Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Hammer Of Spirit Binding
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-23 10:05 AM
Nice item, I like the description in the "Abilities" section. Go to Comment
The Verbing Noun
Plots  (Hired)   (Mini-Campaign)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 11:34 PM


I really want to love this. I already like this, I already respect this and I am inspired by it. But I want to love this and I can’t love it because of some very clunky prose and poor story telling. There is too much cleverness, wit and raw intellect in this post to let it stay as it is. You must edit this, and by edit I don’t mean proof read or correct.



I mean you must take the twisty and beautiful game of 52 pickup you are playing with your words and deal them out so that your readers can at least know were five cards are at a glance. Once we can figure out what is in our hand just by looking then we can take time to enjoy the puns and the self-awareness.



But let me sum up what I think you are saying here:



"You believe (rightfully so) that the use of the tavern as the birthplace of the heroic quests is a tired troupe. It is so trite in fact that the literary bad guys themselves realized that if they just destroy the taverns than Obi Wan will never hire Han Solo, the Magnificent Seven will never get past a pretty okay 2 or 3, and the hobbits will never meet Aragorn. But the plans of these forward thinking agents of evil was thwarted when the scummy villains realized that they need a hive as much as the hero’s needed a place of marginal danger from which to transition their narrative to places of true danger. So the bar flies among the villains tipped off the old heroes to the plans of the evil overlords, and the afore mentioned old heroes stepped in to put a stop to it. Is that correct?"

Go to Comment
Time Spent With Trolls
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-02 10:23 AM
Looks interesting, but sadly I am feint of heart, inexperienced and sane. So Troll hunting is none of my business. Go to Comment
Time Spent With Trolls
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-05 10:05 PM
T.H.I.S. has spirit akin to the naturalists of Edwardian and Victorian England but the write ups have shades of Diane Fossey.

I admire a departure from the listing of facts (juicy details in your words) format and the inclusion of a narrative perspective. Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:12 AM
Why are you not a fan of this style of sub? How would you describe this style of sub? Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:13 AM


I think the prose is strong and professional and the story has potential, particularly around Halloween. I enjoyed the phraseology and admired the word choice. But the story is really about the Deni and Billy characters, while the post claims to be about headless motorcycle man. We don’t have a backstory for the ghost characters. The post-script also asserts that the focus of this story is on the motorcycle man and attempts to describes the use of the motorcycle man in game. The content does not fully equip a storyteller or game master to use this work, you have an idea here, a plot, but you don’t have a complete story or a completely developed NPC.



The assertion that the resolution of this conflict should be system specific would only be true for the most sophomoric of gamers. Imagine if halfway through your story Billy pulls out his holy symbol banishes the undead then gets in the car and moves on. That is not resolution. And above we don’t have resolution for the ghost characters. I know gamers that would be satisfied with that, but I don’t play with them.



Summary: All the details of the story are great but have you really expanded up on the content beyond “The restless spirit of a leather glad biker straight from central casting searches the back roads for the ghost of the woman that cut off his member”? As a piece of inspiration this is great, as a gaming resource it offers little because it has neither backstory nor resolution. As “draw it with crayon” camp says it lacks the “juicy details”.

Go to Comment
Queen Nekcrola the 47th (a Tale of Mysantia)
NPCs  (Campaign)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-15 06:19 PM
I like it, the prose starts out witty and cheeky, but it seems like you run out steam towards the end and just start listing things. Overall nice sub, that describes its subject as much by tone as by the facts listed. This was a fun read. Go to Comment
The Threat of Sugar
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Artistic/Performance)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 08:36 AM
This is wonderful. I love the way you presented the information. They style of presentation gave as much, or more, as the information in text itself. I can't give this enough praise for presentation alone. Go to Comment
Bishop Saul O'hara
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 02:33 PM
Really great stuff here funny, interesting and very visual Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 12:53 PM


Does the book measure the height and angle of the reader's forehead to help determine racial purity of its readers? And why only white males...women loved Hitler.



Subplot...the neo-nazi camp comes across a book written by the ghostly hand of Chamberlin. They pass this book onto the PCs and suddenly our heros find themselves make all kinds of compromises.

