Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 12:53 PM

Does the book measure the height and angle of the reader's forehead to help determine racial purity of its readers? And why only white males...women loved Hitler.

Subplot...the neo-nazi camp comes across a book written by the ghostly hand of Chamberlin. They pass this book onto the PCs and suddenly our heros find themselves make all kinds of compromises.

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Mien Endsieg
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Campaign Defining)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-14 06:53 PM
If you are not looking for validation than it doesn't matter what people think of your subs.You fit in fine as far as I concerned, and I do pity you and I do validate you. I thought my Chamberlin comment was funny, and low be you in my estimation for not giving me even a snicker or disgusted eye roll. People commented on this in generally positive light. Shame on you for trying to shame us by asserting that we are shunning or excluding if you had any of emotion you assert that you are having you would have gone away quietly and not left this -I just don't belong note-. Furthermore, I want to call your hand I will make a better case that I don't belong here and you do. Let me know if you are playing! Go to Comment
30 Super-Villians
NPCs  (Major)   (Criminal/Espionage)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-02-23 10:43 PM

Lets bring this back.....

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It's A Gone World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-10-13 07:57 PM

"The potential to offend outweighs the utility" That is a slippery slope. After all it is part the speculative genre to push the envelope to an extreme so that the middle can be re-evaluated. I agree it was a tasteless and crass post, but not without merit. Maybe Censorship makes me a little sad....

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Courtesan's secret weapon
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-06-08 12:03 AM
Why didn't you like what I wrote, and I why is what you wrote you superior to my ideas? Or at least if not superior, what could I do to make something more suited to your specific. I tried to live up to the possibility of the flirting dress or at least expand on the idea, and I feel concerned that custos found it uncool. Please elaborate on cool. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-05-05 05:50 PM
It is "The Champ" with Robots. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 08:30 PM
It is interesting her experiences with animal intellect or so liberating, I am not a behaviorist, but I believe most (most) animal emotions are varying degrees of discomfort. A chapter told entirely from the animal perspective would be interesting, she has written books but only really alluded to the animal experiences. You touched on it a bit with her dog days in the city. But if the animal experiences are what is most important to her why the laundry list of events related to her human acquaintances? Do you intend for us to doubt the narrator's self-knowledge? Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-21 07:50 PM

Sci-fi spell jammers in the deep. I love it. I think we discussed this before in chat: but i like the idea of these beings, and I think it adds different dimension of the setting. By writing from the perspective of one these beings you could use more hard science in you descriptions of life forms and structures. For example you could discuss things in terms of wavelength and ionic attractions ( stuff a being from a crashed spaceship could be aware of), and just having these in the setting expands the setting immensely.

The write up is a little terse. Almost like bullet points. What happened the Valadaar of six or eight years ago that opened up his posts with little in-world first person vignettes?

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Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Water)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-22 07:01 AM

Check out the Vorrkush sub

It is another mystical deep dwelling arthropod of Decathros with a Lovecraft vibe.

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axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 08:24 PM
I read this one a couple of days ago, it kind of reads like a laundry list of events, but it is missing any real meat to it. Go to Comment
Elizabeth Sheybad and the Flirting Dress
Plots  (Crisis)   (Encounter)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-18 03:30 PM
I have been told many times that the citadel is an Rpg site, not a fiction site. And that RPG fiction should end right before or right after something really awful or dramatic happens, that way the players can pick up where the author left off, so we continue this in a forum RPG, or write me another weird item and I will try an incorporate into another thread of this narrative. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-16 05:55 PM
Suspension of disbelief regarding the bird getting on to and out the the airplane in such a way as follow chic around a major international airport:


Suspension of disbelief regarding a talking song bird (even if its polymorphed bird):


Nice story, stuff happens, I was interested.

