The origins of the first zombie and the creation of the Art of Necromancy. Not a small feat!
The only thing I wanted a bit more of was her background of medicine and magic and how she used it through the years as she visited all these different places/people to fix herself. I had a need to see her taking that eclectic knowledge as her own and experimenting with it or something. Then when the big reveal comes and she brings her husband back, it isn't such a stretch that she could figure it out. Took me a second read to remind me that she did have a magic/medical background from family for it to make more sense, but that still leaves me hanging a bit.
I don't know much about space opera, but if the Gnomes could do this here, I see them like the rats of the universe. Going from rejected planet to rejected planet, doing their magic and raising their elephants. I see them quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with due to their ingenuity and ability to do what others have no interest in doing. Go to Comment
With a cruel axe made of remorse and ice tempered steel slung over his shoulder, the red coated demon chants as he glides past the moon, "Ho-ho-ho. On Hildaera, Gunnir, Hrista and Gondale! Let us go collect some more children this night" Go to Comment
WOW. I want to play this, not read it. The alternate, smart ways to accomplish the different scenarios were awesome. Got a great feel of the land and town. Almost like watching a horror story unravel. Outstanding!
I had the feeling that the info on these dudes was just getting started and I was left wanting more. Power and training is good, but these folks must be a force to be reckoned with. As Muro mentioned, much like the Jedi. This is a powerful group and they have some kick-ass training. Do they stay in guilds, are they mercenaries, do they serve only righteous causes? etc.
Would love to see some plot lines with your thoughts on their powers and what they would be asked to do or who would use them. It would help make me understand your thought for their place in the world.
I like it and it is just unique enough to be recognized yet of itself! Great! Go to Comment
It was a good read. My only personal want with the story is less time on how he put on his clothes and what he ate and more on his thoughts on how to make one hand work or how to get around the honor and then can't. Him deciding to leave and then deciding to kill her were pretty heavy handed when compared to rest of the story. Those are the key points and parts I wanted to hear a little more about to better buy into the decisions. As it is, he just does it and that is it...ya know.
Story was great on why their are tunnel systems all over! The actually subway was more of an after thought for me. Magnets? Could have had more fun with that. You tend to weave these complicated political tales and I must say that they add a lot to what could have been a simple idea.
It got loose at the end, but I loved it. Rise and fall of a Dwarven Empire. I think the end just needs to be more clear. I didn't get that nobody can go through it till one of the last lines. I just thought the place was haunted by ghosts and zombies. The place is too important to the world you created to just let lie. I see it being held still by humans. They have figured out ways to keep the undead at bay and/or lock themselves in certain safe areas after dark and can come out in the daytime. Besides the undead, I think there have to be some dwarves around (even coming in from another clan deeper in the mountains or something) that continue to have some kind of insurgency against the past with the hope of one day regaining it.
I like it a lot, the end just needs to be tightened a bit more to bring it all together in a solid understanding of the current state. I agree a solid 4 as is, but it could be upgraded with that fix and some better plot ideas.