Chocobohunter, this is impressive in some ways, but also has some things that work against it. We're going to have some questions and criticism, but don't let that discourage you.
I'm not familiar with the video games that inspired parts of this, so I'm not sure which parts were derived from the games and which are your own original contributions. You should be careful not to use too much material from other people's work, because it can make your original ideas get lost in the mix. Even something original can look like it was plaigarized, so it is vital that you add something acknowledging your sources (e.g.: "The Chocobo Bird is a creature from the Final Fantasy games.").
To help us see what parts are yours, could you give a little information about the sources you used? Go to Comment
The ring is obviously supposed to be an artifact of incredible power, but the way it’s described, it’s too powerful. We look at these things from the perspective of people running various games, and the Chocobo Ring would wreck any game it was put in.
Who do you picture using this artifact? How would you make it part of a game? Such a thing could make a good legend or a “framing story” for a game, but once the ring itself showed up, the game would essentially be over.
“I have heard rumours, my sons… Rumours that speak of the legendary Chocobo Stone! Yes, once there was a ring known as the Chocobo Ring, a device of such magical potency that reality itself was bent to its purposes. But… It was TOO powerful! No mortal dared wear it, for its power was too strong, too pure, for a mere human to long endure! It was riven apart in the end, but its sundered parts remain, too lovely to be destroyed. In this, the hour of our land’s greatest peril, we shall find them, and the Ring of the Chocobo shall be restored! Go to Comment
Consultation with two well-informed site members (Siren no Orakio and Ria Hawk) revealed the following:
In the game Kingdom Hearts, Ansem was the ruler of the Hollow Bastion realm, who studied a phenomena known as the Heartless (creatures of darkness that stole people's hearts.) He was considered a brilliant scientist until he got too close. The bit about creating Heartless synthetically was also in the game.
In Final Fantasy VII, there are stones called materia that give their wielders magical powers, and one in particular, Holy, was pretty much the force of good in solid form.
As was noted above, Chocobos are from Final Fantasy.
Chocobohunter, taking that much background information without giving credit is like stealing. If you want to make an item up, you can add references to other people's work, but you need to add a comment explaining that it's intended to go with that setting ("An item made for an Anime-style game in the 'Kingdom Hearts' setting.")
The ring strongly resembles an item from the Final Fantasy game. While the idea of a powerful, good piece of jewelry is fine, when you combine it with the other details, it's like plaigarism. Go to Comment
There is always the "Voluntary Loan to the Crown", a schtick popular among deadbeat medieval monarchs. If one refused to lend to them, there were usually severe consequences, but if one pressed the king for repayment, the repercussions were usually worse. The Templars learned that, to their sorrow. Go to Comment
"I am Bagellon the Mighty, Underwriter of Insurance!
It was common in the Middle Ages for ships to be insured, and merchants could come to the wealthy characters, asking them to insure their vessels against mishap. Such contracts would cover the cost of the vessel, the value of the cargo, and even the expected profit from its sale.
This could become a source of income for prominent heroes, and could stimulate adventures as they try to eliminate the pirates/hostile powers/sea monsters that are preying upon ships they have insured. Go to Comment
A good, useful list of suggestions for GMs, but also useful for players: It's a mistake to make the GM come up with ways to eliminate characters' wealth! If you let the GM know that you have a grand plan (that won't make you into an invincible killing machine), he'll often go along with it.
"Calgon the Pure is saving his gold because he plans to commission the greatest cathedral his faith has ever known!"
Most characters have some ambitions beside becoming personally invincible, and a player that works with the GM to express those ambitions within the game can make it richer and more real to everyone. Go to Comment
Actually, the nobility has often enjoyed a break from some of the taxes that others paid...
Of course, if one is to be knighted, or invested into the nobility, one needs to have the proper pomp and ceremony. Historically, many a squire of gentle birth wasn't knighted because of the expense of hosting an extravagant celebration with all the land's great nobles in attendance. Arranging such an event, with the attendant feasting, tournaments, and religious ceremonies often cost a fortune. Go to Comment
You've put a lot of work into this culture, and it shows. It does have the feeling of an ongoing "work in progress", with more detailed articles to come on some of the subcastes (The Shark Warriors are a particularly good example, hopefully the first of several).
They remind me a lot of the "Moties" from A mote in God's Eye by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Like the Moties, the Rephatians are a race with several radically different subspecies, each suited to a different occupational niche. Go to Comment
A pleasantly eldritch horror from beyond space and time!
They're an interesting breed of vaguely Lovecraftian spooks; they leave me wondering whether the original dwellers in the city had anything in common with humanity.
