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Perpetual War and the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-29 09:04 AM
Okay I read Ar'ael, and it brought nothing to this table. I was trying to engage you on a conversation on the themes of the cosmic era and how the absence of M12 and their political manipulations and motivations might effect those themes.

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Perpetual War and the Cosmic Era
Articles  (Setting Building)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-29 10:58 AM
well yes sir Go to Comment
The Other Side
Plots  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-07 05:51 PM

Critiques:




I believe the submission is miss filed, I think this a plot not a system. While it contains the fundamental description of a system it is primarily a plot or mini-campaign.  This taxonomic view does not effect my opinion of the submission nor, I believe, the submission's  relevance to the quest.  I think this is a well organized and well written story presented as a bare bones DnD style module.  




I believe in this plot their are several layers of conflict.  The direct conflict between the NPCs and the PCs is one layer of conflict.  The conflict between the cult and society in general is another layer. And the conflict between the ideology of the cult and ideology of the established church is yet another layer. I believe this final layer is under developed.  I accept that there is good argument that most theological dispute are held in proxy for other more deeply rooted economic or social disputes. I could also accept that religious disputes are essentially an us versus them dispute and theological trappings are unimportant and interchangeable.  Thus as the plot goes these specifics are not important to its progression. However, I assume that this post was written in part with the goal of exploring the theology of the cult.  I think the treatment of the cult and its values in the current write up is shallow and this diminishes the evil cult to a gimmick; essentially the campaign comes to down to "wouldn't it be fun or novel to play an evil party."   I see the underdevelopment of cult in two sections of this write up: first the amount of literal and explicit information in this write regarding the cult and the conflict between the gods  is sparse and underdeveloped. Secondly, the amount of time and energy dedicated to this specific  conflict of ideas and world views in the events and actions outlined in plot is negligible. 




With regard to the lack of literal and explicit information given to the cult in this write up this begins in section one with the recruitment of the anti-Heros in the sample seen. The "recruiting officer" states that the character have checked the right boxes with their violent and ruthless tactics but does not express the moral or ethical underpinnings of her beliefs .  Just because the characters are "evil" does it mean they are shallow?  Then again in the write up of the god, SE states that there is conflict between the gods of civilization and the gods of chaos, and even a debate, but does not outline that debate. However some are things are described very precisely, we have a few specifics with regard to proper names and event, but only a vague outline of the theological underpinnings that lead to those events. 




However, this terse write up would not be as large a problem if the characters were given an opportunity themselves to have this debate, to develop the theology and explore the values of their chaotic animalistic side versus the values of the structured and dignified side of society. The characters are at one pointed ask to recruit new people to their cult, fairly late in the progression of the story,  however as the story is written the major points made by the character's relationship to the cult is improved stats, wealth and magical weapons.  There should be a point in the plot in which the players have to defend their beliefs with more than a sword and a spell.  I believe that developing the theology of the cult and forcing the players express some understanding of this theology and defend will increase the player involvement in the game, the level of immersion and ultimately the game's significance and enjoyment.  

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The Other Side
Plots  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-09 06:12 PM
Nope. Dossta, I re read my comment and I am sorry. My original comment was unfocused and full of asides and ideas for the plot. It was also really badly written and I am dumber for having reread it. I tried to re write the comment, so it focuses only on what I thought should be changed. Go to Comment
The Other Side
Plots  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-10 06:10 AM
Et tu Strolen,
first my comment on 4-9-13 was regarding my own comment on this post made on 4-7-13, so I was calling my own writing horrible. It (my comment) was unfocused and rambling


I decided to try and make one point, so edited the comment yesterday. And the suggestion that this should go into the plot was a minor point that has little relevance to what I was trying to say. I am talking about the theology of the cult. But you are right the theology or values of the cult don't have a lot relevance to the actual submission? There in was my point. Go to Comment
The Other Side
Plots  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-10 01:46 PM
"Join a cult, Small steps, better rewards, before you know it, the PCs release a greater demon."

That is the idea. I think the idea would have more drama and be more engaging as a roleplaying tool if it was

"Join a cult, Smalls step, better rewards and before you know it the PCs WANT MORE than ANYTHING to release a greater demon."

One does not have the write up the theology per se, as we all agree the theology is unimportant to the plot. But what i was suggesting was the there be a line of information or point in the action SE outlined in which the PCs take control of the narrative and the cult. Alternatively, perhaps a point were the PCs have to make choice: great reward or advancement of the cult. Perhaps several small scenes in which the PC interact with Gods, one of the PCs could have the dreams about the Goddess, the PCs could be carriers for the spirits of the demigods. Because right now the PCs don't really have any interaction with the Gods, the demigods are summoned then leave the room (of course having to much NPC time is dangerous to a narrative). I am suggesting a scene or line of the story that causes the PCs to become invested in the cult beyond the stat and material rewards, and beyond the "well we already gone this far" argument.

