Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Peristeronic Ring
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:26 PM
I like these unconventional magic items. Using them requires more creativity than say a wand of magic missile.

But you too Valadaar, double dipping in 100-word and Oekaki... Go to Comment
Godmarked
NPCs  (Extras)   (Religious)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:28 PM
nice idea , Go to Comment
Atarkhul, Lord of Passions
Society/ Organizations  (Divine/ Spirit)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:40 PM

This is fantastic. It is filled with desirous and vibrant story telling and roleplaying opportunities abound. I also adore the material aspects of the piece, the little sacred mirror thing, excellent touch. Makes me want to write fan-fiction about one of these guys.

I think the voice works. But if I were to step from this a bit, I wonder academically how another voice would have played. When did fantasy writing get wedded to this this gothic, passive and almost vedic style of writing? It works here because I think we expect this sort of long sentence passive voice style of writing for this type of work.

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The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-06 08:19 PM


So what happens if you enter the Valley of Shifting Shadow and eat the fairy cake?


"If I told you how much I needed this I wouldn't have time to eat it"

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The Valley of Shifting Shadow
Locations  (Other)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-04 09:10 PM
Some nice purple prose, and a sort of a Lovecraftian nexus. I can see the miskatonic university department of geography mounting a expedition the rift.

There are some nice turns of phrase in here. Go to Comment
Ring of Subtle Injury
Items  (Jewelry)   (Cursed)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-03 08:46 PM
I'd (real life or in game) start freaking out as soon as I couldn't take the ring off, forget the slowly accumulating cuts and bruises.

But if I was a wicked and charming man (again either real life or in game) I might employ this item when proposing to a rich widow.

Now if I was a Puckish character inhabiting a world with Duncan McClouds and Vandal Savages I might think it a gas to slip this item on to the finger of a self-important but other wise un-impressive immortal. Go to Comment
Pribnow Dummy
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-11-27 01:27 PM
Another nice footnote, I like the way you switch voice and tones through out the write up without mashing the information together. Go to Comment
Sanctum of Water
Dungeons  (Water)   (Puzzles)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-19 07:47 PM
This really well done, thanks for posting this. I loved and admired the way you presented this. You presentation is very linear, I loved that used two voices (the GM voice describing what is going on and the module voice talking directly to the prospective GM). Whether one likes this kind of skill check heavy setting or not, I think you put this together nicely. I would love to have seen how my players would have ignored all the obstacles and secrets and moved straight to the final chamber. Go to Comment
Col. Michelle Inoue
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-11 07:53 PM

I like this one, but what I like about it is less the character (she is almost all history and equipment with no direct view of personality. Very much a Scras character.) and more the glimpse into a world. I'm with Mageek, the use of Remora title was cool.

This reminds me of that god awful Battletech novel, "Close Quarters" in which the main character was a female scout who ran along side the mechs with a rifle and a radio (looking for the mech that killed her parents). But unlike this character, the battletech scout does wear a bikini (at least in the first battle).

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Brass Man
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-19 10:56 PM
Very clear and accessible, good one. Go to Comment
Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 01:41 PM
Never played final fantasy X.

This post begs so many questions. Here are my top five.

What is on Yuna's playlists. How does she wed her proclivity for serene zen music with her desire to play Japanese ska-pop?

What are the "best features" of the Japanese and american "races"?

What kind of research does she do-actually never mind that she can bullets up people's noses. What would push these very moral character to put a bullet up somebody's nose?

If she is terrified of cosmic horrors, does she still use her power to summon them and if so ain't that a little bat poop crazy?

How many scraps this girl been in, you attribute a lot of violent potential to a non violent character?

