The Sysygy Paradigm
The Astrologer-Wizard Langinon has discovered an Antediluvian ritual that “stops the planets in their courses”, granting the caster “power as of a god” if it is performed at the instant of perfect sysygy, when the sun and moons are in opposition. He is rashly determined to attempt this magic.

While the caster gains great power at the moment of sysygy, the ritual also unleashes a horde of life-draining extradimensional parasites, horrors imprisoned for uncounted epochs. Go to Comment

Beautiful and elegant! Go to Comment

The Thing in the Attic

An alien creature has moved into the unused rooms of various buildings. It connects them with magical portals and begins summoning others of its kind.

While the things are menacing, they are easy to dispatch. Unfortunately, others soon discover the extra-dimensional connections the things leave behind: Connections that lead into dungeon cells, vaults, nobles’ palaces, and other vulnerable areas. Until the portals fade, thieves and assassins are almost unstoppable. Go to Comment

The Crypt
On a desolate hillside stands the crypt of one of the leading families of the land. For hundreds of years, their ancestors have been placed there. Unfortunately, if the rusty lock is opened, an unpleasant reality stands revealed: The elaborate marble sarcophagi are empty. There is no sign they were ever tenanted.

For centuries, the sinister lords of a rival house have been collecting their enemies and making them into undead servants… Go to Comment

She Left a Note

Beneath the shattered window lay a maiden's broken body.  Colorful shards gleamed, bright in the pooled blood.

Days passed:  A wake, then a funeral.  Burial on unconsecrated ground.

Her maidservant soon lay in her grieving fiancée's arms, whispering cunning lies about her lady... About her victim.

No one knew her servant's fair hand rewrote her letters for her: No one questioned the despairing note's authenticity.

The jealous servant whispers lies. 

A vengeful spirit rises.

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The challenge I was given was to produce a complete submission, using 75 words or less. It comes to 75 words, not counting the summary or title. Go to Comment

Useful, original, nicely conceived, and not overpowering. Everything came together nicely.

I particularly liked the description of the bracelets and their origin tale. Perhaps more relics of Quokul may appear eventually... Go to Comment

One storm-filled night, when the darkness was sundered by lightning and the tower was filled with a black wind that howled like a damned soul, the Soundsmith was visited by a pale man, who handed him a strangely-wrought bell of unfamiliar metal and an even stranger commission...

The Black Bracelet of Quokul
This leather band appears similar to the other bracelets wrought by Quokul, but the bell attached to it is crafted of a dull grey metal. The thread it hangs from is a silken strand of deepest black.

Those wearing the bracelet have reported that the chiming of the bell reveals strange and blasphemous forms sliding effortlessly through the space around the wearer, moving through other objects, plants and even people as if they aren't there. It is speculated that these creatures dwell within a dimension or reality divorced from our own, a place of alien life too strange to comprehend.

Excessive use of the bell seems to draw the alien things' attention. While some of them are apparently incapable of interacting with normal matter, other creatures have lurked nearby, stalking the bracelet's wearer for days or even months. It is conjectured that these horrifying creatures are able to draw upon magical energy to travel between the dimensions and hope to prey upon those wielding magic. Go to Comment

An intriguing little toxin, Teller!

It reproduces itself within the victim's system, becoming stronger with time? I could see an adventure where one of the Player Characters (...or the whole party: Why stint?) is dosed with Tracer Poison and must get the antidote before the steadily-mounting toxicity is too strong for the antidote to effect.

An innocent could be poisoned, forcing the heroes to guard them, or a "Most Dangerous Game" scenario could be played out, where inhuman hunters dose their prospective victims with the toxin to facilitate the hunt.

I, too, would rather see it as an ingested toxin, rather than a blood-borne toxin. A cruel GM might dose the Player Character's horse, rather than the character himself: While the heroes often take elaborate precautions to protect their persons, how many remember to similarly protect their mounts? Go to Comment

Go, Siren, go! We eagerly await the fruits of your twisted imagination! I suspect that they Kel'Regar could develop lifeforms designed to fulfill many of the functions for which a human society builds machines: Twisted organic "cyborgs" designed to prepare their foodstuffs, Plant-like organisms that extrude their clothing and protective gear, fungal material that hardens into effective hostile environment suits or protective coatings for equipment, or organic factories for useful chemicals. Go to Comment

Don't you hate it when you spend what seems like forever looking for something, and it turns out it was where you left it all along? Go to Comment

A savant of unusual aspect, his mind shattered by knowledge beyond what it was meant to hold; Edros reminds me of the Middle Eastern custom of regarding madmen as touched by Allah, holders of wisdom denied to regular men.

