Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Furry Tree-Zombies
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 09:19 AM
I like the post, I like the random mutations because of potions, etc. I like the fuzzy mold. I like the histroy. BUt it seems off-kilter just a little bit the whole way to me. Things like zombies having a newfound dexterity, and a powerful necromancer chilling out with barbaric halflings for so long... why not use a different race, or why wait so long if you could just cast a massive death spell. I'm not saying the idea is not there or not good, just that I don't think it's all been written up or fleshed out completely. I think the underlying idea is both funny and potential a great monster/conflict for players. Go to Comment
Arascan Burial Customs
Dungeons  (Any)   (Style)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 12:50 PM
Like it a lot. As MH says, it creates a feel and avoids cliche. I personally like the idea of a whole race that is still alive but asleep. Many possibilities for later in the campaign.... Go to Comment
The Nasgareth
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 09:11 AM
This post is strange to me because there are several very bad things, and several very good things, an odd combination. For the bad: It is too cliched and unrealistic. Evil elves that dress in purple and wield curved swords... their name sounds like Nasgull (from LOTR). The descriptions and motivation are short and cliched.

Now, I really like a lot of the words you made up (for swords, worlds) and I like the pronounciation guides. I like where you were going when you said they found love.... it was starting to get original I thought. But then it looks like you forgot about that and went back to cliche. Also, you clearly spent a good deal of time on this post, which is good. Talking about the different ranks was good (except we don't care how many battles they have to win, we care about how rank affects how they live, etc.)

This is a long post, but still I know so little about the race. Where do they live (houses, underground?) What do they eat? Details like this, and staying as far away from cliche as possible will help you get great scores. You obviously have the ability to write and the effort to write long... just try to be a little more orginal :-) Go to Comment
Corpse Flower
Lifeforms  (Flora)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 09:25 AM
A very good post. I like the writing style. By telling a story you make it more interesting to read, and it describes the behavior very well (by showing not telling). Bravo sir. Go to Comment
Pu-Da
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 03:13 PM
I understand this is part of a world you're making... but as a stand alone it is somewhat weak. It's a good description and all, it's just... well.. it's a club. :) Go to Comment
Tyrnithi Arrows
Items  (Ranged Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-30 10:09 PM
Very good, but very short. Go to Comment
The Few
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (City/ Ruin)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-20 10:13 AM
The additional comments add a lot. I like the idea of players needing something from a tomb - and finding few guarding it. Then maybe they need to get permission of living heirs (thought to be dead by all, but the few tell pc's this is not so). So now the pc's go to trek for the heirs (if good they might not want to fight few even if they could win and raid the tomb) and then get permission (perhaps for going on a fools errand or joining the heir in an underground movement to recpature his wealth or whatever)... eventually the pcs come back to the place and the few let them by. Maybe someone else has already dearmed the few and stolen what the pcs wanted... so the pcs could rearm them, and be told where to find the thieves.... Go to Comment
The Nekron: A New Take on Drow
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Underground)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-18 09:33 PM
Holy Bejesus... this is long eh? The original post without comments - I'm very impressed with how good a picture I have in my mind and what a strong feel I have for a race with so few words - very impressive!

After reading comments and additions I'll give this a 5. By far the longest post I've seen, I reckon this is more how the citadel used to be.... all forums and such instead of individual posts. Sort of a collaborative thing. (I don't mean to say it will be worse now, just a different format I think.. I wasn't around before.)

Awesome. I really like aspects of this race and will figure out something to do with them or a variant of them. Go to Comment
Ghorish Maw
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 03:02 PM
Well, I agree it sounds very unwieldly.. but then again ogres are strong. Plus, have you ever seen a real human claymore? Talk about unwieldly.... some of those things are bigger than I am, and I'm more ogre then elf or dwarf.

Plus, ogres are often not known for their wits. Go to Comment
100 Luck Sword
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-12-02 10:34 AM
A nice post but not super-special. I'm glad you added the comment and replies back in MH - it adds to the flavor. Go to Comment
Shura Fist of Slaying
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-29 03:15 PM
Good description of a people and of a variant of good old brass knuckles. Simple can be beautiful. Go to Comment
Maranesh's Challenge
Dungeons  (Any)   (Puzzles)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 12:20 PM
You're writing style is great. I love the intro (although it belongs more in another category as its own post to me). Did you make this all yourself? I like it a lot. Go to Comment
Sslassti
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-20 01:12 PM
Great as norm Mourngrymn. I like how they hate other lizards for giving them a bad rep. I don't like their name (how many lizard races have I seen that have the same sound and start with Ss... minor point :-)
I'm wondering why there are 5 males per female (are they born this way or do females die a lot more, if so why?) and how that works in terms of "family values" as you mention in your post.

These are somewhat like a race I have made... makes me hesitant to post it now :-\ we'll see. I haven't fleshed mine out that much and the similarities are not too much, so maybe someday I'll do it. Go to Comment
Lemiean
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Desert)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-18 09:13 PM
As I've said before the format and thoroughness of your race posts is admirable, something I hope to emulate eventually. I'm only about halfway through Hewdamia so far, but I have to say... you've got some tall people in this world :-) Go to Comment
Wall of Insight
Dungeons  (Any)   (Puzzles)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-24 12:08 PM
This one throws me for loops on how to rate it. Did you come up with this yourself? If so, WOW! I can guarantee my players would never figure it out, although it is "obvious" once you've seen it. I could imagine using this as a lock puzzle to guard a treasure that no one had ever opened since it was made or something like that. A big treasure players could get when they figured it out... and that could happen any time during a campaign. And if they weren't getting it at all, maybe I could insert some subtle hints into the campaign...

It's not in character of course (as with almost all puzzles).

Great puzzle though, for real people in real life! Go to Comment
The Beast of Cragley Forest
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-14 03:36 PM
I like this adventure, and I can imagine any player thinking s/he has a displacer beast on the loose (although why would it drag its tentacles). This whole post reminds me of the movie, the last unicorn, and momma fortuna's circus. For anyone who hasn't seen it, there are normal animals with simple illusions cast on them to make people think they are monsters. A senile toothless lion is a manticore, a snake becomes a small dragon maybe? stuff like that. Only there are two real mythical creatures... a unicorn, which has a illusory horn on its head (because most people look at a unicorn and only see a horse, so the witch has to pretend the unicorn is a unicorn) and a real harpy (which breaks free and kills hers).
Anyhow, I mention this because I could imagine some mundane animals being dressed up as monsters with simple illusions at this type of place, and it could also make the PCs think they have a dangerous animal on the loose (unless they realize all the animals in the circus as fake). Go to Comment
Greenflies-Aquatic parasitic wasps
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-16 09:39 PM
Nice solid bug post. I like the twist of how they like water and so will leave a host to enter the water. Go to Comment
Onkorr Ants
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-16 11:12 PM
I like the detail of using them as sutures. They seem like a good write-up of a slightly magical version of a real animal. Solid post. Go to Comment
Hovers
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-16 09:41 PM
Some nice details, but more please. Do they do anything to humans? bite, sting? Do they pollinate something? Go to Comment
Skeleton Worm aka Glisten Worms
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Other)
Zylithan's comment on 2005-11-17 11:16 PM
I like it - adds a lot of character to a normal ho-hum zombie or skelly. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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