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Flirting dress
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-16 04:47 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-14 06:03 PM


The goal was to cover the the important highlights of the relationship, since Ellens factors into a few future chapters prominently. As for detailing the other dates, it came across as unneeded fluff so was edited from the final piece with only important developments listed. (There were a dozen or so dates at least before the intimate one, but a laundry list of dates felt pointless to include.)



Also aye, the chronology is a bit tough to follow due to the edits for brevity, I'll see about fixing that in the near future.

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Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-11 08:39 AM


Originally this was part of the 4th sub, but I split it up to keep word count down to a shorter level for those with less time to read lengthy subs, and aye, you're right it likely could be cut with minimal impact.



As for Ellen, I figured it will become apparent the complex nature of that relationship in time. ;)

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The Song That Doesn't End, Part One
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-10 05:49 PM
Humorous and gives some nice insight into the Delta Factor setting, Looking forward tossing both Ellen and Sarah as write ups on their own someday. Go to Comment
Sarah Voltaire
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-10 06:33 PM
Beautifully done, and summarizes all the important highlights of her life, looking forward to seeing Ellen as a sub in the near future! Go to Comment
Rage!
Articles  (At Table)   (Game Mastering)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-10 10:07 PM
The crunchy bits seem to be the start of a new trend in the Citadel. (which I noticed began with the d20 conversion stats included in the Ysra Fulsven Vineblud sub by Axlerowes)

Personally i approve wholeheartedly of a bit of (or in this subs case) a lot of crunch in subs where appropriate, since it gives the reader a ready to use baseline from which they can easily convert things to their rule set of choice.

As far as the sub itself, laying out rage in such a clear and easy to use manner is welcome change from the rather bland versions of barbaric/bestial rage seen in most RPG's.

The table and lay out is generic enough to be easily adapted to most any setting, and one can use the table with some modification to represent the building rage of wild animals or supernatural predators as well, giving them an added threat in combat. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 4
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-08 08:14 PM
She grows up in time, especially after her trip to Africa in the future. ;) Go to Comment
Royal War Train
Items  (Transports)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-09 08:50 PM
After reading I was left wanting more, more detail of the specific routes, some plot hooks, a few key operators on the train, perhaps descriptions of any unique train carts?

As it is this feels like the beginning to something larger, I would really love to see it expanded upon. Go to Comment
The Commandments of Koret
Systems  (Societal/ Cultural)   (Specific)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-06 05:23 AM


I really like this religion, it's rigid and a bit stoic, perfect for the reserved warrior of the group, and has plenty of quotable commandments that fit will in nearly any situation. (Which can work perfectly for an NPC to use to annoy, amuse and otherwise add life to anything the group might be involved with.)



I can also see this being of use in space faring sci-fi settings as the rules governing an alien society, or a far flung human colony having stumbled upon the huge stone monoliths of commandments and having translated them, believe them to be the words of the creator, or at the very least a superior race and modeled their colony after the teachings.



(Small note on wording, the phrase "when her harvests fruit from a worthy plant he takes-" I think is supposed to be "when he harvests-")

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Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 3
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-06 02:05 AM
Nope, still every other day, I posted this after midnight on the 5th, blame the pesky international date line for making it appear on the 4th for you :P Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-06 06:05 AM


Outwardly kind, yet secretly cruel and manipulative, she's perfect to add to any royal kingdom or visiting nobility to add a dash of danger and political malfeasance.



I could also see her working well as a romantic sub plot for an unlucky PC. (of course she's only using the hapless PC to her own ends, but until they realize that...)



The D&D/pathfinder write up for stats at the end I personally found handy, since it makes the character even easier to add into a game, or convert to a different rule set if desired.



Also I really loved the pic, it captures her grace and beauty nicely.



(minor grammar note the phrase "As cruel and hateful towards other people as she maybe, she-" I believe is supposed to be "may be-")

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Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 2
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-05 01:46 AM
I'm glad you're enjoying it, there's lots more to come, although the beginning pieces are more character building and stage setting, there is plenty of action later on. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 2
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-05 11:14 PM
Thanks for the feedback, I'll give this an edit this weekend I get some time and take your advice into account, I really appreciate the time and effort it took to give me this much commentary. Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-02 11:30 PM
Well put together story, with some interesting characterization and some interesting developments.

A small warning in the preface that the story includes a reference to sexual violence may also be prudent, given it could cause unpleasant flash backs to real life events in some readers . Go to Comment
Anthony and Adora
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - Genre)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-03 04:53 AM
Forgot to vote. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 1
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-01 05:26 PM
I've got plenty mote of these, but will spread them out over time, likely a new one every 2-3 days until caught up to the present, then likely 1 per week until it runs its course. :) Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 1
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-01 11:06 PM


Lol aye, the gender vagueness was a deliberate choice, since the beginning was more to hook the reader, and challenge any preconceptions not long after. (which will prove to be an underlying theme as things develop.)



There's a lot of character building in the first few parts, with the action bits coming later, It's 60kish words so far, (and not finished yet) so lots of stuff still coming.


Edit:


Oh and to answer your tongue in cheek questions becuse it's 2am and I'm bored: :P


Doggy Pregnancy?


You'll have to wait an see, although as far as controversial/disturbing subs, that one would perhaps out do my sub about the reverse abortion of an undead fetus. Okay maybe not that disturbing...


Pregnancy shape shifting?


You'll just have to read on and see if she's pregnant :P


Mass displacement:


Unstable sub spatial molecular transference. When she shifts to a smaller form a portion of the extra mass is transferred into energy and released as a flash of light, the rest is bled into sub space.


When shifting from smaller to larger forms additional mass is drawn from sub space in the form of energy and then converted to create the needed material for the new form. (at least that's what the Delta specialists told her anyway ;) )


What part in Romeo and Juilet?


Juliet's nurse, Angelica. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 1
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-14 07:18 AM


Update: Edited to include the paragraph describing the characters human appearance.



(And for those who don't want to reread the first chapter just to find that one paragraph here's a quick reprint.



I remember pausing, finding my dark African American skin oddly foreign looking after seeing myself clothed in feathers, my black hair a tangle mess. years later people would say I looked a lot like Kandyse Mcclure in my human form, but at the time I was just geeky, and developed enough in the right places to get embarrassing stares from the boys in my class.

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My Taalkastin Boatman
NPCs  (Minor)   (Natural)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-01 05:41 PM
Very nice the narrative tone sets the scene nicely, and the over all presentation felt fresh and well laid out, definitely one of my new favorites! Go to Comment
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