Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Fire Flies
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-10 07:31 PM

I would have started with much more basic lead in, that explains you are not talking about the bioluminscent firefly (even though the reader already makes that assumption due to the context of the website). Go to Comment
Prometheus Amulet
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-10 12:13 AM
A room of veteran sci-fi roleplayers would have a field day with this one, but I think it is well written.

Questions: What does it do with the heat it absorbs? Does it shunt it else where? Does it store the energy? You suggest that it operates using external radiation as its power source. How much ambient energy is necessary to keep this thing running. It you walk into a dark 57 degree room with this thing on would it start lowering the temperature of the room so it can maintain its 66 degree goal.

It blocks radiation, does visible light get in?

Can you set it to admit certain wavelenths?

Would this be vunerablity? You could fry somebody with microwaves even though they are completely immune to UV.

This brings up another point, you state that it slows the speed of molecules coming through the field. In the vaccum of space energy is only moving in wavelenghts, it has no physical medium (the neutrino argument aside). Thus if this thing only slows down kinetic molecular energy (heat) then it would not protect a spaceship close to the sun.

Temperature is not good measurement of heat, you may want to discuss this in calories. Also Amps, Watts, Rads, centigreys would be better measurements of heat. The change in temperature of matter depends on its specific heat as much as it does the amount of energy it is exposed to at the moment.

Also this field, which strip things of their heat, would have effects such as condensation and sublimation when dealing with matter in different states. Wearing this field and running through Atlanta Georgia on April afternoon would cause it to "rain inside the field", further more if as you say, matter can pass through it, then plasma would pass right through. Depending on what types of atoms the plasma contains, this would be a dramatic freezing or condensation of material.

A field which can extract heat energy from matter would grant its users god like power. You could power a sea going vessel by moving sea water through this field, changing it temperature just 4 degrees and using the released heat to power the ships motor.

In a game world with stable physical laws, that are similar to the ones in our universe, this item would never work. Go to Comment
Prometheus Amulet
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-04 05:14 PM

Re-read it and re-voted.

Go to Comment
Grand Pyre of the Phoenix
Locations  (Other)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-08 07:51 PM
It is with great respect for the authors other submissions that I say this could use some work. I think I get the concept of temple and its various supernatural aspect just fine, but the submission lacks detail in both its descriptions and its narrative and the sentence structures leave something to be desired.

"In the mortal plane, the Grand Pyre of the Phoenix appears as a great flame upon the top of a rugged, jungle mountain, its vast purple flame laughing and leaping in place towards the sky from the ground, its great heat unapproachable, despite the lack of smoke." This sentence for example contains a lot of interesting information but it is jumbled together lacks a sense of perspective. How large is the flame? It isn't steady, it flickers waviers, leaps and laughs, so it is it like a series of little explosions? It would be nice if we got a sense of what it was like to look at the flame from various positions, you employ hyperpole and anthropormophic descriptions but they lack points of reference. There are other points as wells but in general I think the sentence are trying to convey to much at once and are so uneven in their treatment of the topics as to leave us with an incomplete description.

I like the idea of the flame and the temple, and as concept it works well, but because you mix a lot of specific detail in with the descriptions I believe you were shooting for something more than just a concept. I would suggest rewriting the piece either as a concept piece (a "how to build you own Grand Pyre" piece) or rewrite it as a description of a specific temple which you have in mind.

No vote yet. Go to Comment
Grand Pyre of the Phoenix
Locations  (Other)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-09 01:17 AM
Wow. The first two paragraphs are fantastic RPG chrome and the plot devices which come later are both accessible and useful: a person reborn with no or little knowledge of their past life, thats a classic. Go to Comment
The Holy Firestick
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-06 05:10 PM
An item and backstory I think most players would enjoy. Go to Comment
Ianna the Were-Mosquito
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-10-01 05:20 PM
I agree with Echo, a were-mosquito really novel and i think the straightforward writing makes the tone almost flippant and inspired more by the joy of the idea than the potential horrors of it. The playfulness is obvious in the descriptions of her transformation "why she rescued it anyway" and "sticky death at the spider's mandibles". But then you have her sister be brutually raped. I agree that a sudden turn from playful or absurd to tragic can be powerful (see movies such as "To be 20" , "Bonnie and Clyde" and "Once Were Warriors" or books such as "In Cold Blood" or "Lord of the Flies").

