Strolen\s Citadel content. 
General Posting Advice
Articles  (Resource)   (Citadel Help)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-11 08:26 PM
As writing advice goes this is better than most. It is both supportive of writing and logical. You don't discuss perspective however? I am sure that is deliberate, but I am not sure why.

This said nicely.
- Logic: pretend your piece is any argumentative essay. Can someone see holes in your arguments?
- Clarity: are what you wrote conveying what you meant to say?
- Completeness: any aspects in your piece that begs the questions of Who, How, Why? Go to Comment
Brothels and Intrigues
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-03-27 06:58 PM
Perhaps you should write the adventure starting with the first encounter. If you have a stable group....I believe there is something about the demographic of roleplayers, the majority of them are 10 mins away from personal crisis at all can have the initial encounter with the plan that it will later become relevant during second encounter. So here you have two encounters and one plot line spread over a long chunk of time with the PCs being central to the plot line. More than half the roleplaying plots should use similiar model. However here you also have two very underdeveloped encounters and one central idea which is very strong. I think it still needs work, but it also worth working on. Go to Comment
Murphy Cannon
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-06 10:20 AM
I like the idea, I like the absurdity of it, but you could have done more with the potential pitfalls sections. Go to Comment
Vitriolic Key
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-03 06:34 PM
This is a very nice item with a strong and fun back story. It could also be something I am sure must PC would enjoy having.

How do you make the key?

Why does the key hiss. Does the acid boil easily? Is it leaking? Is it just to make it seem more evil.

"that seems to slightly hot and hisses when in contact with skin."

try "that seem to feel slightly warm, and hisses when in contact with skin."

and you write grand in stead of grant. Go to Comment
Id.Y-11 Heavy Tank
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-08-30 06:27 PM
Damn those rogue states, they should learn how to bow out gracefully when they lose. Go to Comment
Id.Y-11 Heavy Tank
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-08-31 05:48 PM
Main battle tanks are hard to write up and make interesting. But I think this a very good entry in the department.

First in RPG-war games this tank would bring a collective grown to any PC unit (which is good). Its terrible death and the area damage that death causes on the battle field will limit the type of weapons you can bring against it, its massive armor would make it hard to bring down and its inaccurate and destructive weapon would annoy the hell out of most players.

In a more traditional sci-fi game (star wars, traveller, star trek) this would really set the tone of a fatalistic military conflict and a dangerous frontier world. This could be a fun set piece or an interesting item to make your PC drive it.

In a dark comedy game such as paranoia, this tank would be a must, and it might throw the PCs even more if the tank didn't have an AI brain and a caustic personality...but rather the PC just have a big manually controlled tank/bomb.

On the whole it is a good write up.

Is there still no codex for tanks? Go to Comment
The Sword of All Swords
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-03-23 02:08 PM
The idea certainly isn't it the old man in the twilight zone who wants to have the bed by the window, those that want the One ring, the demon lover, and there was even a Star Trek episode about the sword Kailess that had this same basic plot. So this is not different than all those fables that speak to dangers of ambition, vanity and greed. Here it is just a really cool toy. The sword doesn't produce ambition, or have an evil agenda. The idea is fine, but it is not giving much new to a GM or player.

Okay so let us say that you drop this into your RPG group. I had an item like this once in a long campaign I ran, it was stone that instilled the desire to possess it in all who saw it (Dragoneye, Jack, SleepingBear or Lontholeo if you are reading this you should post your character's as NPCs). At any rate it became little more than a game the players had of grabbing the stone from on another. So this could be a fun subplot and it could also challenge the metagaming tendencies of your players. Because of course the party would want the swordsman to have it, but then the mage, archer or cleric may insist on it.

But once the player ID the magical nature of the curse, can they just ignore it? Because they will try.

Also would it be damaging to one's status as a holy warrior to use it? Go to Comment
A Cosmic Era
Society/ Organizations  (Technical)   (Trans World)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-23 04:16 PM

So what specific of roleplaying, narrative, genre, or style elements do you want to promote or explore with this universe?  

Go to Comment
A Cosmic Era
Society/ Organizations  (Technical)   (Trans World)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-11-05 01:36 PM
I was assuming it was a backstory for an RPG. My question was what kind of game play do you think your setting will enable? Go to Comment
Items  (Materials)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2011-05-26 11:04 AM
I think this whole post could use a little restructuring or clarification.

This sentence: " Any gown woven from Moonsilk will be so translucent that it will reflect the moonlight, hence the name "Moonsilk"."

