Okay first off there's some paradoxes with this and stuff left unanswered: (aside from grammar and punctuation which I'll leave for someone else to point out)
A sapphire could be seen hanging from the necklace;
Could? does this mean the sapphire sometimes isn't able to be seen hanging from it?
She didnt create the universe, nor did she create life as we know it, she only created things that the people of the realm are able to use in their daily lives.
Laerthra only ever created necklaces, rings, and other forms of valuables. She had the ability to create other things like: swords, crossbows, chairs, doors, jars, etc. These items were then
dropped from heaven and given to the humans.
Okay so in one sentence she is capable of making everything people can use in their daily lives. In the next she only makes ever makes jewelry? Which is it? Doors jars etc or just jewelry?
Soon the humans learned how to create items much like the ones she made, and she strived to make something that could not be compared to.
Could not be compared to what? Her beauty? The beauty of the universe?
She had created a Sapphire necklace, once that could be unmatched by any other, and there was only one reason that she did this, and that was to have something that could compare to.
Once again compare to what?
The other Gods didn't take this too lightly; in fact they had banished Laerthra into the necklace that she had created, which was then hidden at the bottom of an Oasis, in the Sands of Gartuan.
What happened to the original life essence trapped within the necklace? Why did they choose to hide it at the bottom of an oasis? Last but not least what are the Sands of Gartuan? A gods holy place? A tropical island beach? A desert? What?
he noticed something in the corner of his eyes, giving off a red glow, but when he looked toward the glow it had disappeared. The man jumped into the water and pulled the necklace out.
If the glow disappeared how did he find the necklace?
Gods never transgressed with humans. They usually stuck to their own business, though Ciliantis the God of Epiphany and Inspiration had intervened quite often, in order to help the humans along with their advances in their civilization.
Okay so if they never transgressed then how did one of them intervene quite often?
He had told someone of this item, telling them of its magical ability, but never giving the entire story.
What did he tell them? and who were they? How did he tell them this? Did this one person spread the tale all over the land so it is well known legend? or is this an obscure tale one would have to hunt through scrolls of lore to hear of?
On his way back to town, the necklace had disappeared from his possession, soon after he started to feel the life being drained from his body. After a quick search of the camel, and his body, he realized that the necklace was around his neck.
So is the necklace weightless? Given it's 24 inches of solid gold with a large stone on the end of it I would imagine he would have felt it suddenly pulling down around his neck when it appeared on him.
Honestly while this piece shows some glimmer of promise it feels hurried and lacking cohesion. (along with the spelling errors and word mis uses) Perhaps reworking this piece to correct the contradictions and fleshing it out more can turn it into a worthwhile sub. Currently though it's not ready for the public imho. Go to Comment
Fascinating article, although I confess, most of the players I've had the pleasure of gming for have been quite the opposite of the hack'n slash bullies that resort to violence at every opportunity. They often attempted diplomacy in situations where violence would be a more logical recourse. (Such as when dealing with a group of starving goblins raiding a villages grain stores for survival) Although there was that one sick player that decided to rape and mutilate the towns vagrant children rather than give them a few coins to survive on...
For certain though exploring the early years of a characters (or npc's) history is a great opportunity for character development and to flesh out the reasons behind those personality quirks everyone takes for the fun of it.
It can also provide the gm with some interesting background material to work with. After all, what happened to that bully that repeatedly beat up the char when he was 7 and stole his toys? Did he grow up to become leader of a prominent bandit group? Or did he see the error of his ways and make amends as a cleric of light?)
A well thought out article that can take any game in new directions and flesh out the background of any pc or npc 5/5 Go to Comment
I too fail to see how this is related to gaming in anyway. If it was linked to an actual demon sub, or npc sub, or *something* concrete to link it to actual gaming related to the poem then it'd make sense.
Currently this poem could just as easily be about a nightmare, or a horror movie as about something gaming related. (It also feels rather repetitive but that could just be me.) Go to Comment
It's nice to see a magical creature that;s useful and not overly predatory/threatening. One of these could also make an interesting familiar for a water warlock or other npc mage of the sea. Go to Comment