But how many imaginary women have we had raped so that we could provide a dramatic turn. Rape is a terrible crime that often goes unpunished, but it seems a lazy and tasteless plot device. Next time we are writing a story line and we need a motivation for somebody to take justice into their own hands let us try not to have that motivation be the sexual violation of a woman. It isn't necessary and can seem belittling to the crime particularly when the crime is mentioned off-hand in one sentence to describe the psychology of a were-mosquito.

That didn't affect my vote, but I thought tossing a rape in there was unnecessary. Go to Comment
Fireblood Elixir
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-22 06:10 PM
I like this a lot, good for your fantasy "juicers".

So if you take too much does it come out in you sweat or urine (*ouch*)? Would repeated use cause you to develop a type of anemia, in as much as your muscles and such develop a dependence of the highly oxygenated blood?

On earth, a standard which we need not enforce here, levels of oxygen delivered to the tissue controls the local production of erythropoietin-you now like cyclists use. Local hypoxia induces the expression of erythropoietin and this in turn feeds back to heamatopeotic compartments to produce more red blood cells. If for some reason you managed to transiently (or however long actually) increase the number of oxygen molecules carried by a hemoglobin the result would be an anemic condition (as measured by the number of red blood cells in circulation). Go to Comment
Fireblood Elixir
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-24 05:49 PM
I love speculative science, and Kassil seems to have a very clear idea regarding how this chemical works, which is fun.

So it binds to hemaglobin and then increases the carrying capacity of hemaglobin from four oxygen molecules to what? Does it have higher affinity for CO2 then Oxygen? I gather though once it binds CO2 it doesn't release the CO2. Furthermore it seems to also mediates the change of CO2 into elemental carbon thus the graphite (and buckyballs...I think you just wanted to use buckyball in a sentence) and thus produces more oxygen. But how many molecules of C02 is it carrying? Does it destroy the RBC when it done? How is it metabolized? Go to Comment
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-22 09:39 AM

There must a place for this somewhere in the gaming world. I guess this is just another niche filled, the baleful regeneration potion or spell was bound to appear sooner or later. Thanks for writing this up so we don't have to.

Go to Comment
Quicksilver LTCAM 4-12
Items  (Armor)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-16 10:34 PM
Increases skills by 200-300%, the ultimate power gamer's suit.

A nice enough for a super high-tech suit that makes its operator a baddass. It lacks any really details or backstory, but that is okay. It makes it easier to slip into any other gaming setting.

Go to Comment
Glider Bombs
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-15 02:14 PM
You make some good points, but nothing that I didn't address. I tried to address it more clearly.
First- a ten ton glider is big and yes it would be vulnerable to anti-aircraft fire. Also why do you think a glider would be slower than any other unpowered bomb?

There is no mention of stealth, but the lack of a powerful engine, the use of a carbon shell will make it harder to detect by radar. I think I noted that, but stealth glider could also be employed.

If you launch a glider from space, you may have greater than 30 minutes of flight time, but you are a right bad weather could reduce flight time and reduce the effectiveness of the weapon. How long does it take the space shuttle to land?

I didn't mean to suggest this was great weapon, but was instead a cost effective one. Sometime 40 technologically limited and easy to maintain tanks are better than 1 excellent but difficult to maintain tank. But often I think wars are fought by weapons that could be improved and are not the top the line. The point of this item was give the players something to interact with that was different than the typical bomb or surface lander, but I believe could have a realistic backstory.

As to the payload, the space shuttle weighs more than 10-tons, WW2 gliders carried more than 7-tons. Go to Comment
Glider Bombs
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-15 02:14 PM
yup-see game use. Go to Comment
Glider Bombs
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-26 02:11 PM
Update: Fixed some typos and word use errors. Go to Comment
Glider Bombs
Items  (Transports)   (Combat)
30 Servants
NPCs  (Extras)   (Domestic/ Craft)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-09 08:06 PM
The seems more like the use of a 30 list to tell story, not by telling a story, but by looking at the characters a Robert Altman movie. This would be a better submission perhaps if you wrote it as Laird's so-in-so's estate, all adventures big and small.