"We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far." - H.P. Lovecraft

A useful and well-presented oracle, he's likely to cause the PCs as much heartburn as he prevents.... Just the ticket for an evil GM. Go to Comment

I suspect that their homeworld (and any established colony worlds) would be filled with lethal biologicals exported from their "poisonous" home jungles: Plants and animals to which they have some resistance, but which are lethal to most other species that share a similar biology. In order to colonize such a place, the original ecology would have to be entirely edadicated.

Siren's description of their biotechnology gave me images of a "Cthorran" biology, with specially bred symbiotic species and microorganisms serving as integral parts of their technology. Go to Comment

I liked the opening presentation, with the Kel'Regar investigating the alien spacecraft. Everything was well-presented and detailed.

I also thought that the racial background presented was nicely detailed and made their culture credible. While they have resonances with elves, they seem to be "Space Drow" more than just elves. The strange reactions they have to other races would make their behavior seem incomprehensible or evil to other species, while maintaining a bizarre internal logic (One of the usual issues with Drow as a race is how their culture seems to make little sense).

I'm impressed with the alien aspects of the race and their cultural quirks. Their emphasis on other senses (rather than the visual) was a nice touch. All in all, the Kel'Regar would be an interesting species to encounter. Go to Comment

My original idea was that the man was Death himself, but Death isn't the only mysterious figure out there with the power to tinker with mens' fates...

Perhaps it would be best to keep it a mystery, for there are some questions it is unwise for mortals to ask. Go to Comment

Update: The text was overdue for a bit of polish, so I "tweaked" it a bit. Go to Comment

Not bad at all... Smooth, with a pleasant aftertaste. Go to Comment

Perhaps he's brilliant, but he certainly is arrogant: We've seen his type before.

Well presented, with good detail and several "hooks". He's a useful villain, someone could enter a game several ways. He will always have a plan, a way to make the world "right" (from his point of view), but he will never truly understand that the world won't conform to a lone man's vision. Go to Comment

Drackler, I recommend that you put this into "In Work" and specifically solicit advice from some of the old hands around here. What you have so far isn't bad, but it could be a great adventure with a bit of tweaking. Go to Comment

Your plot has some interesting parts, but also has a few holes and a few clichés. Addressing these will make it a much more exciting adventure.

First: The PCs receive a message asking that they come to a village to slay a dragon/horrendous monster. Presumably, Therogga Thorn does this to lure them into his trap. Problem Point: The “Guy that hires us but secretly wants to kill us” is an ancient and timeworn plot device. I’d skip it and let the PCs be contacted by a mage in the village who gets himself killed fighting the horror before they arrive. Second Problem: Most campaigns should avoid “random” dragons. If dragons are to be kept as awesome and horrifying creatures of legend, there shouldn’t be any destroying nameless towns as flunkies for some mage. A good substitute might be a group of Wyverns or the like: Beasts much like dragons, but not having quite the same mystique.

Then, how do they get the idea that they should be following this Therroga guy? I’d recommend that the mage in town leave a battered journal telling what happened: Perhaps Therroga tried to extort tribute from the village (“Yield five children to be mine, or my scaly minions will slay you all!”) and only attacked when they refused his terms.

So, the heroes trail the villain to his classy marble fortress (“Look at the sculptures, Sven!”), brawling with his werewolf buddy and undead minions on the way. There, the creep must elude them, leading them to an abyssal realm. Problem Point: It can be frustrating to almost have the bad guy, only to get hit by his traps as you try to pursue him. You don’t want to aggravate your players that way. I’d suggest that he already went below, but some of his undead flunkies are talkative and give away where he went (“You will never reach the MAaasterrrr! He is already in the realm of Kranara, preparing to free the demon princccceeee!”) as they duke it out with the PCs.

The idea of playing abyssal politics is one of the strong points of the adventure. Unfortunately, you skimmed right past that: It would be good to include a few of the demonic folks they might meet down there and how they act. The idea of recruiting demonic local allies could provoke some serious debate in most parties.

If you plan, the “Son of Helior” part doesn’t have to be an issue. Say that he snatched up one of the kids from the village and that kid is his sacrifice. The PCs can learn that he’s going to do a sacrifice “when the stars are right” and free his demonic master. Any self-respecting hero will come after the guy, slavering with righteous wrath.

Alternatively, if you wanted to keep the idea that he’s luring the characters to him, one of them is likely to be a champion for some good holy order. Let that cleric or paladin or whatever be the one that he wanted to sacrifice: The champion of the demon’s ancient enemy. Go to Comment