Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Cosmic Era: Doom Bestiary
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Any)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-31 07:05 PM
I absolutely love everything about this; I think it's incredible that you came up with your own warped versions of each of these (I especially like the cacodemon and how it has a body in an alternate plane.

im probably swayed by the fact that i'm playing doom 3 through again at the moment: it isnt as fantastic as the first games and it doesn't have the nostalgia value, but it's still nice in its own right.

Thanks for writing this up as a companion for Retribution!

I call dibs on writing up an idea for the Arch-Vile (My favourite of the doom-world beasties!)
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The Timeless Pocket Watch
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-29 06:55 PM
A predictable power, but it has a nice cursed touch to it and is well written up!

Even though the curse is very potent and life threatening, I still feel it is a red overpowered because it may be exploitable: should the pc's ever find a way to reverse their age, or ever have a chance at immortality this would more or less turn them into gods.

To help limit this exploitation, Personally, I would make it a one-use or maybe several-use item before it breaks (perhaps ages as well, and ends up turning to dust).

All in all, a very solid first sub; welcome to the citadel and keep on writing! :D Go to Comment
Lover's Downfall
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-29 06:15 PM
I'd enjoy hearing more on the backstory of the necromancer and his mad lover; I think that would be worth a dub all in itself. Also, the Council of Five sounds like an interesting organization!

As for the object itself; it's beat, and knowing where you got the inspiration from, I can't help but picture zombies dancing to a fiddle. Go to Comment
Oscv 02 Baleful Eye
Items  (SpaceShips)   (Combat)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-29 07:23 PM
I like them! Ominous sensory eyes gloating in the dead of space! Val's thoughts on adding mines in conjunction with the eyes is a great idea. Go to Comment
Progressive Stiletto
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-23 05:40 PM
Stab Stab *Boom!*

A useful weapon! They should make kids version of it in real life; im sure it could be used effectively in todays world!

as for being stabbed by one, I would think a reflex/dexterity/speed or equivalent save would be applicable. Critically failing means it explodes in the wound. Failing means it explodes in the hand, passing means you throw it randomly away in time and a natural 20 or equivalent means you throw it and pierce the target of your choice (such as the one who stabbed you in the first place, or at least a wall near where they stand.



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Progressive Stiletto
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-23 07:47 PM
Fair enough. I was thinking it was pretty powerful if there was little defence available once you're stuck, but then again in a world filled to the brim with ranged weaponry, advanced radar and sensors and such, getting close enough to use one is a feat in itself, so perhaps it is somewhat balanced. Go to Comment
Progressive Stiletto
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-23 09:35 PM

You could adapt it to become a syringe-like weapon, injecting a micro-explosive charge inside the target, thus allowing multiple uses (a clip of micro-explosives clipped on the hilt of the stilleto), plus different variations. An EMP distrupter clip (stabbing to get past the outer shield) explosives, corrosive acid and more! Then you can just stab, click a button on the top to inject, pull out with your valuable weapon and get the shite outta there!!!

 

This could then be used for multiple subterfuge 'infiltrate and destroy' missions.

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The Flight of Retribution
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-25 06:59 PM
All valid points from everyone!
I didnt expand the sub because I didnt want too ramble on too much, but in hindsight, more info on the demons and some interesting locations within Retribution would have been handy.

Mourn, your extra choice of survival is great and i dont know why i didnt consider it! Also, you are absolutely right about it being cliche and predictable. This isn't made to be innovative and boundary pushing, simply a fun encounter where you get to play the part of a space horror victim; it should only last a day and be used when you want something quick and easy to throw at your gamers.

The inconsistencies are from copying over a draft then tweaking some bits and pieces. Oops :D

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Key, Quill, and Seal
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-22 03:42 AM
I like that you have made Ahkti able to be used in magic or non magic settings, as well as fantasy, medieval, modern and sci-fi eras.

It's a nice touch that you gave magical options, yet still allow functionality for these items outside of a fantasy realm.

And again I will say that what I am liking about your subs at the moment Moon, is that they have plenty of information without rambling on - they don't create a daunting read for us, but something we can quickly enjoy. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-21 12:57 AM
Update: Attempted to space out paragraphs a bit better. Doesn't seem to be working too well! Ah well. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-21 09:20 PM
Thanks, Caesar!

The Karikun desert is quite large, however the dragons are also extremely rare. I would think only a half dozen would be active at any given time within the desert.

Being elemental, they do not require food to survive. They are unpredictable, occasionally attacking other living things, and sometimes leaving them be.

Merchants, and indeed most travellers in the desert have nothing to fear; they are extremely rare, and largely regarded as legend. They are far more likely to be accosted by the other vicious creatures of the desert than a Great Sand Wyrm. There will always be superstitious travellers who dread the desert for fear of these horrific devil-dragons!

The dragons will slumber - usually digging under the sand itself to do so. Occasionally they will lair in caves and such, but they have little need for shelter from the desert - they ARE the desert!

