The Positive: I like this! It's a solid, interesting idea with a lot of detail. I can see how it fits into and illuminates your world.
The Negative: The text is a bit verbose. If you're bringing your reader along on a lengthy ride, you should give more of a payoff along the way: Some sort of a twist or surprise would really add to the piece.
The Constructive: What amazing benefits might arise from Corran's Scribe? What awkward revelations might the scribe bring forth? Whose sinister designs might require just such an object? What tales might it best fit into?
If I need to modify it to adhere to the format, I will, but I preferred the text the way I wrote it. It has all the required information.
Items (Art and Music) (Magical)
The Sirens' irresistible voices carried men to their doom. What does your imagination tell you about this guitar?
"Yes, Lieutenant: That's exactly how we found the bodies. There's no sign that they were restrained, but they appear to have died of thirst in this room. From the positions of the remains, I'd guess they were playing those instruments as some sort of a band; the only thing missing would be the lead guitar." Go to Comment