Why the suggestion that reflecting moonlight is a special quality? Can't any reflective surface reflect moonlight? Or are you suggesting that silk resembles moonlight?

I would also suggest putting the sound making abilities at the begining of the presentation. That seems to be a major feature, I know you following a format...origin, appearance, and special abilities. But you could just toss something into the teaser.

I think this could be useful item though, any thing that creates noise, turns kinetic energy into sound or really any tool....would find a use in the hands of a problem solving player, a flashy creative-type player or trap building players. Go to Comment
Holding Back the Night
Plots  (Mystical)   (Side-Quest)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-02 06:59 PM
This a simple classic setup, and I think it is great. Go to Comment
Woolragon, Druid-turned-Poacher
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-07 03:23 PM
Really solid and well written piece. It gives quite a bit in just a few lines. Which is good. Go to Comment
The Seven-Fold Flame
Systems  (Mystical)   (General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-17 08:42 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-26 11:18 PM
Fluff text as compared to what? The facts? Fluff compared to the fourth wall stuff in which you are speaking directly to other writers or GMs? Is it fluff because it has perspective? How would you describe the voice or perspective used for most RPG fiction? This is something that deserves further discussion. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-26 11:20 PM
I like this one, I like the tone of the God, the minor details about its role in society, I wish there was more fluff though. Go to Comment
30 Uncoventional Weapons
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-02 06:42 PM
 Is describing how to stab somebody with chopsticks helpful? Posting the following

"11. Sash
A clothes strip that goes around one's waist, an ancient version of a belt

Can be used as a whip, a garrote or more creatively, to trip an opponent up."

borders on condescension.

However what makes this an interesting post and not a completely useless ramble are the little options after each post. I found many of those quite clever

"The beads on the abacus will automatically change positions to reflect the total number of kills that its current owner has made with this weapon." was quite clever.

Also Moonlake's post starting with meteor hammer and ending with blood droplet is quite interesting. I would like to see those expanded on. Go to Comment
Old Drozhenen
Locations  (City)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-27 06:18 PM

This hits on everything a sub should when it seeks to be part of world building. (well maybe not everything, but the style and attitude is right) This a nicely a woven submission that offers lot of information and facts. But what make this much more than a dry list of facts is that it described how those things are woven together. We get a flying weapon, we get a city of dour prigs, we get the important points of the city, we get a story of adventure from the city's past, we get a window into a religion and we get the busy travelers guide to NPCs...all wrapped with a bow on it.

We also get a ALOT OF PROPER NOUNS and GIGANTIC SENTENCES. I guess I don't know the setting that well but being hit with lists of names that aren't really relevant kind of pulls me out of the submission each time.

One thing that tickled me was that the idea of an animated weapon was not something immediately accessible to me. I got it eventually that this weapon files around and hits things with magical force, but at first I was just befuddled as I tried to figure out what you meant. Then later you chose to define guard everyone on the citadel is sure to know what an animated weapon is but guard hounds might be a little abstract.

"....unerringly sense when evil-doers, hooligans, or other undesirables trespassers are afoot. Men have been peeled off the very walls the mornings following night-time break-ins, crushed into pasty, flesh-bags filled with rattling and broken-bones. "

I can tell you enjoyed writing this.

Go to Comment
The Never Ending Hallway
Dungeons  (Any)   (Traps)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-10 04:24 PM
Why you should always carry chalk. Go to Comment
An Ordinary Flashbulb Camera
Items  (Other)   (Villanous)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-17 05:28 PM

This is fantastic!  It makes me want to run WoD campaign.   

Go to Comment
30 Quick NPC Personalities
NPCs  (Extras)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-18 06:46 PM
Nothing new, but like most lists it is very helpful to have it all put together and accessible; as it is here. It my not fit the closed circuit definition of what regulars think a 30 should be, but I still think the list has increased useful and I like it. Thanks. Go to Comment
Total Comments:

Join Now!!

       By: Agar

A possible answer to what happens to spells when a mage dies. If the spell is strong enough, say and enchantment or other permenant effect, part of the mages spirit may become lodged in the magic. It may be a way for items to gain some kind of intelligence, but a mage who has knowledge of this fact would be very hesitant about enchanting anyone or thing. He might have other plans for his afterlife than counting the change in your bag of holding.

Preists, I think, would have this sort of thing covered.

Ideas  ( System ) | November 10, 2002 | View | UpVote 5xp