Strolen\s Citadel content. 
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-14 10:52 PM
Seriously has this changed a lot since the original post? Go to Comment
Divine Gifts
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-09-23 04:46 PM
I am not sure what this about, you list the three gifts and describe briefly what went into getting, but if it is about the gifts then shouldn't we know why they were given, you have healers and demons revokers but what is the goal of the god?

If it is about Saints, should we know their stories? Is there a thesis statement to this post. You give us some details, but they are just details they lack narrative context and thus dramatic or emotional weight. Go to Comment
Tarak
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-22 12:15 PM
Nice use of a stub. Could rework it as a 100 word challenge. Go to Comment
Boots of the Asrok
Items  (Clothes)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-22 12:07 PM
Call of the Wild Boots!

I never saw the original but I respect and admire every choice you made in the write up as it stands now. The boots could be written up and used in a game with just the first and the last section. But instead you took a relatively minor magical item, all be it a dangerous one, and used it to tell a story. Nice. Go to Comment
The Songtress of Death
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-20 04:49 PM


I like the idea of mystical dancers roaming the country side of the fringe of society, it has very celtic-fairy-folk feel about it.  But for all the stuff you have going here, you fail develop any of it.  The narrative and the idea have no personality other broad strokes of victim and predator. Also, the Staff of Destiny, even in a short narrative such as yours, I feel a little cheated when a proper noun item turns that turns out to be game changer was only mentioned asides.  


Go to Comment
The Forge of Woe
Locations  (Area)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 06:57 AM
The physics and biology of fantasy settings has always struck me as an open question.

Do you have the basic elements be fire, water, earth and wind and the sickness ruled by the four humors?

Do you get into the alchemical world view or Aristotle's 'physics'?

Does employing hard science in your story telling get away from theme of your fantasy adventures?


I suppose what is important is that you have constant laws for the world, and laws that the theme of the world. I think, with regard to this post, this tells us a good bit about the world of Neyathis. Go to Comment
The Forge of Woe
Locations  (Area)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-24 06:58 AM
Reminds me of dwarf fortress. Nice idea, plus a nice well written little story, plus plot hooks. Go to Comment
Worlds and Planets
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 03:56 PM
Nice concise world that could be a starting place for many plots. Would love some art to go with it. Go to Comment
Worlds and Planets
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-08 08:34 PM
I love this. Go to Comment
Worlds and Planets
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-08 08:38 PM
Inner Light Go to Comment
Worlds and Planets
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-08 08:42 PM
It is fine as is, but no roleplaying notes or thematic considerations? Go to Comment
Worlds and Planets
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-08 08:45 PM
It would interesting have one of these dragon types as a member of your crew. Go to Comment
Tryvaard
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-12-09 03:21 PM
Old school feel to it. There was something about it I found very engaging and nerdiously arousing Go to Comment
Peto Specimen, The Bleeding King
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-20 06:54 PM


What bumps this up for me is the contradictions and problems that the NPC and his current situation presents.  He is a revolutionary and rebel who has found himself a leader.  We need more NP characters like this one.  Many NPCs "make sense" and would be stable and self contained until PCs are thrown into the mix. This NPC is on an unstainable path.  This NPC has a story cause you know he can't last.  Also the phyiscal details are over the top and extreme.  These are kind of physical details that help a spoken word medium like roleplaying.  



 



I think there some broken links and formatting issues that make the post a little incomplete. 


Go to Comment
Shaltier Gremtre
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-01-06 02:35 PM
Is death very fluid to those people? Do you need to start comments with "Consider this"?

I agree with what everyone else said. Go to Comment
Atal
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-21 07:46 PM


This is an exceptional submission. I found the overly wordy and passive voice in the "scripture" sections difficult to read but it was rewarding. I think the interweaving of this and the consistent and high fantasy tone set by the language and pacing is perfect.



I am very curious of what you think of this submission now.

Go to Comment
So you wish to be a Bard....
Articles  (Rules and Advice)   (Players)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-06-19 06:51 PM
Fun, even without the intro it reminded me of Chaucer. So I think you hit the mark. Go to Comment
Concerning Bears
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-26 01:33 PM


I love bears



 


Go to Comment
Concerning Bears
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-26 01:42 PM


But 



"Bears are unique in that they are slow predators, unable to mount impressive bursts of prey catching speed. "



That is statement is not true here on earth. For about 100 yards a grizzly bear, for example, can run up to 30-35 mph (look it up).  How fast is the average horse moving at a gallop? 

Go to Comment
Concerning Bears
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-27 04:43 AM
A horse that tops out at 50mph is a fast horse. I would say 35 mph is a fast horse. How long does it take one of your a horses to reach a speed of 35 mph? Go to Comment
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