Perhaps these spirits, ancient beyond reckoning, are the remnant of a race as incomprehensible and shapeless as they, a cephalopodal species whose strange appendages were reshaped as needed: Some ending in clusters of sensitive cilia, others swinging jagged ripping claws. Instead of being more horrifying than the forms they originally wore, the Color-Wraiths are actually less so... Go to Comment
I guess that it's time to coat the old plate armor with a bit of lead...
Not bad, but I've seen the radiation "curse" done several times before, which detracts a bit from the piece.
It might be interesting to bring radiation poisoning into a game. The effect of the metal would probably just be perceived as a type of poisoning by those suffering its effects. They might surmise that the weapon gave off harmful fumes.
How would the plotters have learned to use lead as a barrier? That is much more of a "tell" for the players than it would be for the characters.
I think that I'd want the sword to be magical and sentient as well. Give it an earnest and helpful demeanor, unwilling to believe that it was itself responsible for its weilder's death. Perhaps it gets lonely, lying in the barrow and doesn't want to be alone anymore. Those feeling sympathy for the forlorn blade are in for a rough time... Go to Comment
As I recall, when Stormbringer was brought together with its "brother" swords, great power was unleashed. I suppose that this one could have several twins as well: A cruel GM might hint of the awesome power unleashed when THEY are brought together...
"Roll Reflex Saves, DR 85... You're atomized in a flash of thermonuclear fire..."Go to Comment
You and I are apparently in accord on this matter: The Drums of the Spirits describes Orcish beliefs and customs about the crafting and use of their drums, but what good is an excellent drum, if you don't play it properly?
It sounds like those Orcish drummers just get louder every year...
A well described piece, with good volume and a beat you can dance to. Go to Comment
Stoneshadow could be a great encounter for the right group of players, striking from the darkness and vanishing again into the night in a series of cat-and-mouse exchanges as he and the PCs stalk and ambush each other. In this way, he could reward those characters that aren't overspecialized, the rogues and generalist mages that do more than just dish out damage.
Some parties would hate an elusive foe like him. Players who prefer a foe they can go toe-to-toe with would find him frustrating.
He really cries out for a worthy patron: A vile and depraved villain to contract for the Stoneshadow's services. Painted simply as a mercenary killer, Stoneshadow is missing a major part of his character development.
His hatred of adventurers is understandable, but would be more useful if it were more specific: How does he display this inner hatred? Does he go out of his way to kill adventurers, and how far? He seems too practical to devote himself to vengeance wholeheartedly. ("There's not a lot of money in revenge...")
As a mercenary, I could see him finding a patron on the same side of a conflict as the PCs, but then deciding that his nominal allies are just too irritating to work with. Go to Comment
Well described. This could be useful, but I wonder if there could be more to this big chunk of gold...
Perhaps the purest mass of gold in the land could have magical or supernatural significance beyond its mere value as specie: It might be needed to complete a ritual summoning, or it might cause a strange interference with magical effects, drawing them toward it or preventing their completion. Go to Comment
More intelligent undead could become valuable as adjuncts to a realm's secret police. After all, what stalker could be as relentless as the dead? What watcher as patient?
Of course, even the undead aren't incorruptable: A realm that sends undead hunters after their fugitives would need to have firm control, lest they be tempted to strike at easier prey along the way. Go to Comment
The recoil on such a grenade launcher would be lower than what you see from more common firearms, as the muzzle velocity of the grenades is a small fraction of a bullet's muzzle velocity: Much less kinetic energy is involved. Despite this, a fully automatic grenade launcher doesn't seem like a very practical weapon.
In the hands of security contractors, a small grenade launcher would be a very versatile weapon. Loaded with sublethal munitions like gas grenades, "Muzzle blast" gas charges, "Knee Knocker" rubber projectiles, "flashbang" grenades and the like, such a weapon could effectively shut down entire crowds of disaffected proles. Of course, high explosive grenades or other lethal munitions could be used as easily, but with a weapon as clumsy as this, lethal munitions could involve a great deal of unwanted collateral damage.
I would be dubious about the concealability of any weapon that utilizing a clip capable of holding ten 40 mm munitions. (Lets see... perhaps 42 cm x 4.3 cm x 12 cm? Obviously the magazine would need to be placed in front of the hand grip.) Go to Comment
Pcs learn of high power magics that allow them to banish weapons and suits of armor to some 'elsewhere' place until such time as they need it. reduces encumberances, gets fewer questions, and when the PCs get jumped by thieves in the ally, they can summon their suits of full plate armor with weapons drawn.
Lesser powers would allow them to summon their weapons from another physical place, drawing them to their hands like Luke skywalker summoning his lightsaber on Hoth.
Ideas ( System ) | August 13, 2006 |