I'm surprised this was rated so low when I saw it (2.5). My guess is that this is because it is either a typical rise to power and corruption tale or that it is because its more of a story and less on an NPC. But neither one of those criticisms rings particularly true to me. All stories have some aspect of cliche in them. What sets things apart are the details, and I think this post has a lot of details which help it be non-generic. Also, as the post suggests, a GM could use this character at any point in the story. Perhaps players could even hear about the time when this guy kills everyone within 10 miles, and they come to stop the evil warlord.... and maybe they realize he's not evil, just corrupted, maybe they try to save him... Go to Comment
I like this item. It seems fair to me and a nice little curse for people to have to deal with. What if someone in the armor could be turned as well. Maybe they come to a temple to try to get it removed, and the priests turn him. You could torture your players almost comically by having the only people who can help remove the armor perpetually keeping him at bay. ;-p Go to Comment
I really like it when people have plots hooks, and I like a good back story. You've given a very good description of this character here, but my complaint is that the character is similar to many many woodland druids with very little to set him apart. I don't feel like I understand this character on a personal level. I don't know what animals he treasures, and whether he likes sunrise or sunset better. How does he feel about civilization? Go to Comment
I like how this character is "mundane" and believable. Many posts are about great heroes, but I think this is more how most people in our worlds would be. Not a commoner, but perhaps an uncommoner. Eltsin's love-hate with alcohol is interesting. He hates it, but he uses it against people. I wonder has anyone ever been hurt because one of his victims got too drunk and beat them? And how does he feel? It's hard to pin an alignment on this guy I think, which is not a bad thing for a "real" person. He is a constable (lawful) but cheats to get ahead (chaotic) and so on. All in all I like. Go to Comment
Happened upon this randomly, and I agree with all that has been said, especially Moonhunter and ShadowEagle's posts. Oh, and I agree with Alec for the dragoon definition... just a normal human knight... but i can easily see it being a dragon-like race. Go to Comment
This character is better than several I have seen, and the addition of the plot hook is nice, but the post could be improved in some ways.
-formatting. I haven't posted here yet, so maybe it's harder than I imagine, but a little big of formatting can go a long way.
-nuance. While you have given a long history of the character, it seems that only events which explain his powers are given. In a complicated situation I don't know how this character would act, because the background relies more on cliche than on humanity and emotion.
Have you tried writing up weak characters ever? I imagine it is much harder to make them "individual" because they don't have wild things like animal body parts and etc. but for exactly that reason I think it would be a good exercise for everyone (myself included). Go to Comment
Your write-up is very good. The item is very powerful, but thats fine - it should be given its history (one question - what IS its history? we know how the orcs got it in a time of need, but when was it made and by whom and why was it lost if so powerful? i know i'm being picky, but you don't address this)
pretty awesome post. and we need more non-sword weapons... Go to Comment
I like the background a lot... abilties are fine. I might use a variant of this where the powers of the flower are better the longer you let it grow (within reason...) So if one is found, of course people will try to steal it from the lucky person.. it could be a curse then... people might pluck it early... maybe the players hear about it and know of the legend, but the locals only think it is cool (like Elvis in a potato). The players rush to get it before a bad guy. Or, maybe the players could be hired to guard one while it grows in return for a small fraction of it's full-grown essense. These ideas don't work for it as posted, but are inspired by the post. Go to Comment
I think it's a good start. The grammer throughout the post is a little iffy, making it harder to read than it should be. And it's powers need to be toned down, sure. But I like that he gave some background, which doesnt always happen. It's not as bad as people are making it out to be. Go to Comment
I like the history you wrote, but the item itself seems somewhat generic and also powerful. The cause and effect of the history also seems unusual to me. Why ten stones? He got mad at this students so he decided to rip the pure hearts of mountains out? It's a very good story, but a few things are not clear to me. Go to Comment
I like the details you put in to the post and the ebony flute of course is the strength of this post. If you addressed some of the things mentioned by the previous two commentors I could see raising the grade, but for now it's a 3 to me :-) Go to Comment
I like the idea of a place where time goes faster than normal, but this needs more details. Why does time go faster? What god protects the city and why? Will PCs age more quickly in this zone? I think this is a very cool idea if you added some descriptions to tie everything together, but it's not enough right now. Go to Comment
I like it a lot, almost enough to bump it up a grade. I'm not into guns in my games, but thats just preference. If I were to use it I reckon it would be an NPC, because as pointed out, most players wouldnt use a nonworking gun in dire conditions.
I like the idea of the item, although it's definitely something I have seen before. I also like how you put in a rather extensive history. One thing I would say, however, is that the history does not read smoothly, but is very choppy and harder to follow than it should be. Go to Comment
There is nothing wrong with this post, it tells a fine story, and paints a coherent picture of an individual. My complaint would be that is relies too much on cliche. Now, it's okay to have a rags to riches tale, but only if you add some nuance. Why did the prostitute not abort (I'd think pregnancy might not be best for business, although....) Why did the lord have this child by her - is he otherwise married? Does his father's wife know about him? Did his father search for him? Is he mad at his parents and the monks, or does he forgive them or think they were trying to do what they thought was best? Why did he join the army at 14? Did he just really hate the monks (if so, why not become a city urchin or something else safer?) or did he meet a mentor knight who he now sees as his "real" father....? Go to Comment
This post does a good job of describing the ability and some history of Izkandar. But I would love to see more historical allusion, and some description of Izkandar's personality. Is he imperialistic? Does he spread culture? Honorable? Cruel? There's not much descrption of personality/motivation given, which is to me the most interesting part. Go to Comment
Very good post and I really appreciate the plot hooks - sometimes I love characters but it's hard to get them into a campaign. You write a lot about her back story, but it still doesn't feel very detailed to me. It seems too stereotypical "manipulative attractive court woman" to me I think, and while you describe this TYPE very well, I think it's a very well-known type.
I don't get why she grew up in court if she was raised by a courtesan... I mean, she might have been paid off and been rich, but I'd think the noble would also want her to be raised far away so people don't see any resemblance and suspect. It would also be hard to get respect in a noble society too I would think, because of cattiness. Go to Comment
The road has never been more than an overgrown mud track, little travelled and little cared for, petered out to nothing more than a flattened earthen line, barely distinguishable from the rest of the landscape. The soil is dark and fecund and dark oaks stand like sentinels at the forest edge, their branches high and leafy. From them hang grizzly human bones, skulls and shiny precious stones. Who put these strange totems there? Are they warnings? Do the PCs dare to take the stones?