Go to Comment
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 06:53 PM
If you are not looking for validation than it doesn't matter what people think of your subs.You fit in fine as far as I concerned, and I do pity you and I do validate you. I thought my Chamberlin comment was funny, and low be you in my estimation for not giving me even a snicker or disgusted eye roll. People commented on this in generally positive light. Shame on you for trying to shame us by asserting that we are shunning or excluding if you had any of emotion you assert that you are having you would have gone away quietly and not left this -I just don't belong note-. Furthermore, I want to call your hand I will make a better case that I don't belong here and you do. Let me know if you are playing! Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 10:43 PM


Lets bring this back.....


Go to Comment
Castle
NPCs  (Minor)   (Technical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-11 04:50 PM
this i really neat, nice 100 word treatment Go to Comment
It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-13 07:57 PM
Booooo!

"The potential to offend outweighs the utility" That is a slippery slope. After all it is part the speculative genre to push the envelope to an extreme so that the middle can be re-evaluated. I agree it was a tasteless and crass post, but not without merit. Maybe Censorship makes me a little sad....

Go to Comment
Xaos Elemental, A Tale of Mysantia
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-11 04:03 PM
I am interested to hear more about this either as "How i used it in game" write up or a "What is the history of this thing in my game world and what does it say about my game world" type essay.

Critiques
First, and I say this with the greatest humility with my forehead pressed to the ground in shame...
First this could use a good proof reading and some formatting. Also word choice, when you writing epic fantasy is tricky. For example when you write "created the first nightmare." it is tough to tell if you are being artistic in your expression or if they literally created the first nightmare. I get that it is word flourish but still it is little bit of hiccup as you are trying to write this with epic and poetic language.

Second, as for composition what is this post about? Is about the wizards? No. But you spent half the post on them and then tell us to forget them. Then you do not come to back them at all. Stick to your thesis.

Third the weakness of the beast does not have an apparent narrative component. Thus, it seems to b arbitrary. When three times? Why exactly the same way?

Nothing but love the ideas though! Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 01:07 PM


With the exception of "Space Trucks" this is almost a point for point rewrite of the discussion of space commerce in the old Star Wars West End games source book. Nothing wrong with that though, the cosmic era is about folding in things from other genres and the convergent evolution of speculative fiction.



But lets get down to the juicy details. How much space traffic do you want there to be in the cosmic era? I thought that humanity had not yet left the solar system in the cosmic era and the alien invasion had not happened yet. Yet you mention stuff "Most of the container ships are involved in terraforming operations". How many terraforming operations are going on in the solar system? How many people live an extraterrestrial lifestyle? Are they self sustaining yet?



But also might space hauling be more like log flows. Let us say you have harvested and lumped together using some sort of ionic net 400,000 tons of carbon floating about 10 million miles from the rings of Saturn and you want to get that stuff to the Solar powered molecular fabrication plant (takes carbon and then builds super strong material from the atom up) sitting behind Mercury. How much energy do you need to get that 400,000 tons of carbon there. With a geeky dose of planning and one good push, couldn't that chunk just move that way without a lot of course correction? How much energy and time do you need to invest in order to ensure that there are course corrections? How long will it take?

Go to Comment
Civilian Craft in the Cosmic Era
Items  (Transports)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-04 01:14 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Derran Thurswrat
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-26 08:31 PM
I read this some time ago and I was impressed with it as an Oekakai challenge and with the choice of character here. I have read a few other things you have done and I think you a have real knack for painting the human condition into genre fiction. Go to Comment
Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-06-08 12:03 AM


Why didn't you like what I wrote, and I why is what you wrote you superior to my ideas? You should have critiqued it then. You should not have claimed in another thread that you have written something superior. What could I do to make something more suited to your preferences.....be specific. I tried to live up to the possibility of the flirting dress or at least expand on the idea, and I feel concerned that custos found it uncool. Please elaborate on cool. It is also BS that you didn't read the original flirting dress post and only my flirting dress derivative post, because the flirting dress and its abilities were not described at all in the post you reference.

Go to Comment
The Demon's Grove
Locations  (Area)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-15 11:07 PM
you nailed it,

the tone of the narrative is perfect, I enjoyed it.

Well done and more please! Go to Comment
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