Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Ildas's Guildmasters
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-05-04 12:38 PM

This is fantastic, I completely enjoyed reading it. The voice you used gives us another lay of information on top of the list of facts: we get to see these people in context. Plus the sinister considerations of the narrator add a layer of risk, suspense and intrigue to the piece. The structure is also excellent. Well done makes me want to read more.

Go to Comment
Genome Computer
Items  (Computers)   (Villanous)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-29 08:28 AM
"Don't fire and Forget" That is a good line. Go to Comment
Genome Computer
Items  (Computers)   (Villanous)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-29 08:52 AM

I like this little write up. The interview log was fun to read, and while brief I thought that worked as is. I thought the descriptions given in the first person thought bubbles italics were quality. This is an idea seed with some little artistic flourishes. By why the term Genome computer? These types of computers have very little to do with the Genome and Cheka wouldn't be disappointed.

Also what do vending machines look like in the cosmic era? And children, is there a post about families and childrearing in the cosmic era?

Overall I am not sure the idea is developed enough. This is more like a foot note in some larger story Brain's in jar and machine man hybrid. That could have been a 100 word post. I feel like you were going for something larger here, maybe some world building or an atmospheric piece. We get a little mood stuff (which is good) and some world building references to the Tyco convention, a proper noun and the reveal in the CE there is something rotten in Antartica.

recommendations along these lines of brain/machine hybrids and/or brains in jars

There was an adventure story in Galaxy's Edge Magazine Issue 7 (amazon 3.99) called Pallbearers. It was about armored suits and their pilots. The crux of the story was one suit's "Dummy System" and the injured pilot in a suit trying to over come the dummy system.

For real old school dudes (Max) The Ship Who Sang by Anne McCaffery is about a brain in a jar in a ship, and her struggles with grief, art, love, loyalty and all that stuff.

For old school Horror there was Whispers in the Darkness, by H.P. Lovecraft. (A whole shelf full of brains in jar).

Finally in comedy, Steve Martin's movie "The Man with Two Brains"


Go to Comment
Cloak of the Thieving Hands
Items  (Clothes)   (Villanous)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-14 01:40 PM
This is fun.

Use it to frame somebody

Use to get extra milk money

Don't use it all, let it use you.

What other magical vestments might we pair this with? Go to Comment
The Peristeronic Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:26 PM
I like these unconventional magic items. Using them requires more creativity than say a wand of magic missile.

But you too Valadaar, double dipping in 100-word and Oekaki... Go to Comment
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:28 PM
nice idea , Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:40 PM

This is fantastic. It is filled with desirous and vibrant story telling and roleplaying opportunities abound. I also adore the material aspects of the piece, the little sacred mirror thing, excellent touch. Makes me want to write fan-fiction about one of these guys.

I think the voice works. But if I were to step from this a bit, I wonder academically how another voice would have played. When did fantasy writing get wedded to this this gothic, passive and almost vedic style of writing? It works here because I think we expect this sort of long sentence passive voice style of writing for this type of work.

Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-06 08:19 PM

So what happens if you enter the Valley of Shifting Shadow and eat the fairy cake?

"If I told you how much I needed this I wouldn't have time to eat it"

Go to Comment
The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-04 09:10 PM
Some nice purple prose, and a sort of a Lovecraftian nexus. I can see the miskatonic university department of geography mounting a expedition the rift.

There are some nice turns of phrase in here. Go to Comment
Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-03 08:46 PM
I'd (real life or in game) start freaking out as soon as I couldn't take the ring off, forget the slowly accumulating cuts and bruises.

But if I was a wicked and charming man (again either real life or in game) I might employ this item when proposing to a rich widow.

Now if I was a Puckish character inhabiting a world with Duncan McClouds and Vandal Savages I might think it a gas to slip this item on to the finger of a self-important but other wise un-impressive immortal. Go to Comment
Pribnow Dummy
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-11-27 01:27 PM
Another nice footnote, I like the way you switch voice and tones through out the write up without mashing the information together. Go to Comment
Sanctum of Water
Dungeons  (Water)   (Puzzles)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-19 07:47 PM
This really well done, thanks for posting this. I loved and admired the way you presented this. You presentation is very linear, I loved that used two voices (the GM voice describing what is going on and the module voice talking directly to the prospective GM). Whether one likes this kind of skill check heavy setting or not, I think you put this together nicely. I would love to have seen how my players would have ignored all the obstacles and secrets and moved straight to the final chamber. Go to Comment
Col. Michelle Inoue
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:53 PM

I like this one, but what I like about it is less the character (she is almost all history and equipment with no direct view of personality. Very much a Scras character.) and more the glimpse into a world. I'm with Mageek, the use of Remora title was cool.

