A nice enough straight forward plot, nothing really wrong with it, but nothing to really draw you in. A reasonable honest group of PCs could get through this whole adventure with two roll playing encounters and a spot/search check. Getting the item out could prove a challenge, but an experinced group of gamers should move straight through that.
Disclaimer: I strongly dislike the proclivity in media to portray developmentally dissabled people or autistic individuals as child-like. Developmentally disable people often do present many traits that appear child-like; a dependence on routine, an enthusiasm for what we might consider unsophisticated pleasures such as simple Christmas or Easter games or self-centered behavior, but it unfair to call them six year olds. I think it is more nuanced than that and I think those nuances are important. To ignore them is to be disrespectful.
That said, solid NPC, represents the danger of munchkin characters no? I also liked the story of the demon entering the mind and not finding a route for corruption, really good that part. I think this mage school you are describing here could be something excellent.Go to Comment
I like this one, nice lead in, fun plot-going to planet with that kind of write up will certainly get the PCs interested-classic drama, not a lot of character details but that just makes things more flexable and there is actually a lot detail here.
The only I would ask for would be a little more description of the Sneel themselves and what their home world might look and feel like.
I like the idea of mystical dancers roaming the country side of the fringe of society, it has very celtic-fairy-folk feel about it. But for all the stuff you have going here, you fail develop any of it. The narrative and the idea have no personality other broad strokes of victim and predator. Also, the Staff of Destiny, even in a short narrative such as yours, I feel a little cheated when a proper noun item turns that turns out to be game changer was only mentioned asides.