I like this write up, I really respect and admire the way it is written, I said that i my first comment. I like that you have both a story told in an immersive narrative and the GM voice dialog about why and how the plot should progress. If I wanted to an example of sub with a great voice I would point to this one. I gave it a 4. I will give it HoH.

Yet ou guys are just being awful and defensive, you exaggerating things and setting up these false hyperbolic conditions. What I think I am hearing

"We are here to have fun, to much thought=less fun"

"I am not getting paid to do this, it is "

"You are obtuse (lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility or intellect ) and missing the point."

I think I get the point, in that SE is not just sharing an idea, he is both telling a story and telling people how to tell a story. I like the story, I like way he told it, but I suggest that the story would be stronger if there was more personal involvement in the story on the part of the protagonist in an RPG. Because right now in the write up it may the actions of the PCs the drive the plot, but they under the direction of the NPCs. And I am just suggesting, I am not saying…well I reserve my vote…or demanding you improve this. I too am trying to articulate an idea. Go to Comment
The Citadels Name Exchange
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-22 09:46 PM
this is a fun idea Go to Comment
Lwausf's Intra Continental Sling Shot
Plots  (Crisis)   (Side-Quest)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-23 07:45 PM
I meant this to be one of scras 30 minutes writing challenges. In that you are supposed to write up something original in 30 minutes. To be original it couldn't be a write up of some aspect of my standing settings or write up of some game material I have lying around. So sat down to write with a timer I used -stumbleupon-to get some inspiration and then I cranked out 7 paragraphs in 30 minutes. But when I was done it didn't fit any of the topic criteria, other than it was quickly written. So I broke up one paragraph, added an 8th and tossed it up here.

Don't know burrito bison, the bear flying craft were a gag used by stand up comedian working out of Ashville NC and the submarine was inspired CSS Hunley. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-23 07:08 PM
"Does your players treat your precious Npcs like nothing but obstacles, exploits and cannon fodder, whether they are gelatinous cubes or humans?"

No Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-24 07:04 PM
These discussion are difficult because I doubt any of you could agree on what an RPG is. Then once you have an agreement I doubt you could agree on what the goal of an RPG is. Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-25 07:29 AM
How do you know people missed your point? Could the case be that you missed the point of their comments? Go to Comment
But they're only minions...
Articles  (Character)   (Game Mastering)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-25 07:47 AM
It is really tough to read minds on-line. Go to Comment
Angel BioModification
Systems  (Technical/ Mechanical)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-18 06:43 PM
Lana is the gem of this one and indeed breaks it right in half. You take all this great material for story and bog it down with mundane gaming details and these weird facts you get off in folding into things .

"Worthington Biotechnologies would be later bought out and subsumed into the conglomerate of Gordon, Kingsman, and Thorne (GKT)."


I wouldn't say this anyone else: KEEP TELLING YOURSELF WRITER FIRST.
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Lawboon
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-21 08:54 PM
First I like the way you wrote this one, I think there are few clumsy phrases that could be patched up with a good proof read, those don't really set it back. Thematically the idea and the write up has classical innocence to it. The concept of a clear law and good opposed to a clear criminal element is so basic and lacking nuance that it is almost avant garde. It is like something you might find in a golden or silver age comic book. I appreciate how you left the details of the powers a little ambiguous, it gives the write up an honest sense of perspective and frames the item more a story telling piece than gaming piece. Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 08:47 PM
Thanks for the comments guys, you brought up a lot possiblities I hadn't thought of. I wrote this in 30 minutes as dictated by scars's writing challenge, (full disclosure...somebody proof read it, though not very well and I added the title and summary after 30 minutes). Looking over it know the thought process is pretty evident, the first character is writing but has run out of time. I added a bunch details to stall while I came up with a "plot" The next character is getting impatient and the story ends without a resolution. So I really don't have answers to your questions, the bird men were born in the first paragraph. I could make some up, but should I? If the literal message of the story is about perspective, and personal versus societal truth..should I add a nitty-gritty?

Anyway I can add stuff to the idea section. Thanks again for the notes! Go to Comment
The Nurendrian Truth Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 08:54 PM
Update: fixed the pronouns and the tenses...thanks again scras! Go to Comment
The Players Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:04 PM
This is a solid idea written in a straight forward unembellished manner. I like the directness of it and the bits of insight that you have into the patterns and needs of humanity. (Or am I just writing my thoughts into your narrative....damn game...are there insights or do I just see insights and wisdom were I want to see it)

funny and unnerving, Go to Comment
The Players Cult
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:04 PM
Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-12 10:04 PM
Brilliant, I got the first one down, I had somebody else proof read it. So I only gave it one look.
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Oekaki Writing
Articles  (Humor/ Editorial)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-03-13 05:57 AM
I just re-read what I wrote last night and the post is full of errors if with a third party proof read and some because of it. Would the goal of your game here be forfeited if we went back in fixed stuff, for examples "styluses" should be "stylus's" and so on. Go to Comment
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