This reminds me of that god awful Battletech novel, "Close Quarters" in which the main character was a female scout who ran along side the mechs with a rifle and a radio (looking for the mech that killed her parents). But unlike this character, the battletech scout does wear a bikini (at least in the first battle).

Go to Comment
Brass Man
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-19 10:56 PM
Very clear and accessible, good one. Go to Comment
Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 01:41 PM
Never played final fantasy X.

This post begs so many questions. Here are my top five.

What is on Yuna's playlists. How does she wed her proclivity for serene zen music with her desire to play Japanese ska-pop?

What are the "best features" of the Japanese and american "races"?

What kind of research does she do-actually never mind that she can bullets up people's noses. What would push these very moral character to put a bullet up somebody's nose?

If she is terrified of cosmic horrors, does she still use her power to summon them and if so ain't that a little bat poop crazy?

How many scraps this girl been in, you attribute a lot of violent potential to a non violent character?

Bonus question: which of the five her board games would she prefer: apples to apples, scrabble, cranium, puerto Rico or Monopoly

Go to Comment
Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 05:25 PM
I don't know, is the cosmic era that much more horrible than today. Yeah you have potentially world ending magic and a masses of moral bankrupt sheep, but don't we have that now? We have boko haram, ISIS, crazed shooters, nuclear weapons, global warming and Donald Trump. We have exploitive and empty forms of entertainment and plaques of our making. Often it sounds like the near apocalypse of post-pertolem era put the citizens of the cosmic era into the mindset that they need to be a little more responsible and less greedy. Does the average citizen of the cosmic era live in reasonable fear of chthulu eating their soul or starvation or death through violence? Which is scarier a species eating star whale a group of people that feel justified in rape and genocide? Go to Comment
Freemium Economy
Systems  (Mercantile)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-03-08 07:20 AM
It is so hard for we Americans to imagine a world without money. I've seen it with writers who can imagine a world without money but then have trouble telling stories in that world without bringing in money. I am sure we all tried to a run D&D campaign without money at some point? How many players had a problem with it?

I think the Freemium Economy is very similar to the patronage economy which is how some historians I have read or listened to described the European Economy from about the 7th century to the 14 the century. I don't see a return to such a system unrealistic. I applaud the ambition and imagination of this write-up.

Minor Suggestion: At the end, you make the point about the patronage economy and feudalism (of which the patronage economy was a huge and unremovable peice, but I wouldn't say they are synonyms). That part could be written a little more clearly. Don't reference imaginary historical truths as if your audience was familiar with them. Instead precisely describe the situation. I agree with everyone, Star Trek wasn't realistic. You can't describe every complex problem with a simple metaphor. Drop the dance metaphor and describe how this system works in practice.

I would also start with the references to feudalism in this piece. Since this really is like a thesis: state your conclusion in the beginning and state your conclusion at the end. Go to Comment
Wings of Wondrous Power
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-18 03:21 PM
Half-Flying things are my jam.

(what Muro said) Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-01-25 11:09 PM
I love the approach you took with this, the journal entries and the complete "in world" perspective to both halves.

I have to agree with Muro. There was a lot extra verbiage that wasn't really descriptive, or at least didn't add anything to an already direct and competent description.

Suggestion: Redo the teaser, but from the shark's 1st person perspective. Go to Comment
Fuijin Kaze
Items  (Transports)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-13 03:33 PM

I imagine it doesn't fair to well in rough weather. Also I can see many scores of these being controlled by one central AI to move personal and material around a large complex. Because these are modular and available they could be placed into a large complex (such a shipyard or scrap yard) to supplement or temporarily replace more stable methods of industrial logistics. Go to Comment
Total Comments:

Join Now!!

       By: Michael Jotne Slayer

It is rumoured that a sort of little people living deep in the green woods have magic acorns. If they throw and hit someone with by one of these acorns the victim will experience temporary madness for a small duration of time, making the babbling victim easy to capture of kill.

Ideas  ( Items ) | February 15, 2011 | View | UpVote 4xp