Bonus question: which of the five her board games would she prefer: apples to apples, scrabble, cranium, puerto Rico or Monopoly

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Yuna Aoki
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-04-15 05:25 PM
I don't know, is the cosmic era that much more horrible than today. Yeah you have potentially world ending magic and a masses of moral bankrupt sheep, but don't we have that now? We have boko haram, ISIS, crazed shooters, nuclear weapons, global warming and Donald Trump. We have exploitive and empty forms of entertainment and plaques of our making. Often it sounds like the near apocalypse of post-pertolem era put the citizens of the cosmic era into the mindset that they need to be a little more responsible and less greedy. Does the average citizen of the cosmic era live in reasonable fear of chthulu eating their soul or starvation or death through violence? Which is scarier a species eating star whale a group of people that feel justified in rape and genocide? Go to Comment
Freemium Economy
Systems  (Mercantile)   (Specific)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-03-08 07:20 AM
It is so hard for we Americans to imagine a world without money. I've seen it with writers who can imagine a world without money but then have trouble telling stories in that world without bringing in money. I am sure we all tried to a run D&D campaign without money at some point? How many players had a problem with it?

I think the Freemium Economy is very similar to the patronage economy which is how some historians I have read or listened to described the European Economy from about the 7th century to the 14 the century. I don't see a return to such a system unrealistic. I applaud the ambition and imagination of this write-up.

Minor Suggestion: At the end, you make the point about the patronage economy and feudalism (of which the patronage economy was a huge and unremovable peice, but I wouldn't say they are synonyms). That part could be written a little more clearly. Don't reference imaginary historical truths as if your audience was familiar with them. Instead precisely describe the situation. I agree with everyone, Star Trek wasn't realistic. You can't describe every complex problem with a simple metaphor. Drop the dance metaphor and describe how this system works in practice.

I would also start with the references to feudalism in this piece. Since this really is like a thesis: state your conclusion in the beginning and state your conclusion at the end. Go to Comment
Wings of Wondrous Power
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-18 03:21 PM
Half-Flying things are my jam.

(what Muro said) Go to Comment
White Death
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-01-25 11:09 PM
I love the approach you took with this, the journal entries and the complete "in world" perspective to both halves.


I have to agree with Muro. There was a lot extra verbiage that wasn't really descriptive, or at least didn't add anything to an already direct and competent description.

Suggestion: Redo the teaser, but from the shark's 1st person perspective. Go to Comment
Fuijin Kaze
Items  (Transports)   (Non-Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-13 03:33 PM
Nice

I imagine it doesn't fair to well in rough weather. Also I can see many scores of these being controlled by one central AI to move personal and material around a large complex. Because these are modular and available they could be placed into a large complex (such a shipyard or scrap yard) to supplement or temporarily replace more stable methods of industrial logistics. Go to Comment
Infernal Forge
Locations  (Other)   (Underground)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-03-13 03:38 PM
Tables are fun, seriously show me a gamer that doesn't enjoy a good table and I will show you a failed actor.

I can see how this was part of a larger post, it reads like a footnote, which as supplements for gaming, would apply to most of the stuff on the citadel.

But this is fun, thanks for writing it.


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Ogre Sports
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (Local)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-01-15 10:42 PM
You could/should make a board game out of skull-ball. Kind of like that use to come in issue of White Dwarf. Go to Comment
Ghost Wail Pass
Locations  (Area)   (Mountains)
axlerowes's comment on 2017-03-05 06:30 PM
I love the poem. This is clear submission, nice catchy descriptions and lots of drama. For example, a 170 mile pass that is only 30ft at it is widest point, that is dramatic! How high and steep are the walls? One boulder would seriously inhibit any movement through the pass, so all the more dangerous.

I can also see Dossta's point, while the idea is clear, the prose well written and situation interesting, it might be served by just a little more flair and details. I say might be cause I acknowledge that is a tricky line, you don't want things to be overlong and bloated with tangents, but you want things to be meaty. Go to Comment
Dia del Takanakuy
Plots  (Event)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2016-02-02 10:47 PM
randomly came across this, good solid post, concise and full of possibilities. I can't remember reading much about South America in the cosmic era, but it sounds like that could be the place to be Go to Comment
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