roll. People commented on this in generally positive light. Shame on you for trying to shame us by asserting that we are shunning or excluding if you had any of emotion you assert that you are having you would have gone away quietly and not left this -I just don't belong note-. Furthermore, I want to call your hand I will make a better case that I don't belong here and you do. Let me know if you are playing! Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 10:43 PM


Lets bring this back.....


Go to Comment
It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-13 07:57 PM
Booooo!

"The potential to offend outweighs the utility" That is a slippery slope. After all it is part the speculative genre to push the envelope to an extreme so that the middle can be re-evaluated. I agree it was a tasteless and crass post, but not without merit. Maybe Censorship makes me a little sad....

Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 01:07 PM


With the exception of "Space Trucks" this is almost a point for point rewrite of the discussion of space commerce in the old Star Wars West End games source book. Nothing wrong with that though, the cosmic era is about folding in things from other genres and the convergent evolution of speculative fiction.



But lets get down to the juicy details. How much space traffic do you want there to be in the cosmic era? I thought that humanity had not yet left the solar system in the cosmic era and the alien invasion had not happened yet. Yet you mention stuff "Most of the container ships are involved in terraforming operations". How many terraforming operations are going on in the solar system? How many people live an extraterrestrial lifestyle? Are they self sustaining yet?



But also might space hauling be more like log flows. Let us say you have harvested and lumped together using some sort of ionic net 400,000 tons of carbon floating about 10 million miles from the rings of Saturn and you want to get that stuff to the Solar powered molecular fabrication plant (takes carbon and then builds super strong material from the atom up) sitting behind Mercury. How much energy do you need to get that 400,000 tons of carbon there. With a geeky dose of planning and one good push, couldn't that chunk just move that way without a lot of course correction? How much energy and time do you need to invest in order to ensure that there are course corrections? How long will it take?

Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 01:14 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-06-08 12:03 AM
Why didn't you like what I wrote, and I why is what you wrote you superior to my ideas? Or at least if not superior, what could I do to make something more suited to your preferences.....be specific. I tried to live up to the possibility of the flirting dress or at least expand on the idea, and I feel concerned that custos found it uncool. Please elaborate on cool. Go to Comment
The Demon's Grove
Locations  (Area)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-15 11:07 PM
you nailed it,

the tone of the narrative is perfect, I enjoyed it.

Well done and more please! Go to Comment
RoboSports
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-05-05 05:50 PM
It is "The Champ" with Robots. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 08:30 PM
It is interesting her experiences with animal intellect or so liberating, I am not a behaviorist, but I believe most (most) animal emotions are varying degrees of discomfort. A chapter told entirely from the animal perspective would be interesting, she has written books but only really alluded to the animal experiences. You touched on it a bit with her dog days in the city. But if the animal experiences are what is most important to her why the laundry list of events related to her human acquaintances? Do you intend for us to doubt the narrator's self-knowledge? Go to Comment
Yarnuks
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-21 07:50 PM


Sci-fi spell jammers in the deep. I love it. I think we discussed this before in chat: but i like the idea of these beings, and I think it adds different dimension of the setting. By writing from the perspective of one these beings you could use more hard science in you descriptions of life forms and structures. For example you could discuss things in terms of wavelength and ionic attractions ( stuff a being from a crashed spaceship could be aware of), and just having these in the setting expands the setting immensely.



The write up is a little terse. Almost like bullet points. What happened the Valadaar of six or eight years ago that opened up his posts with little in-world first person vignettes?

Go to Comment
Yarnuks
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-22 07:01 AM


Check out the Vorrkush sub



It is another mystical deep dwelling arthropod of Decathros with a Lovecraft vibe.

Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 08:24 PM
I read this one a couple of days ago, it kind of reads like a laundry list of events, but it is missing any real meat to it. Go to Comment
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