Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Peristeronic Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:26 PM
I like these unconventional magic items. Using them requires more creativity than say a wand of magic missile.

But you too Valadaar, double dipping in 100-word and Oekaki... Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:28 PM
nice idea , Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:40 PM

This is fantastic. It is filled with desirous and vibrant story telling and roleplaying opportunities abound. I also adore the material aspects of the piece, the little sacred mirror thing, excellent touch. Makes me want to write fan-fiction about one of these guys.

I think the voice works. But if I were to step from this a bit, I wonder academically how another voice would have played. When did fantasy writing get wedded to this this gothic, passive and almost vedic style of writing? It works here because I think we expect this sort of long sentence passive voice style of writing for this type of work.

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The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-04 09:10 PM
Some nice purple prose, and a sort of a Lovecraftian nexus. I can see the miskatonic university department of geography mounting a expedition the rift.

There are some nice turns of phrase in here. Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-06 08:19 PM

So what happens if you enter the Valley of Shifting Shadow and eat the fairy cake?

"If I told you how much I needed this I wouldn't have time to eat it"

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Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-03 08:46 PM
I'd (real life or in game) start freaking out as soon as I couldn't take the ring off, forget the slowly accumulating cuts and bruises.

But if I was a wicked and charming man (again either real life or in game) I might employ this item when proposing to a rich widow.

Now if I was a Puckish character inhabiting a world with Duncan McClouds and Vandal Savages I might think it a gas to slip this item on to the finger of a self-important but other wise un-impressive immortal. Go to Comment
Pribnow Dummy
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-11-27 01:27 PM
Another nice footnote, I like the way you switch voice and tones through out the write up without mashing the information together. Go to Comment
Sanctum of Water
Dungeons  (Water)   (Puzzles)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-19 07:47 PM
This really well done, thanks for posting this. I loved and admired the way you presented this. You presentation is very linear, I loved that used two voices (the GM voice describing what is going on and the module voice talking directly to the prospective GM). Whether one likes this kind of skill check heavy setting or not, I think you put this together nicely. I would love to have seen how my players would have ignored all the obstacles and secrets and moved straight to the final chamber. Go to Comment
Col. Michelle Inoue
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:53 PM

I like this one, but what I like about it is less the character (she is almost all history and equipment with no direct view of personality. Very much a Scras character.) and more the glimpse into a world. I'm with Mageek, the use of Remora title was cool.

This reminds me of that god awful Battletech novel, "Close Quarters" in which the main character was a female scout who ran along side the mechs with a rifle and a radio (looking for the mech that killed her parents). But unlike this character, the battletech scout does wear a bikini (at least in the first battle).

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Brass Man
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-19 10:56 PM
Very clear and accessible, good one. Go to Comment
Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 01:41 PM
Never played final fantasy X.

This post begs so many questions. Here are my top five.

What is on Yuna's playlists. How does she wed her proclivity for serene zen music with her desire to play Japanese ska-pop?

What are the "best features" of the Japanese and american "races"?

What kind of research does she do-actually never mind that she can bullets up people's noses. What would push these very moral character to put a bullet up somebody's nose?

If she is terrified of cosmic horrors, does she still use her power to summon them and if so ain't that a little bat poop crazy?

How many scraps this girl been in, you attribute a lot of violent potential to a non violent character?

Bonus question: which of the five her board games would she prefer: apples to apples, scrabble, cranium, puerto Rico or Monopoly

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Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 05:25 PM
I don't know, is the cosmic era that much more horrible than today. Yeah you have potentially world ending magic and a masses of moral bankrupt sheep, but don't we have that now? We have boko haram, ISIS, crazed shooters, nuclear weapons, global warming and Donald Trump. We have exploitive and empty forms of entertainment and plaques of our making. Often it sounds like the near apocalypse of post-pertolem era put the citizens of the cosmic era into the mindset that they need to be a little more responsible and less greedy. Does the average citizen of the cosmic era live in reasonable fear of chthulu eating their soul or starvation or death through violence? Which is scarier a species eating star whale a group of people that feel justified in rape and genocide? Go to Comment
Freemium Economy
Systems  (Mercantile)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-03-08 07:20 AM
It is so hard for we Americans to imagine a world without money. I've seen it with writers who can imagine a world without money but then have trouble telling stories in that world without bringing in money. I am sure we all tried to a run D&D campaign without money at some point? How many players had a problem with it?

I think the Freemium Economy is very similar to the patronage economy which is how some historians I have read or listened to described the European Economy from about the 7th century to the 14 the century. I don't see a return to such a system unrealistic. I applaud the ambition and imagination of this write-up.

