I love the rune planting and delayed affect. That could be useful in dozens of ways and could really bring out some fun roleplaying. Is it only one at a time or could I run down a hallway smacking walls and the unleash mass destruction? Unsure if I would allow that but it would fun! Go to Comment
Good solid foundation as you mentioned. I like the idea that it can't work on smaller mechs and ships. I like that limitation. Since it only works on large areas, the mirror affect may still have a way of being noticed by other special technology maybe not created (or known) yet. Solid balance and believable. Go to Comment
I find it plenty logical in the context of the submission. As long as it makes sense in the boundaries of its internal logic, I can easily suspend belief. Having trouble trying to frame your argument with that in mind. Anything on the site wouldn't make sense if you imposed outside logic and beliefs into it.
Loss of space, expansion, etc would mean very little to a city that was developed to be the Holy City of Trianarianism. Go to Comment
I read it twice but was still confused as I went through it. Just general ideas seem partially explored leaving me expecting something to add clarity. It is clear you know the character but not sure we got it all. I could see this being a solid 4 with a little work. Go to Comment
I think I got here after the edits and I absolutely loved it. The brilliant deception and rise to power was the type of tale you love to read in a book. Reminds me minimally of Kvothe and such where he simply outsmarts everybody.
The things the others pointed out seemed to be cleaned up very well because I especially enjoyed the idea of their part of the city growing important through his actions.
It wasn't clear till the end that he could actually do magic. I was actually a little surprised that he could actually cast and that took away from it a little bit.
I didn't see it preupdate but I can definitely see how you actively responded to the comments. This is a nicely formatted and pretty thorough sub. Some of the signature spells are pretty hardcore, but I guess that is why they are SS!
This was my new test edit post. If everything in the citadel was going to be written over, I wanted it to be better than the graphic upload test. So those ddd were leftover from my test editing phase.
And I do want to spend more time on this. I needed a quick sub to test the submission scripts so used this. There are at least two more subs coming associated with this. When I bring those out, I will update this to give it a little more flavor. Go to Comment