All valid points from everyone!
I didnt expand the sub because I didnt want too ramble on too much, but in hindsight, more info on the demons and some interesting locations within Retribution would have been handy.
Mourn, your extra choice of survival is great and i dont know why i didnt consider it! Also, you are absolutely right about it being cliche and predictable. This isn't made to be innovative and boundary pushing, simply a fun encounter where you get to play the part of a space horror victim; it should only last a day and be used when you want something quick and easy to throw at your gamers.
The inconsistencies are from copying over a draft then tweaking some bits and pieces. Oops :D
I like that you have made Ahkti able to be used in magic or non magic settings, as well as fantasy, medieval, modern and sci-fi eras.
It's a nice touch that you gave magical options, yet still allow functionality for these items outside of a fantasy realm.
And again I will say that what I am liking about your subs at the moment Moon, is that they have plenty of information without rambling on - they don't create a daunting read for us, but something we can quickly enjoy. Go to Comment
The Karikun desert is quite large, however the dragons are also extremely rare. I would think only a half dozen would be active at any given time within the desert.
Being elemental, they do not require food to survive. They are unpredictable, occasionally attacking other living things, and sometimes leaving them be.
Merchants, and indeed most travellers in the desert have nothing to fear; they are extremely rare, and largely regarded as legend. They are far more likely to be accosted by the other vicious creatures of the desert than a Great Sand Wyrm. There will always be superstitious travellers who dread the desert for fear of these horrific devil-dragons!
The dragons will slumber - usually digging under the sand itself to do so. Occasionally they will lair in caves and such, but they have little need for shelter from the desert - they ARE the desert!
There are a couple of bits that are rough around the edges grammatically, but that's not a real problem.
Jacob will fit beautifully into the Occult Brotherhood, Caesar! I like the twist in that he seeks out the embodiment of revenge only so he can unleash it upon himself. It makes me wonder what it is he will find; perhaps an incarnation of revenge in demon form.
I felt like the 'Intervention' section was glossed over a little. For example, how did Ralf manage to subdue the demon that was delivering the food? Was the demon just weak?
At any rate, I can't wait to read Congeria! I look forward to some solid information on atheus's demonic realm; finally, something that can't just be dismissed as just religious myth! :D Go to Comment
Dwarves that are not dwarves! I like that they have forsaken their beard-growing, goblin-bashing, ale-swilling ways; it's good to see some diversity in the dwarven race, as it should be.
Due to the Rokomakha's similarities to human living, a myth may even come up that humans were once dwarves who forsook their ways, came to live on the surface and over generations grew taller and taller!
I'm sure that eventually the mountain dwarves will refuse to admit their connection with these blasphemous dwarves, saying they are a different race altogether! Go to Comment
As with the other two, I love how you made it relevant for multiple timeframes.
This sub wasn't full of all the nitty-gritty little details, and I actually kind of enjoyed it because of that - Ahkti is simple, straight forward and to the point.
Now all that is left to progress to is inter-planetary missionaries spreading the word (or holy laser-fire in the case of extremists) to alien life! Go to Comment
I like the history, and i like that it isnt magical. It fits in nicely with Lunism.
What I like most about Atheus in general so far - based on what i've read - is that the religions and gods are all question marks - there's no definite proof of them being correct, or just all made up. However, demons and dark things are very real (For example, your Culthus sub.).
If someone in Atheus were to REALLY want to find the truth of gods and devils, I think they would find the most truth by seeking demons and following the path towards hell, rather than looking and praying to the skies for something that may or may not exist. Go to Comment
The 'Uncanny edge' is the term used for the 'off' feeling you get when you spot something which closely mimics life, but isn't quite there - you get it a lot in robotics lately, apparently. That is likely how it would feel spotting an undead wearing this mantle.
If it were me, id have the party learn of the mantle's power, but not the makeup. Then have them go hunting to Kormack's lair (as a dungeon) and at the end of it, have them hear the cried of children like the blacksmith did, and burst in on him creating one of these! Only then is the true horror revealed, and the motivation for killing Kormack enhanced.
gruesome and kinda neat!
