I read it twice but was still confused as I went through it. Just general ideas seem partially explored leaving me expecting something to add clarity. It is clear you know the character but not sure we got it all. I could see this being a solid 4 with a little work. Go to Comment
I think I got here after the edits and I absolutely loved it. The brilliant deception and rise to power was the type of tale you love to read in a book. Reminds me minimally of Kvothe and such where he simply outsmarts everybody.
The things the others pointed out seemed to be cleaned up very well because I especially enjoyed the idea of their part of the city growing important through his actions.
It wasn't clear till the end that he could actually do magic. I was actually a little surprised that he could actually cast and that took away from it a little bit.
I didn't see it preupdate but I can definitely see how you actively responded to the comments. This is a nicely formatted and pretty thorough sub. Some of the signature spells are pretty hardcore, but I guess that is why they are SS!
This was my new test edit post. If everything in the citadel was going to be written over, I wanted it to be better than the graphic upload test. So those ddd were leftover from my test editing phase.
And I do want to spend more time on this. I needed a quick sub to test the submission scripts so used this. There are at least two more subs coming associated with this. When I bring those out, I will update this to give it a little more flavor. Go to Comment