Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Infestation
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-07 10:33 AM
Nematodicon....goddamn it, now I am going to embarrass myself trying to work that into conversation. Go to Comment
The Light and His Lady
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (World Wide)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-08 04:40 PM
Are we supposed to read these as facts or a guiding mythos for the world...how do the people of the world view it? Go to Comment
Xue Ren (Snow/Blood Blade Edge)
NPCs  (Character Sheet)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-06 07:24 AM
This is why society needs a dedicated system for the placements of orphans into foster care. If left on their own all orphans will become vigilantes, assassins or time traveling crime lords.

So he is famous?

I really like the sword that he carries that is waiting for blood. You should totally write a Haiku about that and put it in the teaser. I like the picture too, makes him look young and innocent. Did you draw that? Go to Comment
The First of Cities
Locations  (City)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-09-05 09:56 AM

I think you are being unfair strolen and I think you need to own what the site has become strolen. Scras recently wrote this about submission quality and he was paraphrasing another one of your luminaries Moonhunter.

"This is not a bad submission, but it isn't a good one either. An ideal to strive for is the Hollywood standard, as in presenting the item as if it were to be used in a movie, comic, or other entertainment venue. What does it look like? Who created it, and why did they do so? It is obviously a powerful weapon, and there are many powerful weapons (YAKAS - yet another kick ass sword), so what makes this one different?"

I am not trying to defend Morningstar's behavior or his "logic". Nor do I want codemn him. But it is wrong to suggest that this is a free-form open forum for sharing ideas. As you have said it is not "newbie" friendly. Furthermore, to tell Morningstar that this was "written not for him" is also absurd. We can only critique what is on the page. We can say how we would use it or we can guess at other uses, but that sword cuts both ways

Finally, I think the responsibility for the "usability" critique lies on you or whoever wrote the voting prompts. Saying something is useful is a coarse critique, sometimes applicable, but largely irrelevant for an idea guild. We should judge whether the idea is well developed, novel, well written, well presented and does it achieve the literal goals set forth on the page. After that, we can get into stuff like entertaining, useful or offensive.

You are right Morningstar is unkind. I have been dismissed by guys like him. (I always hope I am not one, but if I write one that looks like his just leave the comment Morningstar and I will change it. Though to be fair I didn't think his write up of this post was all that off base.) Yet I have also but also been pushed around by you, strolen, for being too "intellectual", "obtuse" or "critical". So my sympathy cuts both ways. . You, strolen, have put forth a system for judging ideas. There is a community built around that. You have achieved something here. I am not knocking that, but I don't think you are entirely comfortable with it. If one just wants to share ideas one could stick it in the forums. But if you want it to be judged you stick it out here. And you are the one that gave the judges the scoring card that read "useable".

Go to Comment
The First of Cities
Locations  (City)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-09-05 10:20 AM

Good post. It does have a lot of dry "so and so begot so and so" type history to it. It is also written in that biblical/passive voice, which is how we expect these things to be written, yet the voice makes the reading a little chewy. And sometimes you break from the voice and say things "take it up a notch".

But overall the voice has effect of making us feel like we are getting this information from an in-game intellect, so that is good . In the end it left me wanting to more about the city. It has this whole watery unground with pubs and warehouses. That is cool. I am intrigued by your setting. I want to know more. Is bluestone your idea or is that something I should now from other gaming sources.

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The Tale of Solomon Soulhammer Pt. II
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-08-07 12:46 PM
I like this one better than part one because we get some dialog and characters that make the piece more accessible and interesting. The language isn't as tight in this one, and the pacing is pretty uneven. Also the am I wrong or does the character of Ozur get introduced out of left field in a sentence that is already all over the place?

Overall though I like it Go to Comment
A Grave Problem
Plots  (Discovery)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 04:40 PM
This is a great post, remind me of the adventure seeds in the back of Blue paperback Expert D&D manual from 6th grade. I love open ended pieces like this.

A byte size piece of Internet RPG intellectual property. Go to Comment
The Tale of Solomon Soulhammer Pt. I
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-08-07 12:29 PM
"The problem with history is it is just one damn thing after another"

I like this piece a lot. I like the narrative voice, I like the use Balkan/Greco/roman locations and the story flows straight to action.

My only "complaint" is I wish the story was told with a few more pauses and a greater development of the setting and the character at this point in the story. But I only want more cause it is good. Go to Comment
Apocalyptic Vampires
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-16 09:46 PM
Huh? Intra-dimensional vampire cheerleaders of the apocalypse...is there a deeper metaphor here.... Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:18 PM
I think rather highly of this one.

Did you ever see Amos Perros, with the street urchin hit man with all the stray dogs? He was the best part of an overly ponderous movie about dogs.