I would drop the second to last paragraph. The story ends once the woman leaves...and it is better that way. Go to Comment
Ellen Lancaster
NPCs  (Minor)   (Artistic/Performance)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 07:33 PM

I was looking for something to read on the fly and so I clicked on this thing. This has everything I have ever wanted to see on the Citadel. It is written with a consistent perspective, and it builds its world subtlety around characters. This might be the best thing I have ever read on the Citadel. It certainly has a lot of the qualities I have aspired to and experimented with, I truly admire this piece. Forget those banal self-important distinctions of whether or not this is “useful” or the content ascribes to my biases or preferences regarding genre; I love what this represents in ambition to be a completely immersive piece. The bar at the Citadel keeps getting raised (which may shrink and change the community), and I believe that you have raised the bar. I would say this is transcendent: You have character driven world building and story-telling in a speculative fiction genre (with a big bit of wish fulfillment thrown in). This is well-realized character and world, and you get some much of it in one narrative here. Thank you.

As for the content, I just want to note that I respect every choice you made in writing this.

The author/narrator clearly has a lot of respect and almost adoration for his subject. Only when noting that she may not have resented being so positively features in the documentary does his ever dig into his subject. It would be an interesting experiment and very telling of the conflicts in your world to hear about the events allude to and described from the oppositions perspective. Could you paint a sympathetic picture of one your villains or antagonistic characters?

Another thing I found jarring, but not in a bad way per se, was the take you took on superheros here. The Silver Age fantasy of the superhero is some mild mannered or over looked person who can suddenly burst out and do something fantastic. The super powers become allegory for the overlooked potential, emotional turmoil, super-ego or inner life of the nerd or the put upon individual. Here your characters (including Silver’s) are Grammy winning artists, best selling authors and beautiful young people living hipster lives in NYC. In many many ways are they departures from the lifestyles of people who plan than their lives around live chatting RPGs.

Finally there is one thing I just don’t buy. I don’t believe that this Juilliard educated woman in her 30s who is thoughtful and considerate of meaningful communication, AND born in 1988 or 1989 could reference Rocky III with esoteric precession and complete assurance that her reference would be caught and understood. Even if she was some how a fan of early 80s pulp cinema, it was incredulous that this New York Times author and his editor were both on the same page and felt no need to explain this reference to his audience. In that moment I saw the aging fanboy behind the text, and I completely loved it. Unless your alternate history promotes Rocky III to the ranks of Pooh Bear, Shakespeare, and Star Wars in terms of Western pop culture allusions…then well done sir.

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Flirting dress
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-16 01:36 PM
I took that as an Oekaki challenge scras! Go to Comment
Flirting dress
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-18 09:42 AM
Cheka! The Queen of Vallermoore would love this wouldn't she! Go to Comment
Flirting dress
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-18 09:43 AM
Or traumatize children on the sly. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-14 01:17 PM
Minor Note:
"The new quarter began at school and Sarah was deep in study land. Despite her words about me stealing her study buddy, she didn't seem to mind that Ellen got me more now. Almost as if she deliberately invited me over to get to Ellen.."

This is an early conclusion for second date so I assume their relationship is progressing but the chronology is a little tough to follow in the beginning.

Bigger thought:
Ellen and Eve's whole courtship feels like a rush to consummation. And without any conflicts-internal or external-nothing really happens in this section.

What was your goal with this section? Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 08:29 AM
Did she grab the 'river trout' from the Harlem, East, Bronx or Hudson river? Good trout fishing in those rivers?

I am not sure this post really needed to happen. We don't learn anything about the world or the characters (except no underwear). There is no drama or conflict, the "asking Ellen out" bit could/should have involved more tension or internal dialog, particularly considering all the swings the main character took the night before.

The only thing of interest is that I don't buy Ellen's interest in Evelyn, and am waiting for Evelyn to finally get rejected or have 'a gut check'.
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Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 09:14 AM
If we were work shopping this story, I would still suggest cutting this scene. Go to Comment
7 More Reasons Why Not Everyone is a Magic User
Articles  (Resource)   (Gaming - Genre)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-13 08:46 AM
I think this works as 7, this is article about world building, beside it being a new or lost technology, you have 7 fairly thought out suggestions here Go to Comment
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