As it is those, it is a useful submission if you just want to staff a 1920s country house on the fly for one of your games. Go to Comment
The Hub
Locations  (TransWorld)   (Space)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-09-07 03:04 PM
I don't know if this is as much of location as it is a concept for a location. The problem with getting around space has been dealt with in many ways by the different sci-fi settings: you have Asimov's FTL concept, the Warp speed/time barrier concept used in The Forbidden Planet and Star Trek, Hyperspace, the use of Drugs to fold space and many others I am sure we are all aware of. Wormhole construction has also been a conceit used by universes such as the Space Rogue galaxy. I think the idea of the Hub in an interesting one, and it might be that various galactic powers each have their own hub. A Traveller may prefer passing through the Manchi hub because
" he likes the crab cakes- as opposed to the Far Arm hub (which as any Traveller knows, offers the lost common denominator of entertainment in every price bracket)"

So while a neat idea, this reads more like pitch for Hubs rather than a description of an actual place.
Go to Comment
Amber, Queen of the Whores-Reworked
NPCs  (Minor)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-15 09:26 AM

So was it the bracelet or the demon crown that made her evil?  Doesn't matter, I suppose when your character mirror mytho-historical figures the facts can kind of float.  It would be an interesting challenge for the PCs, do they save the Queens dignity? Does she deserve this?  Who the queen be once she is freed

Go to Comment
The Soli
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-08-27 08:26 PM
This started out really well....then a photosynthesising vampire......I got nothing against cliche but why does the vampire attack the living? This whole thing is just a mess,

a sunbathing monster could be fun,

people cursed to an endless state of sunstroke could be a darkly humorus bit of foreshadowing for a desert encounter

flesh eating undead sand traps are not without there uses....though wouldn't these things hate being buried...

so would these start their day walking east then around noon turn about and start heading west?

Also at least on this planet (and I will go so far as to say this universe) vitamin D is not produced by the sun and thus not absorbed by people. UV rays trigger the synthesis of viatmin D from cholestrol/sterioid precusors. Does this mean that the Soli also need a healthy diet of cholesterol?

So you got a lot potential here but no meat to it and a best this would be a minor addition to any game. . .which is fine if the idea was interesting or really tightly brought together. Go to Comment
Silver Snake
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-08-27 08:07 PM
So the plot hook for this item might start something like

"Call me Ishmaeal, when ever I get that restless meloncoly feeling, when every I feel like charging into the square and pulling every beard I encounter, I feel it quite restortive to sign up for a mining crew. It was in one such state that I took the fateful chance of signing up with a crew captained by one old and seasoned mining captain named Ahab. Blind though he was, having encountered a great silver snake of his last dig, he was still a strong looking dwarf of almost 5ft from boot to brow...."

I see why we need this in a game setting. Mining and the underdark in general, just isn't filled with enough drama or peril. When my players and I are having one of those secessions in which we are going through a detailed excavation of precious metals, I often can't find a way to induce tension. But by making every silver vein a potential death trap, the players will think twice before making another pick or hammer check.

This reminds me though

On earth silver is not found in veins generally. It is almost always associated with other metals or found in a silver nitrate ore. So is this post suggesting that silver viens are perhaps produced from the excretions of silver snakes like how the Shai-Hulud contributed to the production of melange. Perhaps mining silver would be safer if the dwarves weren't so regular with their hammer and pick strikes. Or perhaps the silver is the offspring of the silver snake, and the silver snake is just defending its children like the Horta. If only those dwarves could mind-meld.....

I also like how the snake blinds dwarves with its blinding silver orb eyes, not because it needs is so quick and camoflaged that it can kill dwarf even with his blast shield down . . . but apparently just cause it can.

Seriously, I am a torn on this post. Are you trying to be silly, cause it feels silly. Is there some context to this post that I am missing?

Go to Comment
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       By: MoonHunter

The Omen Star: In the West, in what appears to be an eccentric orbit, appears the Omen Star. The appearance of the Omen Star in the first house of the sky bodes "great things" for good or ill are about to happen. It is the rest of the stars that determine if it is for good and ill. Thus people are always looking for things to happen during the time of the Omen Star.

Ideas  ( System ) | September 11, 2005 | View | UpVote 0xp