There are some things I like a lot about this post and some things not so much. The over-arching idea of players being played is clever. Having cuts appear on them and odd possessions is a good touch. But I believe I have seen this idea many times before, so just this idea isn't enough. I would love to see more explanation (or possibilities) from this post. Who is the stranger? What does the wizard hide? Are the PCs killing people, or are they just being led to think so? I don't need answers, but some clever suggestions can go a long way in my opinion. Go to Comment
I like this because of the subtleties, for example Jeremiah not knowing what he is, and being born blind for a while. If it were more fleshed out I'd give a higher score, but this is better than many NPCs I've seen in that regard even without using too many words. Go to Comment
My comments on this mirror my comments on Jeremiah. One question I have about the wild ones, though... how does it work? Jade and Jeremiah have connections to animals because they have the bloodline, but they are connected to different animals. So the genetics determine if someone has an animal connection, but what determines what animal a person relates to? Maybe a future submission on the wild ones could discuss this, and how/why the wild ones dissappeared, seeing as they have advantages over "normal" people. Go to Comment
I like this post a fair amount (I think it's better than the 3 it had when I got here). Can you tell us more about Shartel or the fallen rangers? Why was Ferian seduced by this religion? Is Ferian an assasin now? (he worships the god or murder) When did he get the tatoo, why, what does it mean? (or did he just think it looked cool ;-p)
twice you end a sentence with "or anything" which I dislike, and when discussing his hair you made an error in the sentence so it doesnt make sense. Go to Comment
I like how it inscribes a rune on victims' foreheads. Many other aspects are sort of standard (although why would an angel need a sword that allows him to sprout angel wings? and how likely is it that a sword for killing demons would think it would be worthwhile to convince a demon to not be evil anymore?)
I have no problem with angels and demons; I'd go a step further and say it's silly to call it Judo-Christian. These appear in hindu and buddhist religions as well, in addition to ancient Persian cultures. Even the Greeks had Daemons. Go to Comment
I really like the idea here, but the post seems like it was written up in a hurry. If you come back and put a little more love into it, I'm sure you could make the goodness shine out even more. Go to Comment
I think I like the idea, but I also feel like it gets lost inside all of the numbers. If you want to put numbers they should go at the end. Most of the post should describe what this plant looks like better, its ecology, etc. Go to Comment
Reminds me of the untouchable caste in India. But this post just doesn't tell me enough. Why are they shunned? What do they look like? What is their culture (music, food, etc)? Are they glad to be "accepted" or upet, and if so, will they rebel?
I like the fact that you made 4 hooks, but I think the idea needs more details. Go to Comment
Love it. It'd be cool to have a little story or something, but that's just being picky. I will definitely give these to players early on. What player/DM wants to kepep track of how much they can carry? This solves that problem, and creates a magic item that doesnt actually make my players more powerful, but they can't complain because they do really need it. Plus, it's inability to get unstuck from some basic circumstances should provide humor. Go to Comment
The back story seems more detailed than in some other posts which is nice. It is a little choppy, and the errors in spelling and grammar distract me from appreciating this idea more. I think you have some good ideas, but rush through the description too fast, which leads to errors and choppy sentences instead of a smoothly flowing story. Go to Comment
I like the idea of the collection of twelve. It will be a very nice collection, and I really like how you have them interact with each other. As an individual item, this is not exceptional, but it is solid and will get better as the rest come up I'm sure. Go to Comment
Hate and vengeance are powerful forces. They dull the inhibitions, cloud the thoughts, and drive people to commit unspeakable acts. There are demons that reflect intense human emotion, taking shapes that best reflect the desire and experiences of their victims.