I thought the first few paragraph were very solid prose, not fancy or mind blowing but clear and illustrative. Also I think this sort thing a "minor place" is exactly the kind of thing one might seek another's imagination in order to flesh out. I like it all but it just sort of drift off into forgetable. The flavor the place never really gets out in this write up. You describe the place effectively, as if you have been there, but you don't take us there.
I get the idea, but the write up is really confusing.
"anything you don't want to keep others away from are kept in this chest." I don't think the word don't should be in this sentence.
In the first sentence of the last "paragraph", I think spy should be plural.
This is a good canidate for the 100 word treatment.
Darkman with a bombstick,
The mysterious stranger,
-hunted by a highly trained cladestine military team,
-traveling from town,
-delivering enigmatic one-liners to bartenders
This has been done and done better. The fact the people think he is the last of undead is kind of interesting, but overall no.
I love this, it is funny, complete, well presented and I love the tone in which it was written. Straight forward and without much flourish or hyperbole-I think that adds to the excellent tone of the piece. I did not vote in the zombie quest, but this post makes me wish I had.
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