Also, it amuses me how the Shivenhusk blatantly introduces itself :p Go to Comment
There are parallels/similarities in this with Jesus (travelling preacher, spreading the word dispute persecution, thought of by some as a god etc) which I am guessing are intentional. John serves as a solid historical figurehead for Lunism and the religion definitely benefits from his story.
It is a little bland, but then again something doesn't have to be flashy to be useable; a good npc to further the believability of Lunism in a game. Go to Comment
Aah, a dark secret; a nefarious twist! This is the kind of thing that the sub needed; a fellow of high morals preaching about his religion until he died was a bit dry, but have that person harbor a secret life of taboo arts... That makes things more interesting.
It would be tastier if some of the 'higher ups' knew this secret, and then when the pcs decide to hunt for clues as to johns tomb, they suddenly find a secret lunist organisation trying to assassinate them. After all, having the truth of a religious figurehead being a necromancer come out will be very damaging for the faith! Lies, coverups, scandals; you have turned this sub into a very 'Da Vinci code-esque' kind of drama.
And when the pcs finally get to the tomb and learn the truth they have a choice: reveal the truth and damage the reputation of someone who did actually do some good in the world, or destroy the evidence. Go to Comment
I find this a great, believable sub.
My personal belief (and one that doesn't affect my standing with the sub) is that Mortes would be more suited as the full moon and Vivenus as the new moon. I feel its more suitable for the religion plus it would be a cool switch. Mortes's symbol can be the blinking eye and Vivenus the opening eye (Vivenus's eye is represented by the waxing phases of bew to full, the 'opening eye', and Mortes by the waning of the full moon to new - the 'blinking eye'.
This seems more suitable as to mimic life: we are born an empty slate and as we grow our life fills with experience like the Waxing moon and Vivenus's opening eye. When we reach the pinnacle of life, Mortes casts his eyes gaze on us, and our life wanes: we grow old and age and illness deteriorate us. Under the gaze of Mortes's slowly blinking eye we pass, and when the eye is shut, death takes us.
In this way it seems more suitable that Vivenus and Mortes would be considered the more 'major gods', and the others part of their domains.
Also, in line with this, perhaps Lunists would believe in some kind of reincarnation: as their life wanes away to nothing, Vivenus takes their soul and breathes new life into it; just like the never ending cycle of the moon, their soul is born anew.
I like that people are born under their 'lunar signs', sort of like star signs. And the barbaric way that some sects might slay their child born on the waning change phase is a nice touch - has a very 'witch-hunt' feel to it.
I would have it tradition for places of gambling within Lunist cities to close when Alea wanes.
This is a cool religion, Caesar, and as Val said; its believable. I wouldn't be surprised if at some stage in history ancient man had a religion nit dissimilar to this. Go to Comment
A little rough around the edges, but as it is an Oekaki submission that is to be expected.
It is an interesting place; a demon-possessed pedestal which can only be found by those who will have the drive and motivation to create a cult. I'm a little confused as to Culthus's motivations. So he wished to stop demonic summoning, but then got captured, and now is trying to free himself be making people splatter blood over the pedestal?
What will Culthus's moves be if he is freed?
Also, it would seem wiser if Culthas didnt't strike the circle from history: any up and coming cultist who had heard about it would surely think it would be the ideal place to do their rituals, and would seek it out, which would be better for Culthas.
I looked this over when you first posted it without the descriptions; I was going to give it a 2.5, but I saw you were going to expand the list in the comments. I'm glad I waited: ingenious uses! Detail is the difference between a 2.5 and a 4.5; thank god you expanded this, DustyJ :D
I like the nine sacred animals; very colourful. Also, I see plenty of uses for the Vitralara and their creation ritual. Anyone in the business of performing the rites would pay good money for exotic animal blood; and may also send people on missions so collect the blood of fabled creatures.
I can see a tribal like society of these living in the forest, preying on travellers and scavenging, what remains of their human minds telling them to build ramshackle shelters and form a society of sorts. Naturally, the strongest would be a leader.
Can one use Vitralara blood in the rituals to create far more diverse and less stable horrors? I'm sure that if so, eventually the bodies would simply fall apart. Go to Comment