Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Dreamweaver Revisited
Plots  (Duty)   (Single-Storyline)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-11 08:40 AM
There are some things I like a lot about this post and some things not so much. The over-arching idea of players being played is clever. Having cuts appear on them and odd possessions is a good touch. But I believe I have seen this idea many times before, so just this idea isn't enough. I would love to see more explanation (or possibilities) from this post. Who is the stranger? What does the wizard hide? Are the PCs killing people, or are they just being led to think so? I don't need answers, but some clever suggestions can go a long way in my opinion. Go to Comment
Jeremiah
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 01:34 PM
I like this because of the subtleties, for example Jeremiah not knowing what he is, and being born blind for a while. If it were more fleshed out I'd give a higher score, but this is better than many NPCs I've seen in that regard even without using too many words. Go to Comment
Jade
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 01:43 PM
My comments on this mirror my comments on Jeremiah. One question I have about the wild ones, though... how does it work? Jade and Jeremiah have connections to animals because they have the bloodline, but they are connected to different animals. So the genetics determine if someone has an animal connection, but what determines what animal a person relates to? Maybe a future submission on the wild ones could discuss this, and how/why the wild ones dissappeared, seeing as they have advantages over "normal" people. Go to Comment
Ferian Fortholén
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mercantile)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 06:40 PM
I like this post a fair amount (I think it's better than the 3 it had when I got here). Can you tell us more about Shartel or the fallen rangers? Why was Ferian seduced by this religion? Is Ferian an assasin now? (he worships the god or murder) When did he get the tatoo, why, what does it mean? (or did he just think it looked cool ;-p)

minor criticisms:
twice you end a sentence with "or anything" which I dislike, and when discussing his hair you made an error in the sentence so it doesnt make sense. Go to Comment
The Angel's Seal
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-13 06:25 AM
I like how it inscribes a rune on victims' foreheads. Many other aspects are sort of standard (although why would an angel need a sword that allows him to sprout angel wings? and how likely is it that a sword for killing demons would think it would be worthwhile to convince a demon to not be evil anymore?)

I have no problem with angels and demons; I'd go a step further and say it's silly to call it Judo-Christian. These appear in hindu and buddhist religions as well, in addition to ancient Persian cultures. Even the Greeks had Daemons. Go to Comment
Dungeoneer's flashlight
Items  (Tools)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-27 08:14 PM
I could swear I already voted on this. A nice idea. Go to Comment
Flute of Vaxtar
Items  (Art and Music)   (Heroic)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 07:52 PM
I really like the idea here, but the post seems like it was written up in a hurry. If you come back and put a little more love into it, I'm sure you could make the goodness shine out even more. Go to Comment
skull shuriken
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Combat)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-15 12:17 AM
Calm down everyone :-) Many different definitions of different things (even if some are wrong ;-p ).

With a simple adjustment to power these stars could be nice. I like the idea of carving throwing stars out of a dragon skull. Let's work with what we like and ignore what we don't :-) Go to Comment
The Understar
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 06:24 PM
Awesome story! I don't know how I would use it to its fullest potential, being so powerful and etc. but it's a great tale, with such a rich physical description and some many nuances.

Only two criticisms:
1) you say hair down to her ... and then dont say where in the physical description
2) I wonder what the tail looks like, its mentioned, but not described

awesome. Go to Comment
Warhorn of the Forest Lords
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 07:06 PM
I like it a lot. Good description, not too powerful... Like everyone else, I'm eager to hear more about forest lords. I do hope you come back... I think you've been away a while... Go to Comment
Arrow of Personal Hell
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-30 03:10 PM
Like the idea Pieh. If you added more background (for example something like what strolen wrote about) it would make it even stronger. Go to Comment
VireGoron Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 03:11 PM
This post needs to have a lot more detail. I can not picture the sword from this description :-( and it does not have any creative abilities. Go to Comment
Venus Mantrap Seeds
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Any)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-22 10:25 AM
I think I like the idea, but I also feel like it gets lost inside all of the numbers. If you want to put numbers they should go at the end. Most of the post should describe what this plant looks like better, its ecology, etc. Go to Comment
The Nomads
Plots  (Travel)   (Multi-Storyline)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 11:21 AM
Reminds me of the untouchable caste in India. But this post just doesn't tell me enough. Why are they shunned? What do they look like? What is their culture (music, food, etc)? Are they glad to be "accepted" or upet, and if so, will they rebel?

I like the fact that you made 4 hooks, but I think the idea needs more details. Go to Comment
Floating Flail
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 04:17 PM
I like this item a lot. It's a good idea... many applications are left unsaid... I'll come back later perhaps and add 2 cents... Go to Comment
Centipede Nails
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-18 03:51 PM
Love it. It'd be cool to have a little story or something, but that's just being picky. I will definitely give these to players early on. What player/DM wants to kepep track of how much they can carry? This solves that problem, and creates a magic item that doesnt actually make my players more powerful, but they can't complain because they do really need it. Plus, it's inability to get unstuck from some basic circumstances should provide humor. Go to Comment
Raven
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-14 11:35 PM
The back story seems more detailed than in some other posts which is nice. It is a little choppy, and the errors in spelling and grammar distract me from appreciating this idea more. I think you have some good ideas, but rush through the description too fast, which leads to errors and choppy sentences instead of a smoothly flowing story. Go to Comment
The Harp of The Unicorn
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-10 04:18 PM
Okay. Music healing is not very original to me, BUT I like the idea of the instruments working cooperatively to produce greater results, and I like the little description you provide. Go to Comment
The Lute of The Dragon
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-14 11:28 PM
It's nice that you put in some back story, but there is just not enough there and there are too many typos in this post right now. Go to Comment
The Flute of The Raven
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 07:16 PM
I like the idea of the collection of twelve. It will be a very nice collection, and I really like how you have them interact with each other. As an individual item, this is not exceptional, but it is solid and will get better as the rest come up I'm sure. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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