This is an absolutely wonderful piece, both with regard to the idea and the excuition. I actually laughed out loud while reading it. Moon is right you could put this into any setting with a mystical component and indeed I want to changed my campaign worlds around so this store could fit into them. Thanks for writing this, I can't believe I haven't seen this before. What charcoal soul could give this piece anything less than a 5? Go to Comment
When worn these socks or stockings provide the wearer with a resistance to the temptation and experience of physical pleasure. The smell of baking bread will not make your mouth water, the feeling of smooth willing flesh under your palm will not quicken your heart, and a beautiful person spoon feeding you a smooth and creamy desert will bring you no more pleasure or excitement than the last spoonful of cold oatmeal your mother made you eat.
The effect of the socks is just an illusion, and your mouth really is watering, your hormones are raging, your pupils do dilate at the site of beauty and your brain is pumping out endorphins by the liter. The socks also have a limit and if the wear is sufficiently stimulated or tempted the socks will literally be blown right of his or her feet. Go to Comment
Simple bodily aliments have historically been one of the core uses for magic among the masses. Voodoo has charms for indigestion, sleeplessness, impotence and bad breath. Rake and new age medicine cover the same sort of ground using metaphysics to treat muscle tension and even cancer. And if you have any doubt about the desire of the medieval world to seek a metaphysical resolution to minor illnesses then look to the saints. The patron Saint of Toothaches: Saint Alena, Hemorrhoids: Saint Alexander, and numerous others were called forth to treat small pains. Medieval art produced enough depictions of people, women mostly, inducing men to vomit, and giving enemas that numerous examples still survive. I think in our days of ubiquitous medical care we forget how truly painful a impacted wisdom tooth could be without pain killers or dentistry. Constipation, cramps or digestive issues would be a major concern of any pre-industrial populace that had enough to eat and money to spend at a penny spell shop. For all this reasons I say a Scroll of Regularity is a an more than reasonable, it is absurd to envision its absence. Any arguments?
Scroll of Regularity
Be you a hardened soldier of fortune or a single mother raising the soldier's bastards, nobody has time for constipation. A Scroll of Regularity gives instant relief by mystically relaxing the bowel and softening the stool. Based on an Explosive Runes spell, all one needs to do is read the Scroll, and immediately they will void their bowels. Go to Comment
These small smooth rocks are each marked with a Ward of Fear. This ward is specific for rats, mice and squirrels, and each stone has radius of effect of roughly 11 inches. Any rodent that comes within 11 inches of one of these stones will be overcome with fear, as if confronted by a predator and bright lights. These items pay for themselves, tossing handfuls of these through out you pantry, garden or grain bin can save you fistfuls of coin. Go to Comment
Tired of digging for earthworms to place in your gardens or on your hooks? With the Stick of Earthworm Attraction you will never have to dig for worms again. Simply shove the tip of the stick into ground, speak the power word and wait. Within minutes earthworms will begin climbing to the surface and towards your wise purchase. Gather as many as you like, speak the release word, remove the stick and head on your way. Go to Comment
Echo wrote "In the vast expanse of space, no one can hear you scream; it is a place dangerous, the final proving ground, where on a grand stage the future of races is decided, often with coherent light and nuclear fire.
While those lacking sufficient might and unity to withstand an external threat often vanish from the pages of history, for some, violence is not the be-all end-all solution at hand, but a final recourse when reason has failed."
I think what you want to say here is that space is so vast (see Douglas Adams) that once warfare reached an intrastellar scale it was easy for whole races to be wiped out. That a single race can not stand alone against a whole galaxy of potential threats. I know you are also trying set a mood but the message is not coming through clearly.
Try something (I am trying to keep with your semi-biblical tone here): *On their home world the Kiranti had long ago put way the childish tools of war in favor of resolving disputes through comprimise and dicussion. As a result the Kiranti could focus the lives of their people and the resources of their planet into art and science. Once the Kiranti entered the galactic stage of intrestellar relations they first thought that Kiranti way was the exception and that most races had focused their energies on new fantastic forms of war. What they soon learned was the Kiranti way of peace was not the exception, but rather it was the survival of peaceful peoples that was the unusual.*
From there you can go into their early wars and their formation of the alliance and then Haven Station.
Again I think things you want to communicate are:
Space is violent and you can't avoid the violence
The Kiranti are not immune to the threats of space and they know it
The Kiranti prefer diplomatic or non-violent solutions to things, though they aren't opposed to violence. Go to Comment
I disagree I believe there is empirical nature to prose. Whether you prefer the sentence structure of D.H. Lawerence over Charles Bukowski is a matter of taste, but if we were to break down their work we would find similar levels of communication to the reader.