They do not hoard treasure, no.
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Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-22 04:40 PM
Yeah, it was difficult to describe that sound without using more modern explanations :p

I guess I could have said an electrical squeal or something, but it doesn't have quite the same ring. Go to Comment
Jacob Latris
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Mystical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-21 09:23 AM
There are a couple of bits that are rough around the edges grammatically, but that's not a real problem.

Jacob will fit beautifully into the Occult Brotherhood, Caesar! I like the twist in that he seeks out the embodiment of revenge only so he can unleash it upon himself. It makes me wonder what it is he will find; perhaps an incarnation of revenge in demon form.

I felt like the 'Intervention' section was glossed over a little. For example, how did Ralf manage to subdue the demon that was delivering the food? Was the demon just weak?

At any rate, I can't wait to read Congeria! I look forward to some solid information on atheus's demonic realm; finally, something that can't just be dismissed as just religious myth! :D Go to Comment
The Rosomakha
Society/ Organizations  (Agricultural)   (Area)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-20 06:44 PM
Dwarves that are not dwarves! I like that they have forsaken their beard-growing, goblin-bashing, ale-swilling ways; it's good to see some diversity in the dwarven race, as it should be.

Due to the Rokomakha's similarities to human living, a myth may even come up that humans were once dwarves who forsook their ways, came to live on the surface and over generations grew taller and taller!
I'm sure that eventually the mountain dwarves will refuse to admit their connection with these blasphemous dwarves, saying they are a different race altogether! Go to Comment
Ahkti: The Great Ancestor
Society/ Organizations  (Religious)   (Trans World)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-22 03:34 AM
As with the other two, I love how you made it relevant for multiple timeframes.
This sub wasn't full of all the nitty-gritty little details, and I actually kind of enjoyed it because of that - Ahkti is simple, straight forward and to the point.

Now all that is left to progress to is inter-planetary missionaries spreading the word (or holy laser-fire in the case of extremists) to alien life! Go to Comment
The Shield of St. John
Items  (Armor)   (Non-Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-20 07:53 PM
I like the history, and i like that it isnt magical. It fits in nicely with Lunism.

What I like most about Atheus in general so far - based on what i've read - is that the religions and gods are all question marks - there's no definite proof of them being correct, or just all made up. However, demons and dark things are very real (For example, your Culthus sub.).

If someone in Atheus were to REALLY want to find the truth of gods and devils, I think they would find the most truth by seeking demons and following the path towards hell, rather than looking and praying to the skies for something that may or may not exist. Go to Comment
Dark Mantle of D'Geen
Items  (Clothes)   (Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-26 10:00 PM
The 'Uncanny edge' is the term used for the 'off' feeling you get when you spot something which closely mimics life, but isn't quite there - you get it a lot in robotics lately, apparently. That is likely how it would feel spotting an undead wearing this mantle.

If it were me, id have the party learn of the mantle's power, but not the makeup. Then have them go hunting to Kormack's lair (as a dungeon) and at the end of it, have them hear the cried of children like the blacksmith did, and burst in on him creating one of these! Only then is the true horror revealed, and the motivation for killing Kormack enhanced.

gruesome and kinda neat!


Also, it amuses me how the Shivenhusk blatantly introduces itself :p Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-16 09:54 PM
Aah, a dark secret; a nefarious twist! This is the kind of thing that the sub needed; a fellow of high morals preaching about his religion until he died was a bit dry, but have that person harbor a secret life of taboo arts... That makes things more interesting.

It would be tastier if some of the 'higher ups' knew this secret, and then when the pcs decide to hunt for clues as to johns tomb, they suddenly find a secret lunist organisation trying to assassinate them. After all, having the truth of a religious figurehead being a necromancer come out will be very damaging for the faith! Lies, coverups, scandals; you have turned this sub into a very 'Da Vinci code-esque' kind of drama.

And when the pcs finally get to the tomb and learn the truth they have a choice: reveal the truth and damage the reputation of someone who did actually do some good in the world, or destroy the evidence. Go to Comment
The Prophet John
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Religious)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-13 08:03 PM
There are parallels/similarities in this with Jesus (travelling preacher, spreading the word dispute persecution, thought of by some as a god etc) which I am guessing are intentional. John serves as a solid historical figurehead for Lunism and the religion definitely benefits from his story.
It is a little bland, but then again something doesn't have to be flashy to be useable; a good npc to further the believability of Lunism in a game. Go to Comment
The Kingmakers: Final Update/Autopsy
Articles  (Campaign)   (Game Mastering)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-10 08:22 PM
A moment of silence for our fallen brother.

Sad to hear the game fizzled, Ted; but cudos for analysing the issues - we live and learn!

Best of luck for future endeavours, and it would be great to see some more creative content from you pop up here! Go to Comment
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       By: Michael Jotne Slayer

While traveling trough farm land the PCs come upon a merchant sitting on a wrecked wagon without a mule attached to it, hid face burrowed in his hands. He explains that he was robbed by petty goblins, unable to defend himself he had retreated. He asks the PCs to help him retrieve the mule before the goblins roast it, as a reward they may keep his goods. How hard can it be?

Encounter  ( Plains ) | February 15, 2011 | View | UpVote 4xp