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Infestation
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-06 06:59 AM


After a single read through I think this is an exceptional submission, and I am so very grateful you put it up here. I think this is the right length and style (first person, creepy) for one of those on-line flash fiction contests that several of the paying on-line fiction markets run. The prose is so strong in this and the descriptions so completely awful (in the way I am sure they were intended) that I don't have enough praise for the writing except to say "Boil into shot glass" maybe me a little ill.



One thought: The timing between the second and third paragraph seems a little off. Consider



I struggled feebly through out the night, working them off, scoring deep abrasions on the back of my hands, my heels. At dawn, I managed to come to my feet, my knees as solid as gelatin.



Then end paragraph and go into the description of the worms into the walls.



I am impressed, and entertained and again thanks

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Infestation
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-07 10:33 AM
Nematodicon....goddamn it, now I am going to embarrass myself trying to work that into conversation. Go to Comment
The Light and His Lady
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-08 04:40 PM
Are we supposed to read these as facts or a guiding mythos for the world...how do the people of the world view it? Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-06 07:24 AM
This is why society needs a dedicated system for the placements of orphans into foster care. If left on their own all orphans will become vigilantes, assassins or time traveling crime lords.

So he is famous?

I really like the sword that he carries that is waiting for blood. You should totally write a Haiku about that and put it in the teaser. I like the picture too, makes him look young and innocent. Did you draw that? Go to Comment
A Grave Problem
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 04:40 PM
This is a great post, remind me of the adventure seeds in the back of Blue paperback Expert D&D manual from 6th grade. I love open ended pieces like this.

A byte size piece of Internet RPG intellectual property. Go to Comment
Apocalyptic Vampires
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-16 09:46 PM
Huh? Intra-dimensional vampire cheerleaders of the apocalypse...is there a deeper metaphor here.... Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:18 PM
I think rather highly of this one.

Did you ever see Amos Perros, with the street urchin hit man with all the stray dogs? He was the best part of an overly ponderous movie about dogs.


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Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:38 PM
As stew on this one more, I grow more fond of it.

The idea of a cheap and effective assassin is so ripe with story telling potential. Imagine if while in a bad mood you run across this guy. For a coke and a bag of chips this guy will go kill the object of your aggression. But once you calm down, how do you take it back? He is homeless after all you can't just call him up or wait outside his house. Do you even take this homeless guy seriously when he says
"I will kill the guy the guys that took your parking space."?

The devil could not ask for better servant than one that empowers or lowest instincts.

Imagine if this guy had the power to off those that offended you on the internet?

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Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Artan Keybreaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:10 PM
Another wickedly cultured killer, a fun play on this trope of dastardly dangerous yet dapper would be to write a finishing school for killers. . .perhaps something french...then you could throw in a Pygmalion element in there and have of one of the trainers fall in love with a recruit once he/she transitions from feral killer to a wine sipping stylish slayer.*


As to this particular dwarven incarnation of the smooth criminal, I like the bits and pieces you have put together here. The superstitions (or are they?), pro-establishment justifications of his actions and the descriptions of his weapons (that peter pan trap dagger he has is really cool).

What is interesting is that your write up suggests he was raised in high society, but he dissliked by most of his kind. This would suggest that high dwarven society is very undwarven. You given us bit of the Continental fop archetype: soft hands, likes the arts, wine....etc. In gilded age america you could very well suggest that high society was unamerican in that it emulated european culture, but can you do the same for the dwarves. Where did the dwarves develop this foppish standard for their 400? Don't tell me rich dwarven heiress will be marrying titled but penniless Elves.






*Le Femme Nikita Go to Comment
Buluc, death priest of Rope Woman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:09 AM
A lot come through in this one, we learn that the Kanaarites have a fairly sophisticated culture in that their society supports Judges, historians, markets, socially acceptable honor suicides, and it is implied that there is great deal of personal privacy. The ala cart nature of the gods in this culture is again re-enforced. A ton of information


I guess the other members of the order are not priests, but what do they get of they get out of this religion? Do seem them as getting paid for these kills? Does the money get passed up to Buluc?

At any rate I got a lot out of these 500 words.

But perhaps you could write the order of the rope, history, theology, practices, cultural and then do one on Buluc where more of his personality and/or history. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 06:01 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 11:20 PM
I copied it into word before I read it. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 05:55 PM
There is a nice tight conveyance of information in the first paragraph. You describe a lot about the nature of the world’s magic and peoples relationship with it in the first paragraph.

In the second paragraph you could add one little tiny line about what makes Rye a talented murder.

“Rye had a strong stomach for the suffering of others and ability to completely suppress any feelings of hesitation or doubt when his own interests were on the line.”

Or

“Rye was the perfect combination of self loathing, confidence and empathy. He understood people, did not shy away from the difficult and didn’t feel that his own life or the lives of others was worth second thought. The high-risk world or professional killer seemed to be the perfect career choice to him.”
If you don’t want to take anything out don’t worry about it. You are already over 500 words and I would be interested to find out more about this character and how you envisioned him.

I really like the end, where he dies for love (his version of love), but comes back. The end kind of reminds me of that old morality problem about the adulterous woman murdered on the bridge. Who does Rye think of as his nemesis now? Is it the waitress that rebuffed him? Is it her husband that caused to rebuff him? Is it the party that caught him? Or the hangman that executed him?

You could have it set up where the risen Rye kills these people in turn. And the PCs have to deduce who it might be committing these murders…”that randy drunk with metal claws has returned”.

Having to deduce who it is will give the PCs more of a chance to use the backstory you have written. Because it would be ashame to have a whole character backstory, but all he is just a re-occurring combat encounter.
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Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:31 PM
Update: Instead of a picture I added stats. Used http://www.myth-weavers.com/ 3.5 character generator. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 03:53 PM
Ruffle feathers .... What is up with you and birds? Go to Comment
30 body parts for do-it-yourself Chimera
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-28 09:53 PM
12 year old me would have loved this list for hours, perhaps to the point of self injury.

Muro's is right if we put them in a table we could have all three options and perhaps we can put together a random generator.

nice work, interactive posts are fun, we could use more of them. Go to Comment
Skill Tabs
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-11 08:20 AM
"I know Kung Fu?"

There is something interesting with these tabs on a neuroscience level and then applied to the roleplaying. So to learn use these things Long-term tabs do they have to link that knowledge in with your existing memories? There are a number of cues that we get in order to recall how to do a task, such typing or driving. If many of the cues were shifted you might have a difficult time performing the task. (Try transcribing something via typing by typing in the air. Even if you never look at your screen while transcribing, you get a little disorientated. The same could be true for language or reading. You may know what a word means, but when you see the word out of context it may throw of confuse you for a moment.

Anyway HERE IS THE PITCH: what is the L-softs link the knowledge to seemingly unrelated material in your brain. So every time your roleplayer used his L-soft regarding automobile technology, he or she thinks of bacon, Everytime they use the L-soft to speak French they start to feel as if they are very late for something and get the sense that they have forgotten an appointment. You could not tell them about this connection at first, just remind the players as follows.

GM: Make a WITS roll.

Player: 37

GM: This room seems very familiar to you, it reminds you of training officer's house from your time back in the Corp. when you would visit her when her husband was away. Go to Comment
Skyhawk Faunareconnaissance Implant
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-11 07:15 AM
I have a story in which the main character controls his cattle through a device similar to the class 1 device. I just like the idea of dueling hackers trying to rustle cattle and sending the poor cows back and forth across the field. Go to Comment
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