This is very good, I like the three scenes you have painted in the description of this God or event. But it also a very ambitious work (to tell short story or relay a fact by presenting the information as myths and heresay from different sources). I like everything you done, but when if I use this I will rewrite it give the presentation of this information a stronger central thread. A over arching narrative to the smaller narratives.
For a holy item crafted by the members of a theocracy the moral compass of the gods and the relationship of the divine to the item rarely comes into this story. I dislike the focus on "spells" when discussing divine intervention, but I get the idea behind the item,
"it improves the wizard who wields it but makes the wizard vulnerable to the divine powers of the gods. " For an item that puts game mechanics first and foremost, it is just okay, not worthy of "fabled place in history"
Again pretty standard stuff, item of great power and evil falls into the wrong hands, there is a red herring and the heros must do battle with the villain wielding the item....but wait all is not as it seems the villain has been altered by the item to become a super villain!!! A classic really...
But again startibartfast you have done it with style. Well done.
Excellent, this is sweet, it has a varied tone to the write up and a great deal of depth achieved with a conservation of language. I could see using this as pit stop in Noir-ish style mystery. The PC may need some knowledge that only a man of the march has and thus have to find him and break his stride at least briefly-maybe wait for eclipse or something.
Once again we learn that the ticket to immortality is not worth the price of admission. Indeed the only thing meant to live forever seems to a be repackaging of that old chestnut.
Go to Comment
But it seems to be a novel mechanism, and that is hard to come up with since this story has been told from the angry and scared man-child in Gilgamesh to the ennui ridden vampires (the ones that didn't date high school students).