My only thought about the writing style is that the tone is not held constant. Cliche and poetic are fine, they suggest a time before the media over saturation. Colloquial and modern is fine too, just because were describing dragons, jousts or an iron-age agrarian lifestyle doesn’t mean we need to use middle English (or our approximation of middle English). I think the author was going for a classical theme here and achieved that in the first few paragraphs. (After all what modern man would name his son Gale?)
I didn’t see the original, but what I read today seems like a solid post that achieves its goal (telling us the back story of the dragon scale). Also, for the most part, it sets a mood and a tone.
This one fills me with the joy of writing and word smithery.
I can only imagine the joy you must of felt when writing such phrases as:
It covers many ursine facts
The two spend the next ten years passionately fornicating, despite all the taboos, hazards, and angry relatives in place. Jombel was a famous four hundred pound eunuch, known for his lascivious tales.
An egregious halfling penned this odd journal, which discusses in unecessary detail, what it meant to spend twenty years, living inside maddening walls of