Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Twin Blades of the Deep Sea
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Sentient)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-03-24 02:32 PM
I could see these as end game weapons.

A warrior or better yet a wizard quests to find these so he can free his love/king/mind and once he has them he is ready for the final battle. The only akward thing is he discovers the blades are two Harold and Loyd style smartasses. It would add a nice bit of levity to a final conflict. Go to Comment
Elric's Silver Hammer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-30 09:22 AM
I like the hammer's abilities, I like its origin story, and I like the history of Vallermoore woven into the description. Go to Comment
The Blade of Chill
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-18 11:13 PM
Rather than another magic sword, I would love to hear write up about

"monsters so bewildering that sometimes you don’t even know what just happened to you, or what is going to happen to you"

I like the idea of beasts that are more confusing than scary.

Go to Comment
Meta-Magic and Spell Components
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-12-14 02:37 PM
I too have always loved material components and I have always toyed with the idea of making a true meta-chemistry for them. For example Amber would present with electrical aspect, sand=temporal, blood=pain, and so on. Perhaps these materials would not be necessary for the casting of the spell, but would be necessary for the learning of the spell or the prep of the spell (depending on how magic works). This is a really great start, and hope somebody develops this more in the future. Go to Comment
The Black Soldier
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 11:28 PM
Nicely written intro
Go to Comment
Society of Brick-Brothers
Society/ Organizations  (Mercantile)   (Country/ State)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-06 05:41 PM
A nice well thought out idea that I personally liked. (written in GM voice with little narrative style) Go to Comment
Buck-Ogre Rum
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-10 02:52 PM
This is a nice set up, a solid idea written up very concisely.

It would suck if you drank a family member (plot hook for revenge quest).

However perhaps you could turn this around, and drinking the famiy member say a year after his or her death could be a funeral right? Go to Comment
Tower Isle
Locations  (Ruins)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 04:33 PM
This is great, wonderful description, and excellent base for so many interpretations. Perhaps the Gods were offended by the human sacrifice and cursed the lands. Perhaps the souls of the dead that were never properly buried roam the island. These angry souls may be looking for the descendants of the priests and leaders in order exact revenge. I like the idea of the PCs being descended from the lost nations and linked by destiny to the island is some fashion.

So many possibilities....
Perhaps there a is ghost ship trapped in a frozen firth, the tormented souls wait for release both physical and spiritual or maybe there are still men on the island. Living as nomads, eating seals, whales, growing sparse crops around thermal spring and hunting the fantasy snow beasts. This lost nation still remembers Redwald and waits for his heir.

All this said your ending leaves me flat. This is a matter of personal preference I realize. But if the PCs get the disease, they either get better or they don't, there is not an intellectual process to it. If the plot goes as you say with them being blamed for the disease, it is fine plot but it doesn't not depend on the Ice tower island, and thus the ice tower become nothing but window dressing.

If the PCs have to solve the mystery of the disease then you might have something. They may not be able to isolate the pathogen from the victims, but will have to determine where the natural reservoir of the pathogen resides, then travel to it, isolate the pathogenic agent and design a treatment protocol (which in fantasy setting could include sacrifice and ritual). The PCs might be better served by all this backstory if they play the detectives. It might be more interesting if the PCs are the agents of the mob, government or the underworld and they have to find where the disease came from. Thus they will have to learn the story Redwald and the Isle of Ice.

Overall great location....and I voted on it as a location. Go to Comment
The Whalebone Forest
Locations  (Ruins)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-20 02:21 PM
I love this. I love every choice you made when writing this. This perfect. Go to Comment
The Supreme Order of Kren
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-06 03:06 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Bosques
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Area)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-09 10:10 PM
I think this is good candidate for your hundred word treatment. I also think you would get further at communicating the nature of these people you envisioned if you used the same number of words to write a short story about an encounter with the Bosques. I have to assume that you imagined more to these people then what is listed. They are a nice enough idea, but it lacks any real imagery or transporting detail.

The first paragraph list a bunch of facts, but has no hook. I will follow the link, but still just a bunch of facts that suggest a larger world. This is a plus I find, in that it gives the post the feel of in an game write up or an in world voice. So that is nice.

The second paragraph I think should be switched with the third paragraph. It would explain why they had no magic and it would assert that the culture came before the location. If you want to assert some other relationship between the culture and the location than you should do so.

The second half of the third paragraph should be its own paragraph as it is making an additional point. You then state that Bosques have a "stoic discipline". So I guess that being named after a lazy meandering river was undeserved and that this stoic discipline does not extend to vivacious swooning women.

The rest of the information is also rather sparse, if this was part of a list of cultures, than perhaps that would justify its brevity. Go to Comment
The creatures of Thanethia.
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-06-11 11:48 PM
It is just simple list, but a good one. I agree with Moon, this seems more like an out line or notes on subs to write. Go to Comment
The Leviathan Pool
Locations  (Area)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-09 07:34 PM
a nice and original piece of scenery Go to Comment
Simeon the Caretaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-13 01:59 PM
The roleplaying notes add quite a bit to it. This man could slip in anywhere. Go to Comment
Simeon the Caretaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 09:07 PM
"...Simeon has had his way with the better looking women who have come across his slab. This was how he managed to go from being the gravedigger in the township to sitting on the town council."

nice one,
Go to Comment
Buzzards Bay
Locations  (City)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2011-01-31 09:45 PM
Nice, it is as good a backstory for a wretched hive of scum and villainy that I have ever read. I like the focus on economic forces. Go to Comment
Rod of Age Switching.
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-06-11 11:58 PM
I like the flippant tone and the physical description of the item. The tone adds an often subtle nature of evil, an example of the banality of evil. A smart write up to a very simple item. Go to Comment
The Azure Comet Mercenary Guild
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-01 01:36 PM
What scras said. Go to Comment
The Knights of Mercy and Grace
Society/ Organizations  (Combative)   (Country/ State)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-05 02:55 PM

God damn this is good. Yet even now though I can still see the gaps that AG was critizing back in 06.  For example what is Bahara’hara’raha or was the Queen actually undead?  At any rate, I don't think those need be weakness, I think great RPG fiction is a jumping of point of the readers ideas.  Great world building hints at depth and back story.  This does that so well, it makes me want to play and write. 

I really can't say enough good things about it.  

Go to Comment
Captain Wandern
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-13 12:52 PM
This was a quick toss off, well written and cute, and I was drawn into the character immediately. But then he never showed up.

It is okay for a minor character,
but most GMs already have shatner in their pockets. A few magic items and a barebone catalog of military service are not very enlightening points nor are they great launch pads for in character roleplaying. Go to Comment
Total Comments:

Join Now!!

Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2