Minor Suggestion: At the end, you make the point about the patronage economy and feudalism (of which the patronage economy was a huge and unremovable peice, but I wouldn't say they are synonyms). That part could be written a little more clearly. Don't reference imaginary historical truths as if your audience was familiar with them. Instead precisely describe the situation. I agree with everyone, Star Trek wasn't realistic. You can't describe every complex problem with a simple metaphor. Drop the dance metaphor and describe how this system works in practice.

I would also start with the references to feudalism in this piece. Since this really is like a thesis: state your conclusion in the beginning and state your conclusion at the end. Go to Comment
Wings of Wondrous Power
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-18 03:21 PM
Half-Flying things are my jam.

(what Muro said) Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-01-25 11:09 PM
I love the approach you took with this, the journal entries and the complete "in world" perspective to both halves.

I have to agree with Muro. There was a lot extra verbiage that wasn't really descriptive, or at least didn't add anything to an already direct and competent description.

Suggestion: Redo the teaser, but from the shark's 1st person perspective. Go to Comment
Fuijin Kaze
Items  (Transports)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-13 03:33 PM

I imagine it doesn't fair to well in rough weather. Also I can see many scores of these being controlled by one central AI to move personal and material around a large complex. Because these are modular and available they could be placed into a large complex (such a shipyard or scrap yard) to supplement or temporarily replace more stable methods of industrial logistics. Go to Comment
Infernal Forge
Locations  (Other)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-13 03:38 PM
Tables are fun, seriously show me a gamer that doesn't enjoy a good table and I will show you a failed actor.

I can see how this was part of a larger post, it reads like a footnote, which as supplements for gaming, would apply to most of the stuff on the citadel.

But this is fun, thanks for writing it.

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Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-01-15 10:42 PM
You could/should make a board game out of skull-ball. Kind of like that use to come in issue of White Dwarf. Go to Comment
Sorcerer's Skin (Pants)
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-12-11 07:33 AM
"When Barkok the Laughing Mole finally laughed his last laugh, moments before his brain oozed out from his ears, via an insidious attack by some loathsome being the sorcerer had summoned but failed to dominate, his arch-rival and fellow odious wizard, Gezel the Skinner, wasted no time rushing to his enemies dismal abode, as fast as his gangly legs could carry him." This is a hell of a sentence Muro. You have pay attention to a piece that whips out the clause and mauls the reader in the first sentence.

But magical human pants (are they gendered?) is a infectious idea. The piece works an idea kick-starter, but I think you could have put your own punchline in without sacrificing the opportunity to hear the readers' punchlines. Go to Comment
Sorcerer's Skin (Pants)
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-12-11 08:01 AM
The difference between the journeyman sorcerer and the master wizard may often seem irrelevant to the mundane lay person, but to wizards like Barkok and Gezelthe difference is a mountain range covered in fogs of condescension and reaching peaks of magically inspired smugness. Gezel the Skinner was powerful, intelligent, studious, patient and cunning but he only knew other men and women’s spells. Barkok had transcended the need for repeating other people’s rituals and developed his own style of casting. Every master wizard builds his own style and the rituals and somatic movements are designed to match his strengths and talents. Most master wizards combine chanting with drawn or arranged runes. But Margehat the Plate Spinner casts spells by arranging finely sanded sticks and twigs about her self. Jim the Spur played the lute. Yeha the Dog Master whistled, and Barkok the Laughing Mole danced.

Barkok had an extraordinary vocabulary of movement, particularly amazing for such a heavyset man. He cast his spells with perciesely coregraphed movemts of arms and delicate placements of his feet. Had Gezel the Skinner succeed in his ritual and made his Barkok body suit, any one to wear the body suit would be imbued with Barkok’s full and personalized library of magic. The wearer of the suit would know in their nerves and muscles everyone of Barkok’s finely coregraphed magicks.

But the interrupted suit gives the wearer only half of Barkok’s movement. The suit still responds to the will of the wearer, and when man or dwarf in the pants tries to cast a spell the wearer’s feet immediately respond with a powerful jig. Yet the feet are only half the spell and unless the reader can accurately match the arm movements of the dance ritual the magic fizzles out ineffectually at best. At worst the bottom half the spell ritual induces a destructive and uncontrolled wave of magic, the results of which no dancer or wizards could predict.
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       By: Michael Jotne Slayer

The heroes are travelling the great seas by ship. One night when the seas are calm and everything seems fine their vessel is eaten by a great whale. The end? No. They wake in the belly of the animal, it is like a great cave. Full of wrecked ships and strange things to be discovered. Will they make it out alive?

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