An interesting substance and pretty darn dangerous in the right circumstances. The signs and plot hooks pulled it all up for me.
Although I am curious if you could smoke or otherwise use the dried portions for something. Was thinking it would be more stable in its dried form and it was missing a use there. Additionally, how could I resist the thought of collecting some in pottery jugs with an ignition source and tossing them over the wall to burst into a chemical gas attack.
(For readability, I would prefer it broken up a bit so that it is easier to reference if I was to use it. It is difficult to slog through the large paragraphs to find, say what a high concentration would do and its separate stages of growth etc.) Go to Comment
With the reformat it is definitely easier to find and read! Good work with the changes. I must still agree it might be a little too heavy on the information but perhaps not. I think what is missing is a unique voice that most subs have. It is so drenched in detail that your creative style isn't coming out in it. Perhaps that is what I am sensing. But it is a great idea, just missing a little flair. I think each submission here requires fifteen pieces of flair. ;) Go to Comment
Oh boy, I am liking this idea...A LOT. Mana, yeah, OK but this ore thing is a fascinating idea. When you hit surface-ore I physically moved closer to the monitor.
Can't wait to see how it is used in the world! I think the concepts will become much clearer and make this make more sense. Now, I am intrigued and want more and will almost immediately go to your next sub I noticed.
(PS. My inner hope is that every bold word/phrase will eventually be linked to another sub. :) ) Go to Comment
Not sure what is happening as I had no issue editing it or expanding. When you paste from an outside program, use the buttons instead of just pasting. There are three Paste, Paste from Plain Text and Paste From Word. Try one of those next time as the software does some cleaning and paragraph formatting stuff for you. Also, when you edit, try and click on source and that should allow you to get to the bottom of a few things. When you use source you can see how odd the formatting is of your submissions from using a mix of paragraph, divs and line breaks. Normally all you should need is a nice paragraph tag around each paragraph. So the pasting is probably the root of the problem. Go to Comment
I understand your reasoning for finally joining! It matches the purpose we made the site in the first place.
Overall it was a great, bitter tale with an interesting twist at the end.
There are some small inconsistencies (he couldn't fathom 5000 years but you said he ruled for 3000 years for instance) and the thy's and thou's are more disrupting than mood setting to me, especially when the writing doesn't really conform to the usage (and doesn't use thine or thee instead of thou) without the rest being written towards that style. There is a certain change in language cadence when you use those words but these seem more a search & replace. It would do better without them. But practice makes perfect and I am thrilled you were brave and shared!
Overall it was a quick entertaining read for certain! Was happy to read it and greatly enjoyed it.
To further impress us, you may want to write another sub with the description of the Star Blade, the creation through the destruction, and that would be cool. Go to Comment
I would love to combine this with another bug that takes advantage of the missing sheen though. It attracts a mate, why not something else that may react with the blade.
Perhaps a fresh sheen removal attracts a certain spider that will spin a web cocoon around the "leeched" equipment. Chemicals in the web interact with the leeches excretion and solidify in some kind of uber hard reaction. The web can be removed but it is left with a reddish discoloration that is now much harder than the weapon/armor was. If it is leather, it is no longer supple or bendable. Works best on bladed weapons...but hope it is already sharpened. It will never lose its sharp blade but if it was dull or nicked when wrapped, it will be impossible to sharpen as well. Go to Comment