Though I may very well have lost the tone, and disregarding my rewrite lets take this piece apart.
"In the vastness of space no one can hear you scream"
What is being communicated here, and what does this phrasing seek to set as a tone? Does the Haven of Voices refute the above mantra by allowing a place where voices can be heard? These are things being hinted at but not expanded on, and thus lost. Go to Comment
A lone figure strolls out on to a grey field beneath a greyer sky, he vaguely resembles a once great rock icon who is now reduced to a kitsch mascot of hubris and the James Dean principal. The ground before the figure is barren and pock marked. He makes his way between piles of still smoldering conjunctions and broken down adjectives. The air is heavy with the smell of innuendo and in the distance he can hear the sounds of various insults, their motors still idling. He picks up a half empty case of punctuation marks and rifles through it. "Only semi-colons" he says with disgust, but before he can place the case back on the broken earth he sees something. There was something beneath all these broken and misused sentences. Bending down the figure brushes aside some dirt, and finds the remains of some ones good intentions. Examining his find the figure realizes that those intentions had attempted to ride onto this field upon untamed enthusiasm. The evidence is clear though, they-both the intentions and enthusiasm- met their end here. If only there was a place where voices could heard; a Haven for communication and the resolution of opposing ideas. Go to Comment
"The duration does not jive with it being able to survive long enough to become bleached yellow, since the caster will need to sleep sometime and that will stop concentration."
I anticipated this question. I think it depends on the system. In a point based magic system, the PC may just allocate a number of their spell points to maintaining the boat. I wanted to differentiate between actively concentrating on the ship, which was not my intention, and maintaining the ship through a focus of arcane power. How should I rephrase that? Go to Comment
All your questions revolve around system of magic and GM preference. I am not going to get into it anymore then I have.
But you did hit on thing I have wanted to improve about this post, as too spell "Maintaing" I did envision on ongoing pay out for a point system or burning one of the spell slots per day. I wanted to get at that without sounding system specific, but you are the second person to bring this up so I am failing. I changed it once as Manfred had suggested, prior to your post. What do you suggest I say about duration?
Let me start by saying
“vladimir ilyich ulyanov…V.I. F@$&ING LENIN”
Short answer: I was being sarcastic…sort of
At the time this was written, there was another guy posting, essentially trolling, (and I wish I still had his write up-in fact I will send him a PM maybe he gets email alerts and will get back to me) but this guy pointed out a series of events. Anyway what he wrote up was more or less as follows-
First MH responded to two comments I made (one comment I made to his scenes from a modern city-I don’t remember the other one). Then within minutes of responding to my comments on his post he made two rather angry tone comments on my post, he posted to two very negative comments on my two highest rated posts. They were old posts, not on the main page anymore, so he would have had to look them up. Anyway this third party guy, wrote a long write up about it and PMed it to me-Moonhunter and some other people.
I told the guy, his name/handle was non-contrived name (cute-huh), to stop messing with me. Because discussions about what somebody meant on a message board are generally banal. And despite the clear and convincing evidence that Moonhunter was being retaliatory or vindictive, there will be nothing gained by making a big deal about. (You have to own it Moon) Cause it was obvious this third party was just trying to stir up crap and Moonhunter and I agreed to drop it. So my comments that Moon was being vindictive was a statement to the moot nature of such vindictive gestures (whether made by Moon or by contrived name). At worst I have to ignore a vindictive post and at best, I respond to it and it makes my post better. But you are right, it is a distraction from the post I will remove it. Go to Comment
well the post does say flesh and bone corpses? How would you word it and what limitations would you put on it.
As for the spell working too fast, I do remember one time almost getting into a exchange about whether or not is was reasonable for somebody to move 30 ft and cast a fireball spell. Then it hit me....
Finally, I did envision this as a high level spell or expensive spell if you are using a point system. I tried to indicate that with the flavor text describing to obviously powerful individuals who out lived everyone else. So you think the sub would be stronger if I said this can only be cast by high level/power necromancers. Go to Comment
Ah when I submitted this on the Grey Citadel (bracket) strong (bracket) translated to bold but now on Sepia Citadel I have to go back to the old bold ....I don't even want to look at the order of the single cut. still need to change all the s to s. But first I going to go back up my old 3.5 floppies. Go to Comment