Go to Comment
Mark Greaves, Assassin Hobo
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-03 01:38 PM
As stew on this one more, I grow more fond of it.

The idea of a cheap and effective assassin is so ripe with story telling potential. Imagine if while in a bad mood you run across this guy. For a coke and a bag of chips this guy will go kill the object of your aggression. But once you calm down, how do you take it back? He is homeless after all you can't just call him up or wait outside his house. Do you even take this homeless guy seriously when he says
"I will kill the guy the guys that took your parking space."?

The devil could not ask for better servant than one that empowers or lowest instincts.

Imagine if this guy had the power to off those that offended you on the internet?

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Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Freya, Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 09:02 AM
Another wickedly cultured femme fatale, the write up is clear, concise and give you clear idea of everything about her except what is it like to talk with her or her personal history (which I think in this case is not important).

I can imagine her OCD and desire for finer things extending to social situations as well. A gruff flippant ironicly dressed punk rocker heckling the models on the run way at a fashion show may really get under her skin.

I think if I were using her in a story or as GM she would be very accessible to the players, she does not offer us a lot of surprises, which is often handy for secondary characters. Go to Comment
Artan Keybreaker
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:10 PM
Another wickedly cultured killer, a fun play on this trope of dastardly dangerous yet dapper would be to write a finishing school for killers. . .perhaps something french...then you could throw in a Pygmalion element in there and have of one of the trainers fall in love with a recruit once he/she transitions from feral killer to a wine sipping stylish slayer.*


As to this particular dwarven incarnation of the smooth criminal, I like the bits and pieces you have put together here. The superstitions (or are they?), pro-establishment justifications of his actions and the descriptions of his weapons (that peter pan trap dagger he has is really cool).

What is interesting is that your write up suggests he was raised in high society, but he dissliked by most of his kind. This would suggest that high dwarven society is very undwarven. You given us bit of the Continental fop archetype: soft hands, likes the arts, wine....etc. In gilded age america you could very well suggest that high society was unamerican in that it emulated european culture, but can you do the same for the dwarves. Where did the dwarves develop this foppish standard for their 400? Don't tell me rich dwarven heiress will be marrying titled but penniless Elves.






*Le Femme Nikita Go to Comment
Buluc, death priest of Rope Woman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:09 AM
A lot come through in this one, we learn that the Kanaarites have a fairly sophisticated culture in that their society supports Judges, historians, markets, socially acceptable honor suicides, and it is implied that there is great deal of personal privacy. The ala cart nature of the gods in this culture is again re-enforced. A ton of information


I guess the other members of the order are not priests, but what do they get of they get out of this religion? Do seem them as getting paid for these kills? Does the money get passed up to Buluc?

At any rate I got a lot out of these 500 words.

But perhaps you could write the order of the rope, history, theology, practices, cultural and then do one on Buluc where more of his personality and/or history. Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 05:55 PM
There is a nice tight conveyance of information in the first paragraph. You describe a lot about the nature of the world’s magic and peoples relationship with it in the first paragraph.

In the second paragraph you could add one little tiny line about what makes Rye a talented murder.

“Rye had a strong stomach for the suffering of others and ability to completely suppress any feelings of hesitation or doubt when his own interests were on the line.”

Or

“Rye was the perfect combination of self loathing, confidence and empathy. He understood people, did not shy away from the difficult and didn’t feel that his own life or the lives of others was worth second thought. The high-risk world or professional killer seemed to be the perfect career choice to him.”
If you don’t want to take anything out don’t worry about it. You are already over 500 words and I would be interested to find out more about this character and how you envisioned him.

I really like the end, where he dies for love (his version of love), but comes back. The end kind of reminds me of that old morality problem about the adulterous woman murdered on the bridge. Who does Rye think of as his nemesis now? Is it the waitress that rebuffed him? Is it her husband that caused to rebuff him? Is it the party that caught him? Or the hangman that executed him?

You could have it set up where the risen Rye kills these people in turn. And the PCs have to deduce who it might be committing these murders…”that randy drunk with metal claws has returned”.

Having to deduce who it is will give the PCs more of a chance to use the backstory you have written. Because it would be ashame to have a whole character backstory, but all he is just a re-occurring combat encounter.
Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 06:01 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Ryenionn The Deathless
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Other)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-01-31 11:20 PM
I copied it into word before I read it. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 01:31 PM
Update: Instead of a picture I added stats. Used http://www.myth-weavers.com/ 3.5 character generator. Go to Comment
Elainuk: Parna's Dark Elf Assassin
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2015-02-01 03:53 PM
Ruffle feathers .... What is up with you and birds? Go to Comment
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